Emotional Roller Coaster

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ChaClarey
ChaClarey Member Posts: 78
edited August 2019 in Just Diagnosed

I was given official breast cancer diagnosis on August 16th, but pretty sure on August 6th at my biopsy when they booked with a oncology surgeon for August 19th. I have a lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy scheduled for September 18th. I have been on such an emotional roller coaster for the last few weeks. One minute I’m fine the next in tears. My spouse of 26 years say he can count on one hand the number of times he has seen me cry and now I’m crying every day. I am trying to gather positives in my diagnosis knowing that it is treatable, but the more I read about side effects from treatments the anxiety creeps in and I find myself down again. Any advice appreciated.

Patricia

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  • mom2bunky
    mom2bunky Member Posts: 189
    edited August 2019

    I know how you feel, and it's perfectly normal. You SHOULD take comfort from your diagnosis and you'll know much much more after the tumor is out and they can study it properly. It could be even better news, it was for me.

    As to the side effects, I was worried, too and also seriously pissed off. I still have moments like that, but I have to say that so far the side effects are no big deal. I'm lucky so far and hope it continues. Remember that not everyone has the side effects. I tried to control what I could control and worry about what I could do something about. I was prepared to chuck the meds if the side effects are bad enough and I still am.

    Anyway, hugs dear. We're all with you on this.

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  • ChaClarey
    ChaClarey Member Posts: 78
    edited August 2019

    Thank you for the support and encouragement. I think I’m finding the loss of control the hardest thing. It feels like my life is not my own anymore.

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  • FindingOptimism
    FindingOptimism Member Posts: 67
    edited August 2019

    I am sorry for your diagnosis. The diagnosis definitely drives a loss of control and you do need to prepare yourself to trust your providers and accept that they will be a regular fixture in your life for at least the next year. I agree that the side effects shown in the articles do not emerge the same for everyone. You really cannot know what will happen until you take your personal journey. For me surgery and radiation were relatively easy and the period since that has been my challenging time. In trying to get through it I focus on what I can control (type of surgery, type of hormonal therapy, self care regimens) and allow myself to trust my experts (with a lot of personal research to confirm their recommendations). One of the biggest adjustments for me has been the addition of so many doctors visits, which means I don't control my own calendar, but that definitely slows down after the first year.

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  • Askmissa
    Askmissa Member Posts: 76
    edited September 2019

    Yes, and it stays a roller coaster. Today is my first appointment with my plastic surgeon and oncology surgeon post-double mastectomy and breast reconstruction. I will find out if my lymph nodes are clear or not, and whether I need chemo.

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  • Snaffle53
    Snaffle53 Member Posts: 140
    edited August 2019

    The lack of control is huge. You are basically told where and when to be somewhere and what they are going to do to you. It’s all a bit disconcerting.

    I’ve handed my life over to strangers. It’s perfectly normal to be scared shitless at times. It would be abnormal not to be scared and anxious.

    Sending love and hugs

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  • ChaClarey
    ChaClarey Member Posts: 78
    edited August 2019

    Thank you all for the confirmation that what I’m feeling is a totally normal and shared response. Letting go is not easy for a control freak :) ,but I will take solace in knowing that others feel the same. I am surprised at the level of anger and rageI am also feeling. It right under the surface clamouring to get out and I’m afraid I will turn it on the people I love most. Any thoughts or coping ideas.


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  • AliceBastable
    AliceBastable Member Posts: 3,461
    edited August 2019

    Deliberately plan as many fun things to do as you can between appointments - go out with family or friends to restaurants, or have a pot-luck dinner, or a picnic. Go to a concert. Go see a silly, funny movie. Take a weekend trip or two. It really, really helps.

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  • Snaffle53
    Snaffle53 Member Posts: 140
    edited August 2019

    I’ve heard of someone actually hanging a heavy punching bag in their basement. I would love to do the same. But I have two total reverse shoulder replacements. I don’t think they would take kindly to me punching anything.

    Thankfully, I’m amazingly not angry. I think that would change if my cancer did not respond well to chemo. My prognosis would tank in that case. But, I am assuming I’m going to beat this. I sure had better beat this

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  • keepthefaith
    keepthefaith Member Posts: 2,156
    edited August 2019

    Some good advice here!

    It is surely a roller coaster of emotions, but for me, once I started my treatment plan, I felt more of a sense of "control" and empowerment. That time waiting for surgery is hard, but you will get through it. Just take one day at a time. One hour at a time, if you need to. Not knowing what is ahead is scary....but, in reality, none of us know what tomorrow will bring. Stay busy doing things you enjoy, with people you love, while you wait. I took many walks and journaled a lot! I think it helped me validate my feelings and get to the next step in coming to terms with it. Sometimes local support groups are helpful. Treatment SE's vary from person to person, but, they are usually pretty minor and manageable. You can do this!

    Best wishes to all~

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  • mom2bunky
    mom2bunky Member Posts: 189
    edited August 2019

    The idea to do fun things while you're dealing/waiting is excellent. I did this and it made all the difference. I even threw an "OMG I've never had surgery and I'm scared to death, let's have a party!" party. It was fun! Helped me appreciate my friends and family and their support.

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  • windingshores
    windingshores Member Posts: 704
    edited August 2019

    It gets better. Before surgery, I had some Ativan on hand from my doctor for sleep, but only used it once. It just helped to have it. Netflix and long walks were my friends.

    Most people don't have terrible side effects from aromatase inhibitors, if that is what you are worried about. The people with no problems are less likely to post. For me, after almost 5 years, exercising more than 20 minutes is helpful. The first 20 minutes can hurt. I do a lot of Tai Chi.

    Things will calm down. You are in the hardest part right now and your feelings are completely normal.

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  • ChaClarey
    ChaClarey Member Posts: 78
    edited August 2019

    Thank you all for your supportive posts and I must say reading the posts of perfect strangers has brought me more comfort than I had imagined. I didn’t want to burden my family with my emotional feelings,as they are already worried and I did not want to bring them to my work either, but actually typing them out gave me unexpected relief. Hearing from people who understood viscerally what I was experiencing made me not feel so anxious and that I was not on the roller coaster alone.

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