The Beast & Me: Round Two

Annie62 · February 2007

Hi No Surrender,
You don't know me, but I wanted to let you know that I'm pulling for you. I always read your posts and find them very helpful. Sorry you are going through a tough time. I had a second round of surgery last year and I think my patience for all the crappy feelings was much lower. It's like, hey I've done this already, why do I have to do this again. No fair! No fair!

Anyway, thinking of you, and wishing you well....

Annie

christineK · February 2007

Here's a hug, just to let you know you are in my thoughts.
With all you are going thru, I hope you are feeling well and remain feeling strong.

RebeccaH · February 2007

Gina,
I haven't been to the website too often lately. You still just amaze me! You have an awesome support group here.

Yeah! on your pre-op tests. Sounds encouraging!

FYI, I attended a fund raiser for bc.org in Park City, UT. Rest assured, Marisa Weiss is fully committed to this website and to breast cancer. She understands how important this website is to other bc survivors. Each one of us is a teacher when it comes to bc. You continue to teach us how to fight. You are a mentor to so many of us on the website.

I think I noticed a bit of Towanda coming out in you!
You go girl!

suave · February 2007

G,
I am praying for you. wishing you a great outcome.

Anonymous · February 2007

Gina, you haven't checked in for a couple of days and you're starting to worry me. I figure you have the official results back by now. Let us all know something. I think of you often and miss you being around.

pals
cheri

myrnaincabc · February 2007

Hey Gina how are you doing? I guess we are all waiting to here official results/even though we already know the techs were right. Hope your migraine is getting you to bad. You take care of YOU and let us know how your doing OK
many hugs
myrna

myrnaincabc · February 2007

migraine is NOT getting you to bad ( sorry on my first cup of coffee)

nosurrender · February 2007

My onc just called me - on a Saturday (!) to tell me the techs were right and the scans are all clear. He still wants to check the thyroid but that can wait.

I am relieved to know that the lung stuff is probably from the rads from the first time around. He said we still have to watch it... but I decided I am not going to think about that now.

Now that the scan hurdle is cleared I have more time to worry about the surgery! He said I will probably need chemo because of the size of the tumors and I really hope they are not spreading with the long wait I have had from dx to surgery. One of the path reports said "possible lymphovascular invasion" on one of the tumors and that scares me.

My LE is also on my mind. For some reason the bad arm has been acting up and the docs have assured me that the mast/recon on that side "shouldn't" make it worse... but shouldn't??? I remember my LE therapist mentioning to me that any foreign object or fiddling around with nodes can impede the flow of lymphatic fluid.

Rebecca that is a great story! You are so lucky you got to meet Dr. Weiss!

Thank you all so much for helping me get through this!

Love,
g

Erica3681 · February 2007

What great news!! Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

fancy2 · February 2007

Great news!!!!

And, a mast is not supposed to fiddle with nodes. Talk to your ps. Hurray! Doing the happy dance for you!

Anonymous · February 2007

NS, great news! If anyone can do this YOU CAN!
Shirley

Anonymous · February 2007

Fancy, I don't remember anyone telling me not to eat sugar or not exercise before my PET scan. However, I do remember after the contrast was injected they sat me in a lounge-type chair in a dark room.
Shirley

nosurrender · February 2007

I had to not eat sugar or any carbs 24 hours before the PET. And then I had to sit in a room for an hour and a half and not move. So I took a nap!

I am glad to hear that the mast on the other BC side won't have its nodes affected- what is left of them! I had 34 removed and the only ones I have are in the chest area.

I must look pretty awful girls. I am TRYING to put on makeup and look presentable! But people have been commenting- you know the usual "You look tired" which means you look like crap...

But this afternoon I went to the butcher and when I walked in he said "Uh oh! Another one with the flu! You look awful!!"

I didn't say anything... just said "yeah got a bad case of it" but I was dying to say- "I don't have the flu- I have cancer" but I am not ready to make scenes yet at my local butcher!

I have been drinking a lot of water and trying to get sleep and walking every day- But I guess the stress is showing.

myrnaincabc · February 2007

Hey lady! I dont know much about the node stuff/ was lucky only one taken. You are going to do well, and your going to get through this. Heck you have just had several weeks of worry and hell, no kidding you might look a little tired. Do you drink tea, I do a lot of green tea, some burdock, and melotinin at night, it helps settle me down sometimes. I dont know what else to say, I know this sucks, but scans being clear is such wonderful news. Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts and wishes
Myrna

gerbie · February 2007

Gina,

You don't know me either, but I read your comments and have often thought about what you say and how I agree with you. You are a strong contributor here and I wanted to let you know that I am glad about your scans and that I am sending positive vibes your way.

You're a winner, not a whiner!

Love,
Gerbie

nosurrender · February 2007

Welllll I am a little bit of a whiner tonight!
I have been so focused on the scans and now that they are out of the way the next hurdle is the surgery and I can honestly say I am getting pretty freaked out. Just plain nervous about it. In fact, i am even considering asking the docs about a lumpectomy instead. I know what the answer will be but I do so badly with anesthesia and it is the actual surgery time and recovery room and pain issues that are getting to me. THEN I go one step further and think about just what exactly I am having done and i want to skip town!

I am sure this will pass and I will feel better after I see them- but I just wish I was better under anesthesia than I am- it is really scaring me!

Thanks for listening!
Love,
g

Anonymous · February 2007

Damn, Gina, you are not a whiner! Stop thinking that.

My mast was the first surgery I EVER had. I had three kids and that's it. I was frightened of anesthesia. I did fine. However, if I have to do it again I'm sure I'll still be concerned.

The anesthesiologist will look after you. Since they know your problem you BET they'll take good care of you!

I can say not to worry, but I'm not gonna because I would worry too (now that really helped!). LOL

You WILL come through this with flying colors.
Shirley

AlaskaDeb · February 2007

G~

Well Hon, of COURSE you are scared. I had to eat valium for three days before my bilat mast to keep from bolting and hiding. This is scary shit. BUT you can do it. Can you take anything like Valium or Xanax for the next few days? If ever there was a time for better living through chemistry, this is it. You dont get bonus points for toughing it out. Get some help if you need it.

Im sure the added stress of having trouble with the drugs make it even harder. How do you react badly? Im sure you told me at one time, but, my mind is not what it use to be! My dad is a pharmacist and if you PM me your exact problems I can ask him for his recommendations for what to ask the anesthesiologist for.

Are you planning a chat with the anesthesiologist before surgery day? They have so many ways to do the same job Im sure they will be able to help you.

I know I have told you this before, but you can never hear it too many times.I had almost NO PAIN from my bilat mast!!! It was totally manageable with Tylenol from 12 hours or so after surgery on. Are you getting the OnQ pain ball? My friend LOVED hers and said she had zero painnot even a twinge for 3 days, and she had expanders put in. After the OnQ was empty, she switched to Tylenol with a valium added at night and did great. I went to see her in the hospital about 24 hours after surgery and she was sitting in bed and holding her 2-year-old grandson. She looked awesome.

Gina, waiting just flat sucks. There is no easy way through the next few days. You cope how ever you can. Post about what you are feeling and let us try and help.do what ever feels right to you.

Hang in there hon

Deb C

iodine · February 2007

I'm really with Deb on this, better living thru chemistry. You get NO points toughing it out and it makes the anestheisa folks work harder to put you under if you are all hyper.
Find some way to get chilled, alcohol works,too.

althea · February 2007

You are anything but a whiner. Surgery is scary. I didn't do well with anasthesia either. I had an ileus, which is basically a collapse in the intestines. Food wasn't moving through and it wasn't staying down either after I left the hospital. They tinkered with my meds for a few days until an xray finally revealed the problem. I had never heard of an ileus.

In the meantime I was so upset that I was in new orleans and couldn't eat a muffeleta. I don't want to give you one more thing to worry about, but even with all the homework I did, I was unaware of how serious constipation can be after surgery. Sure, I heard plenty of people say, don't get constipated, those pain meds can really do that to you. But no one ever said how sick I would feel if it happened. So, may you poop freely soon after your surgery! LOL And please let my experience save you some discomfort if it does happen. A prescription for reglan got my instestines moving again, and that's all that was necessary for the ileus to resolve.

fancy2 · February 2007

Quote:

I have been so focused on the scans and now that they are out of the way the next hurdle is the surgery and I can honestly say I am getting pretty freaked out. ...I do so badly with anesthesia and it is the actual surgery time and recovery room and pain issues that are getting to me.

Been there, done that. I got my surgery all set up and had almost two weeks to sweat it out. You can't imagine how close I came to backing out. But I would have been sooooo embarassed after all the fuss I kicked up.....

NS, dear, if you have such a hard time with surgery, talk to your anestheti...ologist (however the heck you spell it!) and s/he can help. That's the job of these guys--they make sure you get through surgery well. They're experts. Tell them all your problems and let them fix it all up for you. Trust me, it works. Even, talk to whoever it is a couple of days before surgery so he can prepare for you. You'll do MUCH better if you warn them first.

Maria_C_ · February 2007

NS;

GREAT NEWS ABOUT YOUR TESTS!!! ...

Like others said,
this is not a good road to go, plainly scary,
but it ainn't an horror movie neither.
Sometimes can be good
to have time between Dx. and surgery,
sometimes it may not be a good thing;
we start thinking too much about it
and most of the times that's not good.
Between suspicions on a Thursday,
SNB and Dx. next day Friday
I was scheduled for surgery for the next Monday
so had one weekend, to deal with inevitable decisions
and with things I never had hear in life.
Being a bit stubborn and thinking in the beginning
one could go through this
standing still like a rock without bending,
or even that one can decide how to go through this,
you know that thing of
"Ok. I have to do this and will do this crap until the end...

"
I remember my Doc., a woman of very short words,
in fact one of those "genius"
that has as much of genius
just as much she has on lack of "human touch"
aka= and simply she can be 100% brute;
that by then in the beginning she
told me a thing that I will never forget.
"This is no place for heroes!
I don't want heroes in my department!
Just this Dx. is enough of being a hero from you guys!!"
Took me a long while to understand her,

but I got there,
and obviously when I would complain
she wouldn't pay much attention
and would stuck to what to her is important during this,
but that's another story.
So, if you need to be a whiner or whatever, be it,
if you need to crash, let it happen,
whatever may help you go through this, go for it;
at this moment can be a waste behind our limits
and a huge effort to suck it all up and hang like a rock.
You went through a lot so far
and you still have a lot to go through,
so better let it out and unload along the way.

Around meds and so on after surgery,
I never had the need for painkillers after surgery,
neither antibiotics, didn't took a thing after, in fact ...
though it's just a drag, but I guess
I didn't even had time to get shocked by then,
but physically I was surprisingly very comfortable
considering the situation,
but we all are different and react different.
Hope you are feeling a bit better this days.

Hugs.

ravdeb · February 2007

g... I think the whining helps. It's not whining really..it's venting and I think it's a good thing.

So say how you feel. You are going through something enormous. We are not talking about losing fingernails cuz they grow back.

You have a right to be darn scared and wondering what it will be like during surgery and afterwards. That is normal.

I'm not into taking pills but if your doctor thinks you need something to relax you to get you through it..well...talk to your doc about it.

We are all virtually holding your hand...

scarednancy · February 2007

I am really sorry that you have to fight all over again. It sounds like you are tough and determined. You are an inspiration to many of us and we are all cheering for you. Good luck and please know that we are here for you.
Nancy

nosurrender · February 2007

You are all so lovely and help me so much!

One week from tonight I will be in the recovery room.

I have been a little sick with a head/throat thing- I have pre-surgical testing tomorrow- I hope this doesn't delay anything!!!

I think part of my anxiety has come from having to change breast surgeons. My original BS was my hero- I feel he saved my life the first time around and he did five surgeries on me and he KNOWS me- he knows every little thing- from not being able to take pain killers to the problems with the anesthesia, to the blood clots, etc...

But since he cannot do the surgery this time because he stopped taking my insurance, i have two brand new doctors who I am not "used to". I really LOVE both of them from the one time I met them... my BS recommended my new BS and told him about me, and the PS is a dream who I hear only great things about... but they are not in my comfort zone like my original doctor.

Well, the original BS called me to ask how I was and when the surgery was planned and he reassured me that I was in good hands. That made me feel much better. Then my GYN called to see how I was and he said he will be operating next Tues and will check on me. So I feel a bit better.

When I am in pre-surgical testing tomorrow I am going to make a stink about speaking to someone in anesthesiology. THAT will really help. I just hope I can speak- my throat is so bad I can barely talk right now! Hard to make a stink when you can't talk!

I have just about everything done that needs to be done. I made a belt for my drains so even THAT is ready!

I have to tell you about my weirdo parents. Both live out of state (in different states)First, my mother called me to wish me luck and recommended I take up drinking to calm my nerves! (seriously!) and then my Dad just called because he was reading a travel magazine and there is an ad for a close in the front bra that sounds like what I have been looking for and could he have my size so HE can order me a couple and have them sent to my house in time for surgery!! (and you all wonder where my craziness comes from??) I think it is funny to have my dad getting me a bra and my mom telling me to drink!

And then I have you, my sisters, your posts are really what is saving me. You have made me feel so much better and more calm-

THANK YOU.

Love,
g

MargaretB · February 2007

G, is any of your family going to be with you during the surgery and there when you wake up? Is there someone I can call for updates during surgery so I can let everyone know that you are resting in your hospital bed? You know everyone here is going to be waiting for word. That's sweet that your dad is looking for the bras for you.

Margaret

nosurrender · February 2007

Margaret, I am sure I will be able to figure something out!

OK- I AM OFFICIALLY A FREAK OF NATURE!

I just got my receptor results.

My first cancer from five years ago was 100% ER/PR Negative.
THIS NEW ONE??/100% ER/PR POSITIVE!

It means I BEAT the er/pr neg cancer. But now have a new one with a new menu of choices to select from. I am happy because I can now have the oncotype dx on this and see what my future holds- you can't do that with er/pr neg cancers.

I still have to eat my flax seeds though-

It is too weird to be upset about. In fact I find it kind of funny!

Only me. I ALWAYS get the strange ones.

Beesie · February 2007

My oncologist explained that me that if I get BC again, while I was ER+/PR- last time, next time it could be something completely different. That's part of the reason why he recommended against Tamoxifen for me. I was borderline already, in terms of the risks vs. benefits, but his point was that while Tamoxifen would help reduce my risk of ER+ BC, it wouldn't have any affect on whether or not I'll ever get an ER- BC. I wasn't sure that I bought the argument, but it looks like you're an example of what he was talking about.

Well, the good news is that you did beat the ER-/PR- BC, and now you're going to beat this one!

Maria_C_ · February 2007

I find you parents concerns very legitimate.
yes ... after all and
after all your plannings and going around's
I bet you didn't leave
many earthlings concerns for them to worry about.

My vote goes for the drink,
I'm on your Mom's team and
if you can not drink,
do not worry, we will cover that for you too.

As to the bras ... I wouldn't worry much about it,
if you have some bras already
to get along with the first week / weeks, you'll do fine
later then you may not even do well with some models
that even are considered the best.

Only me. I ALWAYS get the strange ones.
Have you been playing Lottery?
You should, geezz ...

It is too weird to be upset about.
In fact I find it kind of funny!
To you may be even more complicated...
after all,
all this years you dealt with one thought,
now you'll have to change it
and deal with the same situation
but "viewed" by another point with different data.
Funny that I found this thing and
got to this conclusion some weeks back,
2.5 years prepared for one thing,
now to change it all is a drag, we can turn
very good on implanting some stuff on our mind,
most of the time so one way or the other
we can do ok with it, then
to change it back or in another way
if there's the need, sheeee...
I think that some changes
only with a sillycone brain implant.

Since we are just a few days before you get in,
and before you get out of touch

here's a thing for you to consider...
this is not for to worry you,
neither it's a thing for to get you worried,
is just a thought;
before you may consider
to run over yourself after surgery
and check what they done, think first
and just do not push yourself over it,
you may want or need to give yourself
a bit of time and go slowly on it.
Just a thought for you to consider,
you better then anyone will know;
no way one gets ever "prepared" for this,
so may be better to consider others things before.
This is not by no means for you to worry,
just for you to consider your needs,
those "needs" we put aside too often
when in stress or in a hurry for something,
you know how we women can be ...
and when we simply are convinced
that we can deal with anything,
and that it just takes to breath in, breath out and DANG.
Hope you understand, I guess you will.

And you can do it!

Hugs.

nosurrender · March 2007

Thanks Beesie and Maria!

Well, I met with both the breast surgeon and the plastic surgeon- things have changed a little-
First, there is NO WAY I can have a lumpectomy. They both were adamant about that.

Second- I CAN'T have immediate implants like I had hoped. I had just too much radiation on the left side the first time around for that to work. So expanders it is.

Both are kind of shocked that they weren't writing out rx's for pain killers, apparently they never saw anyone not only not beg for them but who someone who says NO WAY!

Everything is scheduled for Tues. I feel better after talking to them both.

I had the pre-surgical testing at the hospital and that all went well. There were two nurses there who were telling me that they have never felt what a cancerous tumor actually FEELS like in the breast. Since all three of mine feel different I let them feel mine! I figured maybe I will save them some day so they know what NOT to ignore. One is very hard, one is spongy and the other one is bumpy.

Then I did something totally crazy. All my doctors have told me it looks like chemo again for me. But for some reason I felt it was important to look my best. So I paid a FORTUNE and had my hair highlighted! FULL HEAD which is really expensive. But why not??? It was the first non medical thing done to me in ages!

The receptionist wanted to make another appointment and I told her that I couldn't do that at this time. She was really snippy about it- but seeing as I may not have any hair in MAY it was kind of moot!

I also bought my cat a GIGANTIC litter box in case my neighbor forgets to come and take care of him. He will have enough food for a year- I just hope he doesn't eat it all the first day!

The Beast & Me: Round Two

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The Beast &amp; Me: Round Two

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The Beast & Me: Round Two