TCHP diary

Be forewarned, this is going to be one big complaint about the bad side of chemo. Yes, I am am grateful for treatment, but it can be unpleasant. Days 3-7, specifically 4-5, were the worst for me. I could barely leave my bedroom to make a sandwich because I would get dizzy and shaky. I ended up going to the bathroom every 15 minutes one night, maybe 10-15 times total in one night, and it was embarrassing because I didn't want other people to hear me.

On day 5, I got too ambitious and tried to take a long walk for exercise. I couldn't make it back home! I had to sit down and couldn't get back up and I ended up crying on the curb for 20 minutes.

By day 8, I was essentially able to function normally, but I had a debilitating migraine that my MO had me take compazine for, had to sit down and rest every 15-30 seconds of activity. I still need a little imodium every day to keep the diarrhea at bay. It is now day 10, and I am taking long brisk walks and feel up for a jog later. I did plank poses every day throughout the bad days. It was the only exercise I could do.

Cycle 1, day 14: diarrhea, hair falling out. Did a 45 second plank this morning.

Later in the evening: I went for a jog, partially because my strands of hair were falling out all over the house, so I decided to run my fingers through my hair while jogging and let them fall on the ground outside instead. I stopped running my fingers through my hair when a big chunk came out. After my mini-workout, I showered and, needless to say, a lot of hair came out. Well, at least I got my wig ahead of time.

Cycle 1, day 20: Round 2, day 1 tomorrow. The thought of days 3-7 scare me and make me understand why some people quit chemo if they stand to gain little from it. I packed yummy snacks and drinks to enjoy as if it were a picnic on the beach in order to make the infusion more pleasant.

July 4, 2019  🇺🇸

Cycle 2, day 2

The bottoms of my toes feel a little numb and tingly. I spend a lot of time picking fallen hair up off the ground with scotch tape. Otherwise, I still feel great. We will see about tomorrow.

2pm: I took an Imodium because I felt some rumbling diarrhea cramps. I just sat on the toilet and a solid stool came out. I had eaten lunch around noon.

5pm: I finally shaved my head.

Round 2, day 4

July 6, 2019

I feel better compared to yesterday, day 3. 

Round 2, day 6

July 8, 2019

I had some diarrhea this morning and followed up with a pedialyte popsicle. Those things are brilliant: a giant ice chip for chemo mouth pain and electrolytes for the diarrhea wrapped into one. My mouth and tongue sting and it is painful to eat many delicious foods that have the slightest amount of spice in them. I am choosing not to drive or go out unattended for now due to feelings of dizziness and faintness when I walk around.    

Later: I had diarrhea again and am going to give in and take an imodium, then drink some gatorade. I am trying to teeter the line between constipation and diarrhea. When I take an imodium, it seems like my bowel movements disappear for a few days, and I dread the big plug-up.

@BetsyB22

I wish a speedy recovery to you and a great pair of breasts.

Round 2, days 8-10

July 12, 2019

The last 2 days were really bad. I was in constant, acute pain in the most sensitive tissues of my head: my nostrils, my tongue, my eye (I got really bad pink eye, and I know it was from the immunosuppression from the chemotherapy), and I even felt like my brain was hurting. Also, my eyes would feel very strained every time I tried to entertain myself on my tablet or laptop, so I had nothing to do other than lie in bed in the dark and stay perfectly still and try not to exacerbate the pain. I would try to go to sleep to escape the pain, but couldn't fall asleep, so I would lie there in the middle of the night. Then, I would wake early, in the early dawn hours, feeling even worse because my nose accumulates more crusty, rock-hard blood while I am asleep.

I almost forgot to mention: it was hard and very painful to open my mouth to eat and brush my teeth because the corners of my mouth were constantly in pain and crusted with rock-hard canker sore pus and blood. I have to admit, I really like to eat, so I ended up eating through the pain until it got really bad one day and then even I had to stop eating things that required me to open my mouth more than a little bit.

Well, last night I got myself together enough to get some OTC goodies from the drugstore: saline nose gel spray to soften the rocks in my nose, I found some antibiotic ointment in my house with pain reliever in it to put in my nostrils, and some benzocaine to numb the corners of my mouth.

Those moments in the middle of the night and upon waking, when I was in a lot of pain in all the sensitive tissues in my head, I imagined, just for a split second quitting chemo and going ahead and dying of cancer. Then, I realized actively dying of cancer would be even more painful. Hear me this: I would definitely stop chemo and enjoy my days if my prognosis was worse.

Round 2, day 12

July 14, 2019

Well, I am having some problems due to my slow wound-healing and susceptibility to infection. I quarantined myself because of my bad pink eye, which is now in both eyes. I am taking antibiotic eye drops for it. I also had a bug bite which turned into a mini-abscess, like a pimple on my finger, then it got infected and the bite turned purple! Luckily, I already had an appointment with a nurse practitioner for something else, so she prescribed me oral antibiotics for it. My infected finger started getting a little better on its own before I started taking the oral antibiotics, for which I am glad. I am not a fan of taking antibiotics unless I really have to.