Rude comments made by others at the gym about modifying exercise

Options
mitziandbubba
mitziandbubba Member Posts: 177
edited January 2020 in Working on Your Fitness

I have only recently returned to working out, Twice I have gotten comments about modifying exercise. Perhaps this is more of a vent than anything.

The first comment was after a yoga class I took where I didn't do downward dog or any poses contraindicated for people with risk of lymphedema. After class a woman approached me and said that I shouldn't bother attending the class if I can't do the flows like everyone else.

I also started working with a trainer end of August and it is group training. I am given smaller weights and fewer reps than the others for upper body - and someone noticed this and complained to the trainer that I need to "keep up" or that the trainer needs to reduce her weights to what I am using ! I was shocked and all I could think of to say was "Hey, you keep your eyes on your own paper"

I'd never dream of saying anything like this to anyone but it is really throwing me off. The woman who made the weights comment has made several other snide comments to me about not working hard. The only reason I can imagine that she finds this to be okay is that other than my upper body, I have bounced back to fitness very quickly and I think it is confusing to others. My first week I could barely do 10 sit ups and pretty quickly I'm busting out several hundred Russian twists. I don't usually respond to her, just smile but I think the next comment, I'm going to mention cancer and let her feel bad about picking on me!

I love my fitness but I don't know how to respond to comments like this? Other then with four letter words?

«1

Comments

  • moth
    moth Member Posts: 4,800
    edited November 2019

    Wow, that is weird & unkind! I wonder if it's just 1 person or if your fitness facility has a super competitive vibe?

    I think I would first of all speak to the instructor of both classes and ask them to make an announcement before class that everyone is working at their own level and that the instructor is aware of modifications which are being made for various health reasons.

    Depending on how you feel about sharing your story you could just disclose it. I personally do and have no problems telling perfect strangers about it. I have told many people about being in treatment, being after treatment etc I don't do it to make anyone feel bad but more of a PSA about getting checked, following up on symptoms and a 'this is what a cancer patient looks like' thing - dispelling some of the myths.

    You could wear a tshirt or tank with some logo and just point to it.

    Or if you don't want to disclose you could be more generic and say "I have a medically supervised program and I have to follow it". People might ask if you were injured and you can just say yeah, sort of and change the topic.

    Or you could say "I'm not sure how this is any of your business?" and smile.

    good for you for getting back on the fitness track quickly & don't let the crazies keep you away from sweating :)

  • L8Blmr
    L8Blmr Member Posts: 133
    edited November 2019

    Shame on them!! I'd definitely throw a "well, after cancer surgery and radiation, I'm just super happy to be able to attend yoga class". And maybe add, "and y'all are such great inspiration for me." Kill 'em with kindness-works every time. And when you're driving home LAUGH at how moronic some people are and be glad that it's not you! Keeping it positive!

  • edj3
    edj3 Member Posts: 2,076
    edited November 2019

    I'm with L8Blmr. I would smile so sweetly and say yes it's a shame I can't do these workouts as well as they can but I'm so grateful to be back working out at all after my cancer diagnosis and treatment. And then I'd walk away.

  • Ingerp
    Ingerp Member Posts: 2,624
    edited November 2019

    This all sounded really weird to me. I belong to a gym that has several locations in town, two of which I regularly go to. I’ve been going consistently for six years. I have *never* attended a class where anyone cared what another person in the room was doing. If it’s more than one person it does sound like it might be the culture of the gym you attend. Is there another option where you live?

  • AnnC2019
    AnnC2019 Member Posts: 203
    edited November 2019

    I would tell them to mind their own business. Or maybe use a bit of Carl Roger’s psychology on them. “I see that you are feeling very annoyed that I didn’t do the downward dog today.”

  • MinusTwo
    MinusTwo Member Posts: 16,634
    edited November 2019

    Really weird. I have never been to a class where the instructor said everyone should listen to his or her own body and adjust the exercises as needed. I don't chose to tell anyone about my cancer, but in any case I think the instructors or owners of these gyms/classes should handle it. If it's happening to Mitzi, it's happening to others who may have very different problems.

  • WC3
    WC3 Member Posts: 1,540
    edited November 2019

    Wow, those ladies really need to learn to mind their own business!

    Sorry you had to encounter such people. The course instructor should have a word with them.

  • gb2115
    gb2115 Member Posts: 1,894
    edited November 2019

    That's really rude...I would definitely mention cancer to that lady and let her fester in the shame of what she's said.

  • Beesie
    Beesie Member Posts: 12,240
    edited November 2019

    I'm with L8Blmr and edj3. Be polite, soft-spoken and hit them between the eyes with a simple statement of the facts.

  • Rah2464
    Rah2464 Member Posts: 1,647
    edited November 2019

    I am completely at a loss as to why a fellow exerciser would complain about someone else adjusting their workout to their capabilities and I am so sorry you experienced this. I agree with L8Blmr and edj3 and Beesie sweetly and politely let them know what you have been through. Here's hoping they will be embarrassed by their actions.

  • mitziandbubba
    mitziandbubba Member Posts: 177
    edited November 2019

    Thank you everyone for your suggestions and support. I'm glad others find this odd too.

    TBH, I really don't like the atmosphere at the new gym, but I am in a rural area so I am limited. The trainer there understands lymphedema risk and has a client with lymphedema, so I feel totally comfortable with her. I used to work out at the Y by myself and I like the atmosphere so much more, but I feel like I need the trainer's help at least now. I actually still belong to the Y and I go there too, it is a much nicer vibe. One thing that I was thinking of is to change my time with her to a less crowded time so there isn't anyone wondering why I'm not doing the same number of kettle bell swings as they are. When I have gone in the afternoon it is just me and the trainer and perhaps that is better.

  • ksusan
    ksusan Member Posts: 4,505
    edited November 2019

    All reasonable, but if these people are doing this to you, they're doing it to others as well. I also support having a word with the instructors (though my go-to for this sort of thing is a sweet smile and something like,"I hope you don't get cancer--it really does a number on your physical abilities!")

  • SUPer52
    SUPer52 Member Posts: 122
    edited November 2019

    It doesn't seem fair that you should have to alter your schedule because members at your gym are snarky and can't mind their own business. I am in total agreement with L8BMlr and Edj. When I first returned to upper body workouts, I wondered if the people who used the weight machines after me were secretly judging me when they saw where I had left the pin in the weight stack. It never dawned on me, however, that someone would be so rude as to say something out loud.

    When I have participated in any group classes at my gym, the instructor always demonstrates modified poses in case there is anyone in the group who may need them and in my spin class, the instructor always gives recommended gear and rpm settings, but reminds everyone it is "our own" workout and to feel free to make it as such. And everyone seems to pretty much mind their own business.

    You are paying as much for your membership as the others are. Gyms are places where not only those who are physically fit continue to increase or maintain their level of fitness, but they are also places where those who are rehabbing injuries, recovering from surgeries, and fighting illness go to become stronger, to manage side effects, to recover flexibility and range of motion, and to have guidance from trainers to ensure proper form.

    I would have no qualms about letting those judgmental women know that you are recovering from treatments for cancer and remind them that since you aren't teammates in organized athletics, the amount of work you put in to your training is of no concern or consequence to them. And, for that matter, just because someone is moving faster or lifting heavier than someone else, doesn't necessarily mean they are working harder. For someone recovering from surgery to the chest, lifting ten pounds could take much more work than it would for someone else lifting 50. And for the woman who said she should get the same workout you do.....I'd have a hard time not asking her if she'd also like the same illness and treatments that make it necessary for me to have that workout.

    As a high school teacher, I am always reminding my female students how important it is that as young women they support, encourage, and lift each other up and not be judgmental and critical of each other because they never know what challenges someone else is dealing with. Those women at your gym obviously never had such a lesson. Hopefully it's not too late for them to learn it.


  • mitziandbubba
    mitziandbubba Member Posts: 177
    edited November 2019

    ksusan - I hate the thought that other people are being made to feel intimidated. I imagine someone trying the gym for the first time getting comments like these and feeling unwelcome. I'm not a newbie but it was still upsetting to me - if it were the first time I went to a gym I may never have gone back! And perhaps I should make a comment like the one you mention - make 'em feel bad for picking on a cancer survivor! I mean, I actually had a wicked radiation tan on one side when I started - you could fully see it.

    SUPer - what you are saying is very true and my experience most of the time I have been working out. Even very fit people need to modify sometimes for things.

    I think I am going to complain to the gym owner who is also my trainer and just say how I am feeling next time it happens.



  • nopink2019
    nopink2019 Member Posts: 329
    edited December 2019

    Time to throw cown the "cancer" card and try to put nosy busy bodies in their place. After my initial cancer I got nothing but accolades when I got strong again, from those who knew me. I'm not one to speak out to jerks, mostly I just walk away. But I frequently wish I was the type to put people like that in their place. Now I have MBC (30% of "survivors" do, just no one mentions that little statistic) and frequently get the "inquisition" about not doing my former activities from ignorant people I've just met. Like "oh, I ski after knee replacement, get a good doctor and they can fix you up". The best feeling is when you can trap someone like that at a crowded party and drone on about failed treatment plans, intolerable side effects, filling out your "5 Wishes" for last days, etc, then say "oh, I need another drink" and walk away. Then leave party and cry for another 3 days. I got stronger & healthier after completing initial cancer treatment than I had ever been in my life and had 11 years of adventures, hiking, climbing, skiing, camping. So get back to the gym, then on to real fun.

  • mitziandbubba
    mitziandbubba Member Posts: 177
    edited December 2019

    nopink, you are AWESOME. This comment is what I needed to hear! I am getting strong again and I have decided not to let these haters chase me out of the gym! I have been doing a lot of barre workouts at home b/c they have been helping my elbow and arm which didn't like my surgery but Jan 1 I go back to the trainer. My PT wants me to refrain from weights due to the elbow, but to start some light body weight exercises. My core and my legs, I've been blasting them and I'm happy for that!

    I have been getting more comfortable about putting people in their place. Most people are super supportive and I don't need to do it often though.

    Good for you educating others. A little discomfort in the pursuit of honest truths is never a bad thing. People need to know that a pink ribbon doesn't cure anything and that there is much more to the story.

    I was looking into starting mountain climbing. When it gets warm I might try my first Adirondack peak. I've been thinking about that for a while.


  • Mavericksmom
    Mavericksmom Member Posts: 635
    edited December 2019

    I am obese, have lymphedema in my left arm, have two total reverse shoulder replacements and had breast cancer twice with mastectomy and reconstruction. I go to Planet Fitness. I know they are national but I am lucky to have one within 10 minute drive to my house. They advertise that they are a no judgement zone. Sometimes I feel like I don’t fit in with others who can out do me on all the equipment, but no one has ever been rude to me, nor has anyone ever stared at me or given me the impression that they even notice my lack of athleticism. Everyone just does their own thing. It really does feel like a no judgement gym.

  • mitziandbubba
    mitziandbubba Member Posts: 177
    edited December 2019

    Mavericksmom, it is so great that you love going to PF. I have been to gyms where I felt so welcome. I used to go to Crunch which advertised itself as a no judgement zone too and it truly was. I loved it there. I live rurally now and there isn't much to choose from but I am really into fitness and some dumb comments will not stop me. I do really like this trainer very much. No one should ever be made to feel judged or unwelcome in any way. I have gone to various gyms for years (since my 20s on and off and I am 48) and this is the first time I had ever felt uncomfortable. And I'm too busy sweating when I work out to even look at anyone else.

    It was very odd and it threw me. I think I was extra sensitive because this all happened shortly after I finished active treatment. I think if it happens again, I will not hold back!



  • WC3
    WC3 Member Posts: 1,540
    edited December 2019

    Mavericksmom:

    When I first started going to the gym as an obese young adult, my first day there I was worried about being judged negatively. I had a little speech prepared in my mind that if anyone should be at a gym, it should be me. I never had to give that speech. No one made any negative comments to me. However a people did give me words of encouragement when the weight started coming off. Some people there were regulars and never seemed to drop any weight but it could be that wasn't their goal. The important thing is, they still worked out regularly.

    I've started back at the gym recently...a different one, and I'm very limited. It's a lot of trial and error and modified exercises and I know some people there probably think I'm a gym novice or shouldn't be there but I'm not concerned. They will get a lesson in the effects of breast cancer and it's treatment if they bother me.

  • TB90
    TB90 Member Posts: 992
    edited December 2019

    I was so curious, I had to take a peak at this thread. I cannot imagine a gym where anyone even pays attention to anyone else. The gyms I have attended have stroke victims recovering, heart patients being monitored and Olympic athletes training. I think your gyms need to be shut down quite honestly. Where bullying is permitted in a fitness setting is beyond acceptable. It is not only the individuals, but the establishment that allows such an environment. I would go elsewhere and stop supporting these places.

  • gb2115
    gb2115 Member Posts: 1,894
    edited December 2019

    I have thought about trying PF...I need somewhere....where I can get on an exercise bike for just a few minutes to see what it does to my knees. I have such awful weak tendons or something. But I am back to 30 minutes of Leslie sansone DVDs (well, the slower ones), so that is a victory!!

  • santabarbarian
    santabarbarian Member Posts: 3,085
    edited December 2019

    In my town our rehabilitation center also sells memberships to people for its gym. That might be an alternative to a commercial gym, for others, if other rehab centers do this... w/ a good no judgement zone...

  • TB90
    TB90 Member Posts: 992
    edited December 2019

    gb2115: Leslie Sansone!! I thought I was the only one that still used these. I love to walk outdoors, but with windchill factors below -40C at times, Leslie becomes my best friend. Lo

  • mitziandbubba
    mitziandbubba Member Posts: 177
    edited December 2019

    I live in a rural area so there are not many choices. I used to go to a gym that I LOVED but it is 40 min away and that is not realistic. And I have lived here for 3 years and never got comments until August when I went back to training after cancer. I love my trainer so I am going to focus on that. I am getting back to where I was and honestly, when I work out I am usually too sweaty/focused to hear anyone else. I think early on I was super sensitive about people "finding out" that I had cancer. It was like this big secret - of course I live in a small town so anyone that new me even a little knew. Now I am happy to tell anyone if it comes up. Proud and grateful to be able to work out!

    I have been working out for many years (except during my mid to late 30s when I sat on the couch and basically ate ice cream) in various settings and I have never had anyone even make the slightest comment to me about anything other than "cute leggings" etc. But onward and upward. Crushing my workouts are more important than some strange people.




  • beach2beach
    beach2beach Member Posts: 996
    edited December 2019

    Wow,,what nerve. I'm generally not confrontational but if that happened to me, I'd have let loose a bit lol. I used to go to LA Fitness for a few years..now I go to Planet Fitness. Go in and get it done. Think the purple theme of PF makes you want to just get it in, do it and leave lol.

    Don't let anyones neg comments on something they know nothing about what's going on, turn you off from going. If you feel more comfortable, find somewhere else but in the meantime go, you are doing it for you.

  • Loriwarrior
    Loriwarrior Member Posts: 20
    edited December 2019

    Checking in to see if you either spoke to the instructor about your experience and have considered changing gyms?

    It is tough enough for survivors to get their "groove back" or to set new goals.

    I am sorry these negative comments caused you grief!

  • mitziandbubba
    mitziandbubba Member Posts: 177
    edited December 2019

    I belong to two gyms and the incidients happened in both. I did tell the yoga instructor and she was absolutely horrified - she is also a friend. I did not tell my trainer and the other gym. And I did leave the second gym but I just decided why am I leaving, so I am back tomorrow at that gym! The trainer really helped me, she is lovely. She really helped me start to get back to my fitness. I never mentioned the negative comments to her but she did mention to me that she loves my positive attitude and really wants to foster a positive vibe at the gym. I am not going to let haters stop me from getting my six pack by the time I'm 50 (and possibly before!).

  • blah333
    blah333 Member Posts: 270
    edited January 2020

    wow this is depressing to hear! I am taking a (weights) class soon at my local community college (it will be free, can't afford the gym). I know I will have to tell the teacher I may have certain machines that I cannot do or cause discomfort for me. I only had two nodes removed but have had swelling - simply from carrying grocery bags and from lifting a hamper the "wrong" way. Doctors seem clueless about lymphedema and just told me to avoid repetitive movements. I am starting to learn I can't have things hang off my arm - but need to feel out other triggers. My arms have become rather weak though I am in good shape and love cardio (was 35 at diagnosis now 37). I wanted to take a yoga class but it conflicted with my schedule. I didn't realize there were some yoga poses that we are not supposed to do :( where do I find more info on that? I do not like telling (new) people my history unless absolutely necessary OR they have indicated a similar history. I do sometimes allude to a surgery though. I didn't have recon and am flat and people don't even have a fucking clue! wtf. Would hate to receive this kind of attitude from people.

  • MountainMia
    MountainMia Member Posts: 1,307
    edited January 2020

    blah333, any good instructor will be able to help you modify your exercises to suit your physical needs. You don't need to tell them anything you don't want to. "I'm recovering from an illness" is specific enough, with some outline of where you think your restrictions will be. At my gym, people keep to themselves. (I don't attend classes but work out by myself, so perhaps it's somewhat different in group instruction spaces.) The very few people I have talked to about my health have been very supportive and encouraging. It probably helps that my gym is attached to a physical therapy clinic, and there is a very wide range of ages and abilities represented all day, every day.

  • gb2115
    gb2115 Member Posts: 1,894
    edited January 2020

    TB90---I love her workouts. They are just right and very convenient! I used to do the Firm DVDs but after surgery I just couldn't do the weights anymore. That's when I found her DVDs at the library and haven't looked back!

Categories