Need your opinion

Hi. I'm completely open about my diagnosis as I feel it avoids having to either explain/or cover up the inevitable hair loss as treatments evolve. I'm one of those who hates wigs - they always have far more hair than I have ever had so I feel weird, their hot and itchy... yuch - so go natural if hair loss is part of the treatment. Having said that, my social circle is relatively small so those that know me have known for some time.

I tell everyone. I cannot imagine discussing cancer with a friend and not mentioning it. If I found out way later that someone had chosen to keep their own dx, including progression, from me I'd definitely rethink the whole friendship. I think this is a recipe for hurting and losing friends.

A lot of people knew of my early stage diagnosis, but I am not an open book about the mbc diagnosis. I did not even tell close friends until I determined my kid was ready to know, because people can't keep secrets. It was my judgement knowing my kid, not someone else's choice. And then the few friends I chose to tell, who are also mothers, understood. My kid did not need to hear the whole saga, just what was relevant now. That's what worked for us; other families will find their own way.

I have valuable information for a newbie, and I would offer what would be helpful to them where they are. I would not bring up stage iv to a newly diagnosed person, because at that point it is about them and what they are currently going through. Deer in the headlights. Trying to get through diagnosis and treatment. If they wanted to talk about what if stage iv and what that might mean, then I might open up and try to encourage them that we can live with it longer and better than they might think.

Finallyoverit - I was an open book back in 2008 when I was first dx. I started a new career in 2011 and love it ! I was shocked in 2019 with my stage 4 dx . I decided to keep it quiet unless I had to have treatment where I lost hair or felt terrible and needed to quit. Close friends know but most don’t live in my community. So far I feel fine - I have no shame in my dx but didn’t like the “how’s your health “ questions I got with stage 1 from random people . In general, people don’t understand stage 4 - at all. It’s too much and i found myself having to console people when I shared my stage 1 dx which I don’t need to take on. I feel good, still work full time and am taking it scan by scan and still trying to really get my balance with this. If / when I progress, I may change my mind.