The Beast & Me: Round Two

nosurrender

Cancer came back to my other breast.
I have three tumors, all cancerous, all under the nipple. Looks like they have absolutely nothing to do with my first cancer so it is not THAT one 'returning' this is a whole new ball game.
My first one was trip neg and IDC and this one looks like lobular and ER +!! Nothing is definite yet about the estrogen receptors though.
Apparently, once we get dx'd with BC we are at high risk for getting it again as a new primary- which is what I have.
I need to get scans to make sure there aren't distant mets and I will need a bilateral mast and ugh chemo again. I just donated my wig at my five year anniversary!

Anyway- please please please keep up with your followup care! I had a clear mammo in July and look at me now.

I am still trying to absorb this. Trying to stay ahead of the fear. When fear starts crawling up my spine i get mad- MAD that I have to do this again. But I am SO MUCH smarter now....I am not the little dim wit I was five years ago who didn't understand a friggin word my new onc said to me.

I think I may have just become the patient from hell!

Too bad.

I want to get immediate implants with skin sparing if i can. But have to speak to breast surgeons and plastic surgeons as well. Can't take cytoxan again because of my bad reaction so finding a good tonic water to mix my chemo cocktail with will be fun. My onc mentioned gemzar- does anyone know anything about any of these things that they would like to share?

Thanks for listening.

Love,
g

maryannecb

NS, you did it once, you Can do it again.

So sorry.

Fists up!

LuAnnH

Gemzar is good chemo, not sure how it is on a new cancer but has been having good results in mets with minimal side effects. Good luck! Look out onc!

LuAnn

gwenn

NS Im really sorry to hear this! I don't have anything to share about Gemzar but I just wanted you to know Im thinking of you and sending a cyber hug your way ((hugs))

Chrysalis

NS - I'm so sorry that you have to go through this again. As you said, you are much wiser this time, so hopefully the learning curve will be shorter! Good luck with your scans and making treatment decisions. I've not done Gemzar, but I've heard good things about it.

Renee

Anonymous

((((NS))))

I'm so sorry you have to do battle with the beast again. I HATE this stupid disease!

I don't know anything about gemzar, but I'm sure you will get some responses about it soon. Do you have a date set for your surgery? Please let us know as soon as you can. You're in my thoughts and prayers, my dear...

tawyna1

ns- so sorry i pray everything goes well.

christineK

((((NS))))
So sorry for this news, it has got to be really early, since your July mammo was clear, keep that good thought in you head.
I believe this time you know more than the docs and will be such an advocate for yourself, you jut gotta be. You know that, before you know it this will fight will be won!

Hattie

I'm sorry. You licked it once, you can do it again (wish you didn't have to).
Take care,
--Hattie

CherylG

Oh no G .... Words just cannot express how sorry I am to hear that you have to face the beast again. But you are right ... you are much wiser this time and you know what to expect. You are a strong woman with a whole circle of strong women supporting you. I have read good things about Gemzer chemo ... apparently the side effects are minimal.
You can do this ... be strong and lean on your sisters who love you.
Higs
CherylG

kirby

NS,

I am so sorry you have to go through this again. I know it is hard, but you are more informed now, maybe that will help a little.

Keep fighting and kick this stuff to the curb, you can do it, we are all behind you.

Sarah~We're all in this together

c2et

Dear NS:
I'm so sorry this is happening again to you. So many of us (myself included) have benefited from your knowledge, spirit and spunk. Now we are here for you!!!

Chattypatti

NS,
I am so sorry you have to deal with this again. But you are much smarter now so just think of the knowledgable questions you can ask and how much more proactive and assertive you can be in beating this disease again. You might just know more than some of them! You kick some butt and if you become the patient from hell, so be it! You need to take care of number one! Hang in there and let us know what kinds of treatment and surgery you end up doing. ((((HUGS))))
Patti

sahalie

Continued Courage.

VickiTN

NS,
I'm so sorry to hear about this. But, you're right...you're armed with so much more knowledge this time.

We'll all be here for you! Sending prayers up for you.
hugs,
vicki

cheryl58

((((((((NS))))))) I am so sorry that you have to face this again. I want you to know that you have gotten me through my journey with your strength, courage and beautiful words. A while back you had posted what the "first day of chemo" was like. I printed that out and had it where I could read it before I started chemo. It is the one thing that made me feel that I could make it throught that first time. NS, you are an inspiration to so many, me included. Your strength comes through in every one of your posts. Please know that I will be right here with you every step of the way because you have been there for me. Please don't ever feel alone, okay?

Love,
Cheryl

P.S. I had lobular bc, bilateral mast (no recon), AC chemo, and now tamoxifen so if I can help with anything at all, just let me know.

DragonladyTina

Gina,

I feel sick I don't know what to say
You have been a constant source of strength to all of us. You are our biggest advocate. We will be here for you, you know that by now my friend.
Don't give in to the fear, I know it's hard especially at night if you can't sleep, all sorts of things go through your head.
You are one tough, smart and beautiful woman both inside and out. You will get through this and will be shining brighter than ever you did before. I know you will.
I am crying inside and so is my husband Mike, I told him all about you and how awful the wait has been, every day he asks me...How is Gina? I just told him now and he is devastated as am I.
Call me when you have a chance, you may need something.

love Tina

Member_of_the_Club

I read somewhere that when women have to go through it with a new primary they do better emotionally than the first time, for lots of reasons. This sucks, but your cancer-fighting muscles are already well-developed. Sounds like a "better" tumor this time in terms of characteristics. Good luck.

kimmytoo

I'm sorry... I really don't have anything inspiring to say -- but I think that 'this really sucks' sums it all up pretty well.

We all know you can do it, but it sure is hard to gear up for battle again (especially once you know what the fight is like...) I'll be praying for you and also wishing that all the pieces fall into place to make this an 'easier' battle, if there is such a thing...

Sending love and prayers.....

looneycrew

I'm sorry you are dealing with this again. That was one of the reasons I chose to have both breasts removed. Then I go into surgery to remove the "good" breast and do bi-lat recon and they found cancer. Like you, different type of cancer than first. I wish I would have been able to have both breasts removed originally. Another thing, this one didn't show up in mammo either. ARRRGGGHHHH!
You are strong and you kicked this before, you can do it again. I am sending good vibes your way that your treatment brings you the health and hope you deserve.
Much love,
Jen

denverSue

{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}} this disease sucks!

SoCalLisa

Many hugs to you across the miles<<<<<<<<hugs>>>>>>>>>>>>
That is velcro attached!!
Can't tell you how sorry to hear the news..It is a boon that now you are so knowedgeable and can give the oncs a kick when they need it.
It will be a long journey, but this time you know the
trail..Holding your hand along the way...Lisa

myrnaincabc

Damn it! Sorry but thats how I feel. I have been thinking about you even though we have never met. Anytime I have ever had a question you would always answer or direct me to a source. Your just the coolist lady I have ever not met. Your right though you do know alot now, be a patient from hell, I think that is really the way to go with this stupid b/c. I know you have many friends and folks who admire and care for you on these boards, but if your ever up late /or early and need to just talk or yell please call me, I feel like you have helped me get through this with your strength and kindness I would love to give something back. Your in my prayers, your a tough gal, go kick some b/c as*******************

iodine

Well, HELL, this just rips, NS, I'm so sorry.
And you are right, the docs won't know what hit'em when you get finished with them! Neither will this damn beast in your breast.
We are with you as always, NS, all the way.

karen1956

NS - I am so very sorry that you have to travel the BC journey again. It just plain old stinks. But you beat it once and you will beat it again. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.
Karen in Denver

shokk

Dedicated to NoSurrender from the book Life of Pi.........."I would have given up--if a voice hadn't made itself heard in my heart. The voice said, "I will not die. I refuse it. I will make it through this nightmare. I will beat the odds, as great as they are. I have survived so far, miraculously. Now I will turn miracle into routine. The amazing will be seen every day. I will put in all the hard work necessary. Yes, as long as God is with me, I will not die." NoSurrender my daughter is making me read this book.....when I picked it up today it opened to this passage.........you do tend to turn the miracle into routine ....we are all with you 100 percent....try and get some rest....by the end of next week you will have your game plan and will be ready for battle..............

Anonymous

oh Gina...
All kinds of love and strength heading your way...
Crap!

csp

I wanted to repost this in NS's thread here on Moving Beyond- it is a letter she posted in the circle that she sent to cancer"
G,
Standing beside you always~

Love,
Carrie


To: The Beast Cancer
From: No Surrender
Date: 2/7/07


Hey Cancer-
Yeah, YOU.
I hear you are nosing around looking to take another spin around the chromosomal dance floor with me again.
Are you sure you want to do it?
I beat you once. And that was when I didn’t know anything.
Now I know you. I know all your sneaky ways and all the little tricks you have up your sleeve…
And you still want to take me on?
Just what part of “NoSurrender” do you not understand?
I am ready for you and I am not afraid of you.
I used to be.
No more.
Now I am good and mad.
And I will beat you again and again and again- no matter how many times you try to cut in on my slow, long, beautiful dance with Ned.
Take my advice, stop messing with my sisters too.
We have had enough.
And we are all good and mad.
YOU don’t stand a chance.
Bring it on cancer.
I am ready for you.

I guess you don’t go to the movies much- If you want to know what you are up against, Cancer, watch The Untouchables….

Lesson #1:

“Never stop, never stop fighting till the fight is done.

and
Lesson #2 :
“One more thing, you have an all out prize fight, you wait until the fight is over, one guy is left standing. And that's how you know who won.“

I plan to be the one left standing….
Thus endeth the lesson.

--------------------
"This is no time to go wobbly"

TeddyJudy

Gina ~
Go and kick some Cancer's A**. You are right you are geared and ready to fight. You are a lot more knowledgeable and POOR ONC and SURGEONS.... but hey it's your body and you want them to do what you WANT!

I too had A/C so I could not help you with gemzar, but I am sure you will have everything on this chemo down and tell the doctors how to use it and what it is used for by the time it is discussed.

You are MY inspiration and so very much loved by all. Please try and get some rest (as much as you possibly can) so that you can tackle this BEAST with FULL GUNS AHEAD and with plenty of AMMUNITION to boot.

I am sure everyone has plenty of tears flowing for you as do I, but with your OUTLOOK, you will do WELL and help all of us to be stronger for you as well.

Many Hugs ((((((Gina)))))))) go out to you as well as prayers.
Judy

denisa

i am sorry to read you have to go through this crap again. but this time you are going into it armed and wiser. no doubt you will kick it's butt!

denisa

Fitztwins

Well that just sucks the big one!!!! I hate to say this, but I am glad to hear it is a new primary. Because that is easy to kick back into last year!

G, you are a rock of this board. We all love you and respect your opinions.

Sometimes don't you just want to scream "WHAT ABOUT ME??"

Round II, here we go. We are right beside you my friend.

Janis