Depression while being treated for Stage IV Breast Cancer

Light exercise, fresh air and sunlight may also help. Sadly COVID makes getting out of the house more complicated these days, but going out for a walk during daylight hours really helps improve my mood.

I also use a light therapy lamp in my computer room and set up next to a window facing East so I can catch the light even when I’m indoors and working.

I'm with you, SandiBeach...Try to read and don't care. Get out of bed because dog needs out of her crate. Beautiful days, but doesn't seem worth the effort to go outside. Put on good face on the rare occassions when I see people, but mostly still isolating from people, nothing open to do anyway...no restaurants, music, events etc. Haven't exercised in over year, previously 5x week (it was social-- weight lifting classes, dog training class, group hikes, group skiing). Workbook suggestions would be great if anyone has some to help me see possibilities. I have a list of "to do" in my head but don't even care enough to write them down. Started a painting on wall of house, but thinking of just covering it up and forgetting it.

First, I will say that I definitely needed medicine to help me find my new normal after the mbc diagnosis. It took awhile to realize I felt anxiety, not depression, and was finally prescribed buspar which helped immensely. After a few years, tho, I felt more down, and started on Wellbutrin in addition to the Buspar. Honestly, I don't know how effective it is. I don't feel up or down, I guess perhaps I'm sort of leveled out but in an okay way. (Effexor, for me, caused more anxiety due to something called the seratonin uptake.)

Illimae, your post is so well written, and I feel much as you do, tho I describe myself as a realist, not necessarily an optimist.

Sandi, you've received great advice. I'll also say a year living through a pandemic leaves me feeling more blue, so do take that into consideration. I do my best to make the most of the situation, but it is frustraing and trying at times.

One main thing I learned was try to do something new every week. It could be as simple as trying a new food, listening to a new kind of music on the radio, driving a new road you've never been on, buying something you've never purchased before or wearing an article of clothing that's different from anything else you ever wore. The pandemic makes this more challenging to come up with ideas, but it's still doable. These activities get your brain focused on the newness and learning or discovering the unknown and gives your mind a break from mbc and creates new memories.

I also guess I am a fan of bibliography, tho I didn't know what that meant until I saw it here and looked it up. But I read non-fiction and surprisingly, I love reading autobiographies of world class athletes. Two of my favorite books were by Andre Aggassi and Maria Sharipova, and I don't even watch tennis! But it was fascinating to read of how they always rose above their many, many struggles, setbacks and defeats, just staying focused and determined! I will read books by people who've overcome horrific tragedies in their life. The human spirit is simply awe-inspiring at times.

Another helpful activity for me is journaling, especially when I feel low. Write knowing no one will ever read it, and write what you feel, however your writing style is. Some say write three pages a day in the morning. I may not always do it quite that way, but there's something to be said for taking quiet, personal time to write your thoughts down, I find it therapeutic.

The last thing I'll mention is ask yourself what *you* really want to be doing. I realized I used to spend much of my time doing what others wanted or what I thought others expected of me or making others happy. I can still fall into that habit. But I had to figure out the things that made me happy, brought me joy, and learn how not to feel guilty putting my wants and needs before others. And this too can be as simple as, the other day at 10 am I felt rather blah and when I checked in with myself, found what I really wanted was to take a nap, which I then did until 11, even tho I'd only woke up at 7 am that day! But I felt better after. This philosophy has me turning down things I really don't care to do, either. When I am doing what really appeals to me, life can be a bit more fun.

Living with MBC, lol

Sandi, sorry to hear about your experience with Lexapro. I don’t remember the name of the different antidepressants I tried, but with one of them, I literally couldn’t get off the sofa. Sat there all day. I explained it to the NP and she said, “It made you flat.” which basically means emotionless. It took a few tries to find what works. I hope that things go better with Wellbutrin.

I just want to add that for years I was on many different drugs which didn't help. A funny thing happened. I was on Prozac a few years ago and it stopped working a year or so later. I was put on different drugs for more than 6 months, and I was told to go back on Prozac. I've been on it this time for more than two years. This won't work for everybody, but if you have success with a drug and then its not working, give it a rest.

I dread the day that I have to go on something new. The depression gets so bad for me, and weaning off one drug to try another is exasperating. I pray that you all get the comfort you need, just don't give up.

SandiBeach, in addition to the helpful suggestions posted here, there are also useful suggestions at the following thread:

https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/8/topics/833863?page=1

Sandibeach, so glad that things are improving for you.

I am sure you are not alone in feeling the impacts of COVID. I have not experienced depression in the past but have to admit that this unending pandemic, when combined with a wet and dreary west coast winter, has set me on my heels this year. I was definitely feeling down despite continuing to work remotely. I am fortunate that I have a dog so staying in bed is never an option (well, that and the fact that by morning my back is screaming) but can say that I am SO done with this virus. For those of us stage IV folks it’s put limitations on us when time is so darn precious.

As I said, so glad you are on the upswing. Thank you for starting this thread as I know many will find useful suggestions here.

Sandi, how great to hear of your improvement. Self kindness and self care are vital. Don’t put yourself down for letting the Pet scan put you over the edge. You are allowed to get upset. Sure, you could try to only look at the upside of the scan, but embrace all your feelings and don’t berate yourself for having them. That’s part of being kind to yourself.

So glad the Wellbutrin is effective. Sometimes people think if they pray, meditate and exercise enough they can pull out of depression. It may work for some, but my experience, having tried all the above, taught me I couldn’t do it on my own and needed meds. I don't go around all perky. I still have all the emotions but find I can re-direct my thoughts easier because of the medicine.

I want to tell you to be especially proud of yourself for saying, get up, get up and get to the doctor. It is very impressive that you found and listened to that inner drill sergeant in yourself along with tapping into the deep parts of your soul and strong will to live. You is tough, girl! Don’t be forgettin’ that.