My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Mae,

I think you are right. I have been so busy over the past few months...sold our house, moved to FL, and have been exploring a whole new place. I can honestly say I haven’t had much time to think about my cancer. It’s still there, but in the background instead of front and center. I have also found that doing something to help someone keeps my focus off of me. It’s been hectic at times, but I am in such a better place mentally.

Mel, I think you need to come to FL for a visit! The warm weather and sunshine every day are good for the soul

Big hugs,

Laurie

This is such a mystical beautiful place! I'd love my ashes let go at the top and run away free. So magical. I feel like I'm peeking out of the high stone areas with a most sense of peace.

i thought so too. What an amazing hike that would be. I’m thinking a peaceful sound of water. Interesting thought on the chest. I do see it! Very cool that everyone else sees different things ! To me it seemed like teke faces. All different faces and shapes. Very cool !

I wish I did know!! I would love to visit it, magnificent picture and I felt immediate peace and tranquility! Who doesn't need that? Loving the creek. Running. Have always loved the sound of that. Could fall asleep in an instant. Ever since my father passed, I haven't been sleeping. At all well. I have quiet dark time. But no sleep. I've read that can happen. So I'm searching for peaceful things ! Imagine looking at that? Oh yeah! Little cottage at the end with my porch ive always wanted with my sweet DH!

🥺 I have to admit, every ache and pain I worry. Everyone says “oh you have been so physical with taking care of your dad". “That's what the aches and pains are" it very well could be, but it also very well may not be. Bloodwork on Friday. One foot in front of the other. I'm going to his memorial life celebration on Sunday. I hope I don't fall over. I am supposed to speak. I agree with you about a venture with my DH. Long over due! Thank you Rosie! For being here.

Much love ~M~

but my teeth are a good feature I ve managed to keep! I’d rather not have them all over the floor like chicklets. I’m so nervous. Any tips from anyone who’s been through it before.

Thanks runor. If I take a header. It’s with you in mind right before I meet the ground! Ugh! Lol much love!

Donna ~ you ok ? It’s almost time for role call. Lol

runor, I was nodding at you kicking off your heels. I think I'd have done the same, as if somehow feeling my bare feet keeps me feeling connected to the floor which will keep me from falling over.

micmel, gentle hug. I think of you so often this week. My father and I were not close but even after 25 years I still think of the good times when my siblings and I were children and he was a more happy person.

My son called me Sunday and asked if he could watch GoT finale at my house with my husband and me. I am still so touched by that. These are the important memories that he wants to create I guess but I can't help feeling a little down about it. I wish we'd had a more exciting finale to keep my mind occupied but I kept thinking how odd he didn't want to stay home with his wife and it makes me think about how people are thinking of life without me and things they want to remember about me, like watching GoT final episode with me. I'm three months into diagnosis, finishing up my first Ibrance cycle, and this week i'm feeling a little depressed and really pissed off.

Philly~It definitely messes with your mind. I sometimes feel so strong and others. Toast... kinda reminiscent of being diagnosed. Another awful, terrible, heartbreaking loss. That we can't change or that we have to just accept that Susie down the lane has money falling out of her ass as she saunters to the gym that I used to go to. I get damned angry for sure. Susie is clueless that the grim reaper can reach out and introduce cancer at any turn. Thank you for caring about my father My stomach is a mess!! I feel very heavy inside Sleep is my best friend as usual!

Moomala~ You're not alone with the anger at all, it will wax and wane and you'll have good days and bad days. It is maddening. I cry still sometimes. Others I feel just entirely sad and broken. Or like I have cried so many times, I am cried out. Soon I'll be crying blanks. One day at a time is what I've done. Hold onto every second you can. I've memorized every loved ones face and voice in my minds eye. For safe keeping, i also tell everyone. That I love, that I love them ! No Time to mince words. I want no regrets! My father is total proof of that. But I will eliminate toxic relationships easily. I need peace and happiness. We all do.

Hugs to all beautiful ladies !

Thank you Micmel. I appreciate hearing about the emotions from people who are a bit more experienced than I am. And yes, on Susie down the lane. That's exactly what's got me angry this week. I'm lucky, I know - I have a nice home. I am still working teaching piano and can even cut my schedule down a bit this summer and next school year. I have two kids and two granddaughters and an amazing support system and tons of love in my life. But cancer's got hold of my emotions right now. Insert choice swear words and weepies here.

My aunt couldn't stand from the grief of losing her husband of 57 years so they put a chair up front and she gave her speech sitting.

Good afternoon,

Micmel your son sure did avoid a major life changing injury. Thank God for that.

I've never done an eulogy but I'm sure you'll be fine. You have a lot of experience and advice on here to read through. I like barefeet and possibly a chair. Speaking from the heart should do it too.

Take care and I'll be in your pocket for your bloodwork.

Tanya

Micmel- I am so sorry about the loss of your father. I did write out a longer message awhile back but I just don’t find it. There were like three days my phone didn’t update the website.

I do believe your father watched over your son.my dad died long before my son was born and then he was born on my dads birthday. One day, he was very young, we were driving on the highway. He said mom what’s up there, do you see it? I said well the clouds in the sky. He said no mom it’s grandpa and he is watching over us, can’t you see him? It was so out of the blue. We didn’t talk much about my dad. I had the chills.

Won’t be long I’m heading to Orlando. I keep forgetting I can’t swim with this pic line. My hair is coming in but not enough yet for me to go hat or wigless.

I don’t much care if I have hair now or not. I do not miss spending the time doing it. I have seemed to find a don’t give a crap attitude lately. I’m here and that’s all i can hope for. I do wish to be not so haggy looking and tired looking.

Best of luck to you this weekend. You can do it Michael. You got this!

Sara

skitz~i also was perplexed on how his foot wasn't snapped in half. Quite scary the size of the cart. I've seen it when I have visited. It gives me pause, I have always questioned my faith. So much ugliness in the world all around. Thank you for caring.... I'll do my best. I'm a little nervous.

Mae~49! And counting. My DH is planning something, but somehow I get all the questions. What to bring etc. what Time. All I know is I'm getting a year older. That's ok. I'll take every day I can get. And thanks for the early birthday wishes. I'm thankful to be here for another year. Much love my dear. 6am is early. Reporting for pocket duty!!!! Hugs.

Micmel,

Hoping your hubby plans something awesome for you. You certainly have a good man. I have read many times how much you cherish him, so let everything else go on Saturday, and enjoy whatever he has planned. Your Dad would not want you to be sad on your birthday.

I’ll be in your pocket (I love this phrase) on Sunday when you speak about him. Think of your fondest memories, and then tell those to your friends and family.

Take care, my dear Micmel.

Your MBC sister,

Laurie

mae you're amazing. Seriously. You truly are a strong woman. You have a beautiful smile. In your pocket snacking away!