My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Booboo, I hate that you have bad news. I never know what to say to help someone through that paralyzing moment when you think, really? More bad news? Who is in charge of this shit? I want a word with management...

More on growing bellies. I think mine is going to audition as Jaba the Hutt at the new Star Wars movie. But worse than being hideous is that clothes no longer fit me. I fear my clothing. I am defeated by my pants. Pants assume you have a certain shape that facilitates their secure placement on your body. When you lose that shape, you lose your pants. While my belly has blossomed into the gelatinous mass, my ass has not kept pace. I'm all gut, no butt and you cannot keep pants on this body. I have perpetual plumber butt with my ass crack hanging out all the time. Now I could wear super tight pants that squeeze me grotesquely in the middle making me look like a tube of toothpaste with a rubber band. But those pants hurt. They dig in. They leave creases in my flabby skin. I hate them. So I wear pants that are a bit too big because they don't dig in. That also don't stay on. It's a problem. 

In desperation I dug out a pair of very lightweight leggings. At least they had an elastic waist that sort of stays on better than pants. Out I went to do chores in my leggings. In Canada. In winter. Insulative quality of leggings - zero. I may as well have been out there with no pants at all. The wind cut right though them. What to do about this? I dug around in my closet and found a long, flowing, billowing summer skirt  and pulled that on over my leggings. Winter chore jacket, insulated neoprene work gloves, snow boots, long flowing skirt. Off I go to feed and water the chickens, who freaked right out when I flounced into their pen. Problem, long skirt catches on the toes of my boots, yanks itself down and almost lands me on my face as well it drags in the chicken shit when I stoop to gather eggs. But it does provide a cozy layer of warm air around me. What to do? I got two rubber bands out of the junk drawer and gathered up a big handful of skirt fabric over each thigh and made like huge skirt ponytails sticking straight out. This hoiked the skirt up out of boot and shit range. I was warm, my leggings/skirt were staying in place, my ass crack was not on display...I was feeling pretty chuffed about this when Hub came home from work and spied me shovelling snow. He stops. "What the hell are you wearing?" The big thigh handles sticking straight out are a bit alarming, I admit this, but really, I felt he should be congratulating me on my ingenuity. When I was young I used to wear designer clothes and cutting edge fashion. Now I have shit on my skirt and a belly that holds my boobs up. Sigh. 

tangandchris: I hung around the insomniacs thread too. I also "graduated" but I am only surprised at how long it took me.

Runor: OK, laughed out loud at that story! It's ok to not be ok. We just keep going and find humor (and beauty) in what we can, when we can.

Mel,

Oh, no. I hope you can get some sleep somehow. If it's still bothering you tomorrow, you should get it looked at. No one needs that kind of pain.

Thinking good thoughts for you.

Mel - oh ugh!!! thinking of you.

Runor - I'm another "not IV" who haunts Mel's living room. And I LOVE your humor. Keep it up.

Tang & CHris - I too remember you from Stage 3 boards. Sorry you had to graduate but you've found a safe landing here.

Oh, mel, I'm so sorry! That's not good and it's not good if you're still hurting. Maybe Urgent Care?

Yikes Mel, sorry to hear about your fall. i hope you can sleep and it turns out to be nothing but bruising. What a literal pita

Booboo - that just sucks. I hope they get you fixed up and out of the hospital quickly.

Mel - that's terrible! Are you sure you shouldn't have seen a doc already? You're tougher than I am. I hope you find some comfort (let alone sleep) tonight.

Runor - oh my! You had me laughing. Might I suggest...suspenders! Of course the thigh handles are a statement. Lol

Kitty - yay for chance openings in the schedule! Dumb question- why did you have to have your gel nails removed?

Had my MO appt today. TMs are down to 72, which is a third of what they were two months ago. ALT/AST were also lowest ever. Calcium was a bit high - and has been since the beginning. We talked about some albumin offset calculation, which I totally did not follow. Going to test parathyroid function (Rosie, how do they treat yours? ) and ionized calcium next month. PET/CT next month, too, and if all is well may go as long as 6 months before next one if TMs stay low. All in all, a good visit.

Mel, I'm sorry about your fall. I hope the pain isn't too rough for you and you got some sleep.

Booboo, thinking of you.

This thread moves very fast, as some have said. I'm waving hi to everyone else.

Mel - ouch! Better head somewhere for x-rays. Can you put weight on your leg?

Booboo - Sorry about new developments. How are things w/hubby

Runor - you are too damn funny. Thanks for putting a smile on my face!

Mel- Go get checked out. Just to be sure.

SeeQ- Hooray for a good appt.

I just got word that my brother with renal cell carcinoma passed away this morning. I always thought I would be the one because I was all by myself in my family until this past October when he and my other brother let me know they both had cancer, the other with breast cancer.My brother knew he was going to go quickly and didn’t try to stop it. It took him in three months of diagnosis. Cancer is so weird. Some it takes so quickly, while others live for years. I’m so grateful to be starting my ninth year with this disease and still feeling relatively okay. I appreciate every day and all the time I’ve gotten to spend with my family. He was 68. My dad was 69 when he passed in an accident. I am 59. I would love at least ten more years. We shall see.

KBL, I am sorry about your brother as well. Glad he went quickly when he decided not to do anything about it and went on his own terms. My thoughts and codolences to your family.

SeeQ glad the MO visit was good.

Sondra, glad you found out how your BC came about but being the oldest and responsible for telling the familly about the mutation will upset and hope your sister can be there for your parents. Being the oldest sucks I am sure, my older brother knows all about that. Was executor of my mother's will and stuck with dealing with her debts that were not paid before she died and the house was not part of her estate since it went to me after she passed. Then he was stuck arranging packing and real estate agents, staging my condo, sold it and drove me around to various lawyers. It was crazy for him. He is still a trustee on my trust investment account since I could not keep disability unless I put a portion in a trust. He never gets a break.

Mel, hope you are feeling better or getting checked out if not.

I have walked once already and plan to do so again. I order lunch in. Some nachos with cheese, queso, salsa, sour cream and jalepeno and other peppers. It also had black beans. I make similar stuff, but not this fancy, the ground beef in this was seasoned nicely. Bonus was it was free because I get rewards for paying rent on my credit card and pay it off right away so I had enough to get it free which was nice. It came with a soft chocolate chip cookie. I will have to split it up into smaller meals as I am quite stuffed and I did not even eat that much. Crazy.

KBL- My condolences to you.

KBL, I’m so sorry. It seems he passed so quickly, unless I missed that he’d been sick for a while, either way it’s still shocking and painful. Big hugs and sympathy.