"How Can I Help?" ... What do you say?

I was the odd person who had a list when people offered to help. Literally, a list! I'm a total advocate of allowing others to "bless" me during this crap-time, just like I would like to be given the opportunity to bless others during their crap time. No shame, here.

My list: Anything from the Costco ready-made department. I knew people weren't supposed to make me casseroles so I had to trust that Costco fettuccine was "safe" (I never got sick). It helped that, since my taste buds were wonky, that people gave me stuff that I wouldn't have normally bought. I didn't know what it was supposed to taste like, so it tasted fine to me. Also any frozen dinners. Or Hello Fresh. Any quick dinners.

Smoothie ingredients. I had one a day and it was easy to tell people "frozen fruit and instant breakfast".

Movie tickets. Would go once after chemo. Didn't care if I stayed for the whole movie, or it sucked. I was out of the house and in comfy chairs (with my contraband snacks for nausea). Same for tickets to soccer matches (huge Seattle Sounders fan). Yes, I was very careful being around germs, but I also work with grade school kids so I was surrounded by germs anyway - plus I was at the germ-ridden hospital weekly!

If I had smaller kids (mine was in college) I would have told people, get them from school. Let them ride the bus to your house and bring then bring them to me after you've fed them dinner.

Gas cards. We put over 6,000 miles on our car during our year with cancer. The Costco Cash card worked great for gas.

Seriously, I was the one person I know who had no shame in asking for stuff, right or wrong.

During chemotherapy it would have been nice to have someone do my shopping for me. I used Instacart a few times but it was expensive. Also, laundry.

Gift cards for food and beverages are always appreciated.

When two neighbors asked how they could help, I asked if they would consider providing dinner on chemo days, and the first day after chemo. They coordinated and have been delivering dinner ever since - it's mostly for my husband, who isn't a great cook, and is my primary caregiver - it makes his life a lot easier on those stressful days.

My work colleagues wanted to organize meal services, but i asked instead if they would provide a gift certificate for my massage therapist so I could get massages (which I find super helpful - comforting and restorative). My colleagues sent along a generous gift card, which I have put to good use!

Does anyone have thoughts on Meal Train verse caringbridge?

I am recently diagnosed with triple positive breast cancer. About to start chemo Aug. 22

I am lucky to be part of a great community and I know I will need some help. I just don't know if need to share my blog (caringbridge) with everyone who may be willing to help.

I also don't know how I will know WHEN I need meals. But for the beginning I was going to ask for the night of chemo and a week after. Thoughts on this?

Meal Train is probably just for meals, as opposed to occasional rides. I think when I need stuff at the store I have enough people who I can ask, or will just ask me. I don't need that through a formal site.

Thank you so much for your response. Quite helpful. For the first time I am going to ask for the evening if chemo x 1 week

Then as you said, will see what we want and need. My picky kids may not even eat what people bring!

My nice neighbors, including some I knew from a community Facebook page for years, but hadn't met in person, did a meal train for me every other day for 10 days after my first lumpectomy. It was very helpful.

A GoFundMe page helped pay for things like AmazonFresh grocery delivery that was a lifesaver during my five months of chemo and weeks of radiation. (Their produce was hit-and-miss fabulously delicious strawberries one week and lamp, sad green onions the next. Having everything come to your front door was amazing and I often relied on frozen food because of the convenience and those meals are pretty predictable compared to, say, selecting your own fresh fruits and veggies.)