My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

runor

Booboo, I hate that you have bad news. I never know what to say to help someone through that paralyzing moment when you think, really? More bad news? Who is in charge of this shit? I want a word with management...

More on growing bellies. I think mine is going to audition as Jaba the Hutt at the new Star Wars movie. But worse than being hideous is that clothes no longer fit me. I fear my clothing. I am defeated by my pants. Pants assume you have a certain shape that facilitates their secure placement on your body. When you lose that shape, you lose your pants. While my belly has blossomed into the gelatinous mass, my ass has not kept pace. I'm all gut, no butt and you cannot keep pants on this body. I have perpetual plumber butt with my ass crack hanging out all the time. Now I could wear super tight pants that squeeze me grotesquely in the middle making me look like a tube of toothpaste with a rubber band. But those pants hurt. They dig in. They leave creases in my flabby skin. I hate them. So I wear pants that are a bit too big because they don't dig in. That also don't stay on. It's a problem. 

In desperation I dug out a pair of very lightweight leggings. At least they had an elastic waist that sort of stays on better than pants. Out I went to do chores in my leggings. In Canada. In winter. Insulative quality of leggings - zero. I may as well have been out there with no pants at all. The wind cut right though them. What to do about this? I dug around in my closet and found a long, flowing, billowing summer skirt  and pulled that on over my leggings. Winter chore jacket, insulated neoprene work gloves, snow boots, long flowing skirt. Off I go to feed and water the chickens, who freaked right out when I flounced into their pen. Problem, long skirt catches on the toes of my boots, yanks itself down and almost lands me on my face as well it drags in the chicken shit when I stoop to gather eggs. But it does provide a cozy layer of warm air around me. What to do? I got two rubber bands out of the junk drawer and gathered up a big handful of skirt fabric over each thigh and made like huge skirt ponytails sticking straight out. This hoiked the skirt up out of boot and shit range. I was warm, my leggings/skirt were staying in place, my ass crack was not on display...I was feeling pretty chuffed about this when Hub came home from work and spied me shovelling snow. He stops. "What the hell are you wearing?" The big thigh handles sticking straight out are a bit alarming, I admit this, but really, I felt he should be congratulating me on my ingenuity. When I was young I used to wear designer clothes and cutting edge fashion. Now I have shit on my skirt and a belly that holds my boobs up. Sigh. 

cowgal

TangandChris - Like moth said, those 3 CT scans are likely head, chest and abdomen. That is what I had to do and still do for my routine scans. I had the PET scan after I finished 12 weeks of Taxol but before I started radiation. They should tell you but just in case, you need to eat low carb for I think it is a couple of days prior to the PET scan. If they don't bring it up, just ask.

dutchiris

tangandchris: I hung around the insomniacs thread too. I also "graduated" but I am only surprised at how long it took me.

Runor: OK, laughed out loud at that story! It's ok to not be ok. We just keep going and find humor (and beauty) in what we can, when we can.

Micmel

Hello Ladies. Took a spill down the stairs earlier this morning just out of bed. Maybe an X-ray of my hip may be in order. The pain is very present. Went right down like a stone. Right on my side been in pain all day long with no relief. Not thinking that’s very good. But I’m hoping that I just shook my skeleton some. Or I bounce really well but I don’t need a broken hip. Who would? So I’m going to try to sleep. Lol that’s funny. Can’t sleep with out throbbing pain. What makes me think I can sleep with all of this. Ugh! hope everyone is doing well.
pocket duty for tomorrow if needed. Hugs to. You ladies

BevJen

Mel,

Oh, no. I hope you can get some sleep somehow. If it's still bothering you tomorrow, you should get it looked at. No one needs that kind of pain.

Thinking good thoughts for you.

cowgal

Micmel - I'm so sorry! I hope you get to feeling better and that it is nothing serious!

MinusTwo

Mel - oh ugh!!! thinking of you.

Runor - I'm another "not IV" who haunts Mel's living room. And I LOVE your humor. Keep it up.

Tang & CHris - I too remember you from Stage 3 boards. Sorry you had to graduate but you've found a safe landing here.

tangandchris

Oh no Mel....might need an ER visit?

I had a PET and CT's back in October. I had a delay in treatment starting so he is ordering scans after 2nd cycle, he normally waits until after 3rd cycle.

Sunshine99

Oh, mel, I'm so sorry! That's not good and it's not good if you're still hurting. Maybe Urgent Care?

runor

Mel! I hope you are okay! 

moth

Yikes Mel, sorry to hear about your fall. i hope you can sleep and it turns out to be nothing but bruising. What a literal pita

Kittykat9876

Ouch, Mel, you should get that looked at, just for peace of mind.

Well I got a call from the hospital this morning, there's a cancellation tomorrow so I'm getting my port in tomorrow, so a busy day with pre admission, blood tests and I had to get my gel nails removed, organise a ride to the hospital and home but at least it means I can start navelbine next week.

SeeQ

Booboo - that just sucks. I hope they get you fixed up and out of the hospital quickly.

Mel - that's terrible! Are you sure you shouldn't have seen a doc already? You're tougher than I am. I hope you find some comfort (let alone sleep) tonight.

Runor - oh my! You had me laughing. Might I suggest...suspenders! Of course the thigh handles are a statement. Lol

Kitty - yay for chance openings in the schedule! Dumb question- why did you have to have your gel nails removed?

Had my MO appt today. TMs are down to 72, which is a third of what they were two months ago. ALT/AST were also lowest ever. Calcium was a bit high - and has been since the beginning. We talked about some albumin offset calculation, which I totally did not follow. Going to test parathyroid function (Rosie, how do they treat yours? ) and ionized calcium next month. PET/CT next month, too, and if all is well may go as long as 6 months before next one if TMs stay low. All in all, a good visit.

Kittykat9876

Operating theatre rules, apparently they interfere with reading the oxygen levels in your blood via the sensor they put on your finger. Great news that your TM's are down, I can't wait to get started on the new treatment, it's been long enough.

Booboo, holding you in my thoughts.

KBL

Mel, I'm sorry about your fall. I hope the pain isn't too rough for you and you got some sleep.

Booboo, thinking of you.

This thread moves very fast, as some have said. I'm waving hi to everyone else.

Tanya_Djamila

Booboo hoping for the best. I sent you a message.

Mel I’m sorry about your fall. wow I suggest urgent care bc hospitals are full and germs.

Kitty Kat your port procedure should be smooth sailing. Looks like you’re treatments gonna be here very soon.

Moth Mara thanks for all the sleeping insomnia tips. I can’t get out at daybreak though too tired pain motivation. My husband goes for sunrise everyday. Sleeps like a baby.

Waving hello to everyone

Tany

GoldensRBest

Mel - ouch! Better head somewhere for x-rays. Can you put weight on your leg?

Booboo - Sorry about new developments. How are things w/hubby

Runor - you are too damn funny. Thanks for putting a smile on my face!

mara51506

Mel, I am sorry you fell and are in so much pain. I hope it eases soon. I agree about possible xrays as well.

Runor you are a good storyteller but hope you ease up on yourself soon.

Good luck Laurie with everything.

candy-678

Mel- Go get checked out. Just to be sure.

SeeQ- Hooray for a good appt.

cowgal

Runor - I am surprised that I am giving advice to a Canadian on what to wear in the winter from Oklahoma but I swear by my snow pants. They are lightweight and I wear them over my sweat pants or jeans and they have a combo elastic/drawstring waist. They are neoprene so I stay dry and warm when I am out with my cattle and horses. I feel hideous in my body too. This second bout with cancer has been worse than the first and I have some days when I really struggle. I have lost some mobility with one arm this go around and that is very frustrating.

Those with difficulty sleeping - My husband and I both work in agricultural jobs besides our farm and ranch. We are up by 5:15 to 5:30 every morning and do not stay up late at night...usually stay up later in the warmer months than in the winter. Neither of us has difficulty sleeping most of the time so I agree that the outdoors is good for that. I occasionally have trouble sleeping but it is because my mind won't shut down from work or because my back is hurting. I do have a confession to make that sometimes while I am just laying there unable to sleep, I turn on the TV and watch Ridiculousness for something I don't have to really think about.

GoldensRBest - Sorry to hear about your back. I am dealing with back issues too and I have degenerative issues going on as well. Do you have a golden retriever? They are good dogs. My DH and I are lab people and ours died right before my cancer came back. Our plan was to get my cancer stable and then get another lab. My cancer is NEAD righ now but the back issues that arose right after I finished chemo and radiation have made it where we have pushed that back until I can hopefully get my back under control. For now, my 25 year old horse has to take up the slack of being my "dog". I have owned him from the time he hit the ground and he makes a pretty good dog and gives me kisses but hubs won't allow him in the house.

Kitty - I hope all goes well with your new port.

KBL

I just got word that my brother with renal cell carcinoma passed away this morning. I always thought I would be the one because I was all by myself in my family until this past October when he and my other brother let me know they both had cancer, the other with breast cancer.My brother knew he was going to go quickly and didn’t try to stop it. It took him in three months of diagnosis. Cancer is so weird. Some it takes so quickly, while others live for years. I’m so grateful to be starting my ninth year with this disease and still feeling relatively okay. I appreciate every day and all the time I’ve gotten to spend with my family. He was 68. My dad was 69 when he passed in an accident. I am 59. I would love at least ten more years. We shall see.

BevJen

KBL,

So sorry to hear about your brother. I hope you are okay.

Anonymous

Genetics counselor called earlier today with my results - BRCA1+. While it was a relief to know that this was genetically driven, now I get to tell the family this weekend. I've already emailed my sister to find out if she will be near parents so when mom goes into overdrive (even though it looks like it probably came down father's side) someone else is around to deal with her than just dad. My sister is 32, but she has her act together, is practical, and works in medical technology, so she will go do what has to be done. Sometimes it really sucks being the eldest.

Mel - I hope you get that hip checked out, just in case.

Rosie24

KBL, I'm sorry for your loss of your brother. You're right that cancer is so unpredictable. I hope you have at least 10more years too.

Mel, Thinking of you. How are you doing today? I Imagine you had a rough night, pain seems to magnify at night for some reason. Will you be getting checked out? 🌺

SeeQ, glad your MO visit was good overall. Glad you saw my PM. For anyone else interested, I'm just being treated with extra D3 regarding high parathyroid & calcium right now

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mara51506

KBL, I am sorry about your brother as well. Glad he went quickly when he decided not to do anything about it and went on his own terms. My thoughts and codolences to your family.

SeeQ glad the MO visit was good.

Sondra, glad you found out how your BC came about but being the oldest and responsible for telling the familly about the mutation will upset and hope your sister can be there for your parents. Being the oldest sucks I am sure, my older brother knows all about that. Was executor of my mother's will and stuck with dealing with her debts that were not paid before she died and the house was not part of her estate since it went to me after she passed. Then he was stuck arranging packing and real estate agents, staging my condo, sold it and drove me around to various lawyers. It was crazy for him. He is still a trustee on my trust investment account since I could not keep disability unless I put a portion in a trust. He never gets a break.

Mel, hope you are feeling better or getting checked out if not.

I have walked once already and plan to do so again. I order lunch in. Some nachos with cheese, queso, salsa, sour cream and jalepeno and other peppers. It also had black beans. I make similar stuff, but not this fancy, the ground beef in this was seasoned nicely. Bonus was it was free because I get rewards for paying rent on my credit card and pay it off right away so I had enough to get it free which was nice. It came with a soft chocolate chip cookie. I will have to split it up into smaller meals as I am quite stuffed and I did not even eat that much. Crazy.

moth

KBL, my condolences on the death of your brother. How very shocking and cruel cancer is. I hope your family is able to come together, even if virutally to honor and remember him.

candy-678

KBL- My condolences to you.

SeeQ

KBL - so sorry about your brother. The cancers that you doubt know about until it's too late just suck. I hope you have 10 more good years, too.

Rosie - thanks for the info.

Mel - I hope we haven't heard from you because you have super muscle relaxers that knocked you out - and no broken bones!

I ran errands today - just picked up two scrips and dropped off an Amazon return at UPS. It was the second trip for the one (expensive) scrip. That's a story of inefficiency - or incompetence - but it worked out in the end. Not before I put my B**** hat on for a while.

illimae

KBL, I’m so sorry. It seems he passed so quickly, unless I missed that he’d been sick for a while, either way it’s still shocking and painful. Big hugs and sympathy.

DodgersGirl

KBL, so sorry to read of your brother’s passing. Hugs to you and sincere sympathy to you and your family.