My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

just on a sleep tangent.... I started listening to a new podcast. It's called "Huberman Lab" and it's by a neuroscientist. It just started. First episode was a general overview of brain and the nervous system but he will be talking about how to apply latest research to life stuff - learning, memory & sleep.

The whole second episode is on sleep. Easiest thing he suggested was to be outside near sunrise (even if it's several hours after), and near sunset. Shouldn't be through a window, shouldn't be wearing sunglasses. Don't stare at sun, just be outside, lift your face, let all the brightness (or coming dimness at dusk) be seen by your eyes. The light frequency given by the sun varies at sunrise and sunset (differing compositions of red and blue in sunrise and sunset). This light information is transferred to the pineal gland which governs the sleep/wake cycle.

There was tons more there about other things but this was the simplest and he says evolutionarily the oldest thing. Our eyes were first light sensors to sense day versus night. Actual vision came way later (we know this from evolutionary fossil records). So go outside for a couple minutes, even on a balcony, or even leaning out an OPEN window....sometime close to sunrise and sunset and over the course of a few days he says most people will start to reset their clocks.

& he's not a melatonin fan.... though I do use it occasionally at 3 mg.

I'm actually going to re-listen to this episode to make sure I didn't miss things. Episode 3 just came out yesterday I think.... I think this one starts going into learning.

Moth-That's very interesting about the sleep recommendations-being outdoors at sunrise and sunset. I find that I sleep well most nights if I have spent time outdoors during the day-for me its usually in the afternoon. Nights I have trouble sleeping are when I have spent the whole day indoors. I'm going to go out for a walk now. Micmel, maybe experiment with adding a daily walk (or maybe even two short ones am/pm) to your routine to see if that helps? I have to get up a couple of times during the night like you but if I have tired myself out a bit outdoors, I can usually fall right back to sleep. Just hope you can find something that works and doesn't make you feel sluggish during the day.

One thing I definitely know wherethere is a difference. If I get up in the middle of the night and look at the time, I’m done. I’ll be awake at least two hours. If I don’t, nine times out of ten, I fall right back to sleep.

If I have a terrible time sleeping, I take CBD jelly bean before bed and listen to rain with a subliminal talkdown through my bluetooth earbuds. It is very relaxing and blocks out a lot of outside noise.n

The murder trial was something that was definitely out of left field. On the plus side, I did not see anything and the testimony is just that I found bloody clothes out back, did not see anyone leave it nor did I witness the murder.

Candy, any time moving is a good time. I am glad you were able to do this. Helps a lot.

I walked twice today in the sun and enjoyed myself. I appreciate sun even in the cold weather

Yay BevJen! Yeah, immunotherapy is totally different. The side effects - if any come & for many they don't - often come weeks later or slowly develop over time. It's a totally different experience than chemo. I notice this even more now as my chemo & immunotherapy are at different clinics and now on different days of the week. Fingers crossed it trains your immune system well!

I have come to whine.

I feel utterly flattened. There is nothing I want to do. Getting out of the house has become a chore that I don't battle with anymore. Days and days go by and I just look out into the trees. The phone rings. I don't answer it. I have no energy for people. I am dull, witless, limp, boring, non-existent. I wear slob clothes. There is chicken poop on my snowboots. There are 3 dozen eggs waiting to be washed but I don't feel like it so they sit in a precarious pile, waiting for one of those horrendous accidents where you call the dog to clean it up only to realize your dog will probably die if he eats 3 dozen eggs at once. My hair is stupid and I hate myself. I can barely look at my sagging, wrinkling face. My gut like a beluga whale. My jowls, like a fat bulldog. I don't want to see people and I do't want people to see me. 

Hub and i used to go out on the wknds to a fave spot for coffee and a shared piece of pie. But the covid closed. I am SICK TO DEATH of looking at masked faces. This is not my country. These are not people I recognize. I smile at people. No one knows. The HUGE non-verbal part of communication between humans is muzzled, smothered and snuffed behind masks and I am sick TO DEATH of this entire covid shit show. This is contributing to a life that grows smaller and smaller, like the swirls of water just before they get sucked down the toilet. That's how I feel lately, like swirling toilet water. 

Wow. I need drugs. Good thing I have some.  Thanks for letting me bitch. 

I apologize that I am not current with what's happening with everyone. I truly hope that the sun is shining on all of you, wherever you are. 

Runor, sorry you are feeling that way. I can definitely empathize with the lack of energy by times and being limited. I have also gained weight even with all my walking. If I don't walk in the morning, guaranteed to cry about something that somehow bothers me. I am giving up jeans for a while and giving my self a break. I walk outdoors for the fresh air. I do not mask up because where I walk is not bad and easy to social distance. Thinking about taking the bus to a nice park, I would probably mask up there since it can be a little crowded. We will see, I need something to do and no farm or land I live on.

I hope things brighten up soon. I wish you did not look at yourself in such terms, normal to wear whatever you want around the house. Take that part easy on yourself til the day comes you feel like doing more than just the household chores, maybe get to take a stroll with your husband or family outside to forget about covid.

Runor-

I'm still new here but I wanted to reach out and grab your hand and tell you that you aren't alone. The only thing worse than stage 4 is stage 4 during a pandemic.

((Hugs))

Love to you Runor. You are not alone. I am tempted to try to say something witty (at least in my view) and likely inappropriate but I'll stick to I feel ya lady. COVID sucks along with other things. I hope things get better for you soon and you're back telling funny stories like the one about the chin hair you're husband did tell you about.

Tangandchris: I think I remember you from the Stage 3 thread?

I sleep for crap lately. I keep waking up about 1 or 2 am and can't get back to sleep. My alarm will go off in 45 minutes. It's going to be a long day.

Thank God I’m not alone with my belly. In my 16 months on Ibrance/Anastrozole, I have gained 10 lbs. 4 years ago we discovered I had adult onset scoliosis for severe degenerative disease and I lost 3 inches in height. That made me have a Buddha belly and then the weight gain. I can’t even walk to the mailbox at the end of the driveway due to pain. Are we the only ones to have these problems?

Still sitting in the infusion chair. Apparently my blood work came back with extremely high calcium levels. So my Onc showed up and asked me a bunch of questions, and said with the levels so high, they would admit me into the hospital. But I got my Xgeva shot and after my Abraxane infusion, the put me on a saline bag. So I’m still sitting here, waiting for the bag to be done.

Anyone have high calcium levels? Oh and Mi found out I’m in Stage 3 kidney failure

booboo - oh gosh, how stressful but glad they caught It! The elevated calcium and kidney failure are probably related. Kidney failure can lead to high calcium. They'll need to figure out how to reduce it. Sometimes lots of iv fluid, steroids and loop diuretic can fix it. Glad they're admitting you to sort it out.

How are you feeling?

Booboo, Sorry you got that unexpected news today. I hope they can get you taken care of. I’ve had a few high calcium levels show up on monthly labs (11.7 highest) and was referred to an endocrinologist. My high calcium seems to be related to parathyroid disease. Sending you a hug and hanging around in your pocket with good wishes for you

So I just got a call to schedule 3 CT scans for next Wednesday. I wasn't expecting 3! I am also having a PET scan Monday. These will be my first scans since starting treatment.

I'm not sure, is this the norm??

booboo, can the kidney improve or is it possibly struggling due to the abraxane and likely to heal after? I saw my number drop a couple of times on the kidney function labs. Hopefully, this is temporary.

tangandchris, “looks like I’ve graduated”, for someone fairly new to stage IV, your sarcasm/humor is coming along nicely.

Lazy day for me, watching a movie and eating a Reese’s peanut butter cup.