The Beast & Me: Round Two
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Oh that is so cool Deb! Thanks!!
Thanks all of you for your HUGS and your pms and mail... you are all the best!
I have my LE wrappings off again.
I hate DRAINS! I have four and they are driving me crazy. I made a belt for them from old bra cups. And used bra snaps to hold the satin "belt" around my waist. They fit in the cups so perfectly! But I have been getting a lot of clots in them and I have to "milk" (?) them and I do not like doing that. I actually get woozey at the site of my own blood. Great nurse I would make, eh?
Tomorrow I see the PS and hopefully the ones on the left will come out. The ones on the right won't because that is the axillary side.
I am really amazed at how they did this skin sparing mast. They saved my scar from my first cancer and it is in the exact same spot it used to be! With all the bad luck I had I think I had REALLY FANTASTIC LUCK with my medical team.
My PS filled me up to 300ccs at the surgery. I am wondering if that is why it may hurt so much?? I have to get used to the "sloshing" of the saline... kind of freaky!
Thank you thank you thank you all SO MUCH!!!!!
Better go wrap up again!
Love,
g -
g...your upbeat attitude is inspiring and it sounds like you're truly on the mend!
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Yes, those drains are truly freaky. I am way squeamish at any form of bodily fluid, especially opaque ones. And did they use some kind of glue instead of stitches? That glue is a huge improvement over stitches, but it took weeks for all of mine to peel off. More opportunities to feel squeamish. Still, it's all better than lugging around those damn tumors! Sounds like you're healing by leaps and bounds.
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Just posting a quick apology here I took a new batch of No surrender pins to the post office today and found out that even though the envelopes are less than and ounce, they are not flat. That means they need an additional 13 cents postage that means the first batch I sent out are all going to arrive postage due! Ooops! Sorry about that ladies .my bad
Hope you enjoy them anyway
Hugs
Deb C -
Good to hear from you G. Those drains are icky. My DH played nurse for me and he emptied them and measured fluid. He's a good guy! I didn't get drains when I had my bi-lat. Only when I had node dissection. I can't remember, did you have nodes removed this time? I had about 26 removed when I had my original lumpectomy. Stay well!
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Oh, those freakin drains. How I hated them. Probably more than the surgery itself! Hubby did the emptying, but I did the lugging around of them.
Your spirits sound wonderful. Hey, if attitude makes one heal faster, you'll be healing real soon.
Take care and remember to rest and let others do for you.
Shirley -
I only got ONE drain removed today. I am so bummed. They hurt so much. The ones that meet at the sternum give me the worst heartburn like feeling and the other ones under the collar bone are just plain painful.
But I SAW how BIG they are! When she took the one out I could not believe that was under my skin- NO WONDER THEY HURT!
I go back on Friday and maybe I can get another one pulled. I wish I could sleep better, but there is just not a comfortable position.
Can you tell how cranky I am today???
One week ago today I was in the operation with another 4 hours to go... so I guess that is an improvement since I am home here typing!
Still waiting on the full path report....
This has been one long haul.
Thank you for all your cards and pms and posts. You all mean the world to me.
Love,g -
G- feeling cranky is the combination of drugs getting out of your system, and lugging around those stupid drains.
Just remember, pulling them too soon would be bad....Hopefully by next week you'll be free, and take a hassle free shower.
Every day is better than the last. Keep kickin ass. -
Dear G.
You have been in my daily prayers and I just know you are going to do well!!! Keep that fighting spirit. I just hated the drains also. I kept 1 of mine in for a month. I thought I would never get rid of it. I hope yours goes a lot sooner. Take care!!
We care about you!!!
God Answers Prayers
Teresa44 -
Gina,
Hoping you get the rest of those pesky (PAINFUL) drains out soon. And especially praying that your path report is good. You are such an inspiration. I hear you about the pain meds--I can't really tolerate them, either. Hopefully, you're over the worst, and things will only get better. Glad you're happy with your docs. It means a lot to trust those who are caring for you. -
G,
Yeah, one less drain to deal with! I hated those drains and would also get woozy. I couldn't stand seeing them coming out of my body...it felt like a horror flick or something supernatural. Glad to see you are kicking butt, even when not feeling 100% yourself.
BTW- I hope you consider filing a complaint about that OR nurse that treated you so poorly after your operation. If she does not have the patience and compassion, she should find another line of work.
Take care friend. God bless you!
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G,
sneaking in to hugs you and try to put a smile on your face..
knock knock
.
.(who's there you ask...lol)
boo..
.
.(boo who you say...)
don't cry we are here for you ...hugs
MB.... -
Heylady one drain out, thats good news. YOu sound pretty creative with the bra holder for them
Stupid nurse I agree she needs to be in another line of work/ send me her name and address/ I have been taking names latley.
Hang in there and please dont forget if I can do anything just give me a yell
myrna -
gina dont forget i am available whenever you need help and i would love to visit when u are up to visitors
the drains are the worst but once u get them out you will feel like a new person
plzzzzzzzz dont hesitate to ask for help
it would make me feel better : )))
xoxoxo
julia -
Thank you so much everyone. I am not a happy camper these days. Once the drains go I am sure I will feel better.
I have a partial path report- I want to read the entire thing but this is all I got out of my BS at 11 last night-
I had 4 positive nodes and the largest of the three tumors was 2.5 cms. That was the lobular tumor. The other two are IDC. I have no other info on them. He is not sure if I am a stage 2 or 3 yet.
One I get the full report I will be able to decipher it myself and see what in hell is going on.
The pain is bad but I think it is because I have been going so long with it without any relief that everything is amplified. Esp. since I have had no sleep.
Thanks so much for all you have done for me.
Love you,
g -
Oh, geez, gina. I'm really sorry about your partial path. No one wants positive nodes. I had five. But the chemo is gonna kick butt.
Geez, I wish I could recommend something for you to take for sleep. I've been taking amitriptyline for years and that helps. Some people take trazadone. I won't recommend those because I don't know who well you would tolerate these.
You'll soon be on a treatment plan and hopefully you will feel "in control."
Hugs
Shirley -
Gina-
Just sending a hug and a pinch of the sandman's sleepy dust your way. I hope you find a way to get some rest.
I also want to let you ladies know that I have my library book bag full of envelopes to send out tomorrow with more NO SURRENDER buttons to sisters going all over the WORLD! They are going to Canada, USA, England, and Australia....how cool is that? This will make over 200 buttons out there for us to show our support.
If you still want a button, PM me your address. It has also come to my attention that I managed to send out an envelope with just the bit of bubble wrap and NO BUTTON! (Sorry Althea) If I somehow managed to be that bone-headed twice, and you don't get your button please send me a PM. I have not had the time to respond to everyone in person, but the buttons are on the way
Hugs
Deb C -
I know that I am just worn out from not sleeping because of these drains and no pain killers. But not being able to do anything has been able to let reality set in and I feel like I am in limbo... and I HATE that.
Getting the beast AGAIN is one thing, but having it come back worse is another. I STILL don't have the whole path report back but I will be needing some major chemo.
All of it seems daunting- this time it isn't the fear of the unknown, it is the fear of the KNOWN- I remember how horrid chemo was the first time and I am not anxious to start it again.
The one thing I am happy about is that I do not have breasts anymore. I feel CLEAN. Even all the lymph nodes are gone- including the positive ones.
And when I look at myself in the mirror I have to say that even in the swollen, bruised, beat up shape they are in now, my new breasts are more beautiful than my old ones. These are new, clean, cancer free breasts and that makes them gorgeous to me. Plus I think I was blessed with a plastic surgeon from heaven.
I know once I get my full path report in and can sit down with my onc and get my battle plan in order I will feel better. I even have been looking at new wigs online- "Mrs. Doubtfire" my old wig was retired and now it is time for something new.
The saddest thing is my onc can't keep treating me because he too stopped taking my insurance. He was like the general in my cancer fighting army last time, and now I am losing him. That is making me really sad.
I promise girls, I will be back to my old self soon. I just need some friggin drains pulled and some sleep and my plan of action.
I am so sorry I have been MIA lately.
Thanks for listening and for everything you have all done for me.
Love,
g -
g - Just take care of yourself. Don't worry about making promises or being back to your old self. Take all the time you need. We'll be here whenever you need us. We know you'll be back when you're able. Try to get some rest.
lini -
g- You should never feel that you have to apologize for not being 'Ms Sunshine' while you're going through such an awful ordeal, yet again!
I'm sure that this is even scarier this time around because you both know 'too much' AND have new issues and people to deal with. As for upcoming chemo, maybe concentrating on your new wig and your new (healthy!) boobs will help, as will the thought that the cancer is hormone positive and, thus, more amenable to the chemo and follow-up treatments that are available. So after this final go-around, you should be TOTALLY CANCER-FREE. Then your awesome life and the new, better-than-ever g-girl will emerge. Count on it!
Hang in there, girl. We're with you. -
G,
I am so sorry about the positive nodes - but Shirley is right - chemo is going to kick that nasty cancer's butt!!!! If there is any even left.
You should feel much better and be able to relax more comfortably once those remaining drains are removed.
Your attitude is truly amazing and inspiring - even when you say "I will be back to my old self soon",your attitude is still tremendous! And you still have that sense of humor. You are my hero.
Speaking of Mrs. Doubtfire, please let me know if you want any of my wigs? I have an ash blond bob and a longer layered, light brown one, from Renee of Paris (I think?). Let me know.
xoxo
Raye -
Sending a Hug....Oh my goodness...I'm typing with my dog on my lap and that came out "sending a hog" until I looked up
Gina, please, please never feel you have some obligation to be Little Mary Sunshine here.
We DO understand. You are doing great. Soon, you will be on track to continue kicking cancer's butt. Come and share the good AND the bad patches and we will be here to help.
Saying a prayer that the drains are gone soon and you get some rest.
Hugs
Deb C -
gina...please hang in there. I know it's tough. We are here hugging you and holding your hand and keeping you up. I have no words...I just hope it gets better with time.
Am thinking of you and praying you will feel better and stronger soon. I know you will. You can do this. Just keep hanging in there.... -
Ditto on the above.
Take your time and GIVE YOURSELF TIME,
and above all don't apologize
for not being on your other self.
It goes the same for everyone, sometimes
others need us and sometimes we need the others.
It will only do you good to let this "self" get out,
so your other self will have the all space.
Guess most of us at this moment do understand absolutely,
that of the being "afraid of what one knows" ...
Sometimes ignorance can be a blessing.
But check this ... this time is like you said, "CLEAN".
Hang in there.
We know at this moment you may not do well
with hugging, but don't you worry ...
we will stretch our arms for you.
A great HUG.
. -
NS,
Just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you are able to get some sleep soon...
Heal fast because I'm still looking forward to getting a ride in that teeny little car of yours. This summer might be a good time as I know we'll have to open the sunroof so the upper half of my body can fit, lol. Maybe after all this is over, you'll get something a little bigger - like a skateboard or something
Seriously, feel better soon and enjoy your new cancer-free girls! -
Gina! You have ALWAYS been "here" for other women on this board who have been in need of hugs, advice, assurance, etc.
It is time for you to sit back and "take" all you can from us! You have every right in this world to feel badly and, yes, even sorry for yourself! Damn! You are ONLY human!
Now, be a good girl and take our advice. Come here as often as you feel like it. Come vent, crying, kicking, cussing...anything! You do not have to put on a smile for us. We KNOW what you are going through. We KNOW what you are facing, and I know that we wouldn't want to do this again. I have been saying for months that I need to get this other boob lopped off. It's doing me no good. But'cha know what? I'm chicken and don't want to go into surgery again. But, trying to rationalize my fears is stupid because if this comes back in the other boob it WILL be chopped off.
Try to get as much rest as you can. Not sleeping sucks! I wish there was something you could take. And pain is no fun. So why do you feel you have to be cheerful. I'd be a grump!
Shirley -
Dear Gina, I am sorry you had to lose your oncologist. It would be great if we could base our treatment decisions on choice of doctor and not choice of insurance. insurance stinks, doesn't it? Were you able to get some word-of-mouth recommendation to someone else you think you will like?
I don't post much but I am following your updates and thinking of you. And I have my Alaska Deb "no surrender" lapel pin to wear in your honor. I hope you can get some rest tonite
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Dearest Gina
Everyone knows about you at my hospital, I wear my NO SURRENDER pin on my uniform and everyday someone asks what it means, I tell them about you!!
Hoping you feel a bit more comfortable soon,
love Tina -
Hi Gina,
I am so sorry that you're really suffering right now. Being in constant pain can make everything seem even worse. Once the drains are removed and the pain lets up, I hope you'll feel so much better, emotionally as well as physically. And you'll have the strength to face another round of chemo.
But in the meantime, this is what we're here for--vent, cry, and rage all you want. The women on these boards really understand. And we're sending positive energy your way. I was surprised when I went through a second bc, how much the good thoughts and prayers of other women here meant to me. I hope they'll help you, too. -
Dear Gina.
I just NOW saw this thread and my heart broke. I am sooo sorry you're having to face this battle again, but I want you to know I am absolutely inspired by you. You have always given so much to the other women on this board. Your upbeat attitude, soft heart and strength of spirit shines through in all your posts.
I loved what you said about your clean, new boobies. I'm going to start checking this thread every day to see how you are doing and will feel so relieved to hear your last drain has been removed.
Take care and try to hold still while i hug you very gently.
Patrice
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