My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Micmel

Rosie~Lots of pocket jumping today huh ? Odd how we are all having something done this week. My back is not being friendly. I sure hope it's stress and not progression. I am hoping against hope we all hear what we want to hear. Enough crap has gone on. My heart, head, mind, and physical body cannot take anymore sadness or bad news. Seriously like enough.

Today my DD and I went up to my Dads house to put together our memory boards for him and the memorial celebration of life for him. They came out gorgeous. But it was so hard to sit there and see all of the history and all the wonderful years I did have him. I am deeply regretful for missing a day no less 15 years of missing that beautiful man.

Why do things like that even have to happen? How can families allow that to even take form.? (Myself certainly included) I was younger and not perfect ... but now I get to live with the fact I cannot ever get those years back again. No matter how hard I cry or beg. Those pictures will forever be proof that my father was a special man, when things were good, things were so good.

I feel sick in every cell of my body. Grief is terrible. Absolutely raw terrible heavy emotional torture. Mixed with MBC? Uh no. I can't do anymore. I am sunk. Tomorrow XGeva, so tomorrow is shitty for me. Down all day after. Saturday is my birthday. I Will feel like ass all day long.

Sunday is the memorial party. I am going to be the only sibling there out of 5 to represent and to speak. That bothers me. Like wtf is wrong with people.? I don't understand others behaviors sometimes and how people can look at themselves in the mirror knowing their father has died and they aren't going to be there? . Even one of the grandchildren, that was close to him, has chosen to go away to Puerto Rico instead of changing the date. And or coming back a day early or leaving later? Is it that hard? Are you that selfish? He was amazing to you all your lifetime ? Why does this generation have to be soooo selfish. ? So clueless about respecting people especially elders that had a hand in molding you into who you are today.? Disrespectful.

I feel like smacking a few family members. I gotta tell you all. I just need to be honest !!!!! I realize I am not perfect. No way, but when I am needed I am there and my actions speak louder than words. When he wasn't sick and was buying everyone trips to Disney and was doing all that was needed for them , it was fine. Then when he got sick and needed everyone to step up. The real picture became clear. It has nothing to do with my step mother either. I did what i did for my father. Out of pure love and unconditional devotion. I didn't hesitate. I didn't expect anything.... nor want anything. Just to be with him. It was all about him.

Wow, some young ones don't get it. Funny thing is. MY kids do get it. They were there, they showed up and continue to show up. They sometimes hurt me, but at the end of the day, they have the Respect when it needs to be had. And That my friends makes me proud. So proud. My two kids will be the only grandchildren there to represent the grandchildren. It's so fitting. I was the closest child to him always, it's very fitting that my kids would be the ones there . I just wish for once, for him, everyone would shut their mouth and just show up.!!! Families. Ugh!!

LoveFromPhilly

Mae i love this pic!!! You look awesome!!! And love the lipstick 💄 I plan to get dolled up for my scans next week too, thanks for inspiring me!! Hope they headpiece wasn't too uncomfortable.

Love to all!!

illimae

Thanks everyone 🙂 The worst part is actually the injection of numbing meds into my forehead, after that the frame isn’t bad. I’m resting today but plan to be back at the gym on Monday.

Lynnwood1960

Mae, you’re a rock star!!!!

Micmel

I can’t imagine any injection into my forehead, I’d probably try to avoid it. I’m not terrified of needles but the thought of them coming near my eye or any area of that nature. I naturally recoil. I second Lynnwood.

And...

Hello Lynnwood. ~ Hope you’re well friend. I’m stepping into scans the 29th. Bloodwork tomorrow! Egads it never ends! 😷

Micmel

love for all. Off to bloodwork!!!

I am watching the documentary ran last night about Farrah Fawcett and her awful struggle with this insidious disease. I mean seriously. What the hell people “us" go through to stay alive. I sat there glued to the television watching such a vibrant gorgeous woman who was someone EVERYONE knew. It snuffed her out and she was tough. When I say tough I mean tough. Anal cancer is extremely rare but its there. I mean. I could relate to every single word and feeling she must have had. We all can. The terror it instillls. The fear. I recommend watching this if you can. I was moved and she was so gracious and beautiful down to her last day never giving up. The way the disgusting media followed her around. I could not even imagine that. I can't even stand my picture taken! She filmed most of her horrible journey. She was brave and beautiful. It just shows cancer doesn't pick and choose she was full of life and beauty. Her insides, Cancer chewed her up. This disease is beyond horrible. Damn!!! So mad. It takes such good people and bad idiots who commit murder and crimes live till they are a ripe Old 90. So unfair.

I am hopping from pocket to pocket today. If anyone needs a hug. (Like me). I will take it! These tests on top of my dad dying aren't my idea of timing at all.

Moomala

Micmel, be good to yourself! I'm having an angry week too. I was so pissed I cried at my PCP's office yesterday and make him start crying too. Now that's angry at cancer!!! Sending a giant gentle hug from New York!

Tanya_Djamila

Mae I’m glad that’s over for you and you have gym plans. I loved the gym and miss it. Living vicariously through you with that one. Thanks

Moomala glad you let your anger out in a safe place. I’m glad your PCP cried with you.

Waving hello to all.

Praying and hoping forBest results on scans and bloodwork for all.

Tanya

Minnie31

Mae, best wishes. Always think the frame looks worse than it is. We can put up with all sorts of stuff to keep us living the life we want. In your pocket

Micmel

Moomala~It just upsets me when you see true beauty snuffed out by cancer. Family members. Young people! I'm sorry that you were so angry you cried. I have ugly cries frequently! Hope your day got better. The life of a cancer patient is so hard. Ugh!

Tanya~Hello lovely. I hope you're doing well, and hoping your wonderful grandchildren are wrapping up school successfully.! Another school year wrapped up. My DSS, graduates, on June 3rd. Our last Lil chicken. Who is going to Alabama State university. “Role Tide"!!

Minnie~ Hello sweetheart... hope your pain in your hip has given you a break. I hope you're feeling better and planning your next adventure. What's your weather like in your spring there. ?

I had my bloodwork today. Sat there two hours because of a computer updates and changes. Geeze I was starving. Got the results. Of two of the three results. Which is good because I over heard them mentioning a long wait for results, because of the holiday weekend. I squeaked through with two out of 3. My tumor markers were wonderful, I'm happy about them, they usually tell my story. I hope they continue to be the guide. I feel a little better seeing them, it gives mesome idea what to expect with the scan results. My bloodwork was normal and that's all I can ask for. I pray to remain in remission. It would be a wonderful birthday gift and my markers already are a wonderful gift. I'm so exhausted I can't even sleep. Has anyone felt that way? Crazy huh?

Much love !

runor

That is awesome news Micmel. A weight off your shoulders. I hope you DO sleep once you come down off that tension. I am happy to hear this!

Rosie24

Micmel, Happy birthday and great news on the good markers! Assuming scans are good too, it seems that the aches and pains are just aches and pains. Better than the alternative.

I had a call last night from my onc nurse to say good news, the scans showed some improvement. Nothing more specific. I’ll take that for now, and did appreciate the call since I don’t see doc until Tues

Lynnwood1960

Happy birthday Micmel!!! Thanks for all you do for us... I have no idea how you keep up with all of us but you somehow manage to make all of us feel special. Hope you get a chance to relax and enjoy some quiet time with your family.

booboo1

Happy Birthday, Micmel! I hope your day is filled with love, laughter, and all of the best things you like...very best wishes from FL.

Love,

Laurie

illimae

Rosie, great news 🎉

Micmel, 🎊🎈🎂

LoveFromPhilly

happy birthday Micmel!!!!!

🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗❤️❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

Tanya_Djamila

Micmel

thank you sweet sisters. My DH gave me my birthday flowers!! ❤️❤️I love family so very much. My dear Step son is here and everyone will be together, and that is a precious gift. I’m realizing the most beautiful gifts are those you never unwrap. Love is so beautiful! Love never ends!

Moomala

Love never ends! Happy Birthday Micmel!

Artista964

Happy Birthday!

Micmel

Thank you Moomala & Rosie. It was a very special day. I had everyone around me that I loved. It really was a memory making day where you sit back and watch those you love. My DH made me a cake. Strawberry. Yummy. We had a Great cook out and everyone brought something. We had chicken, hot dogs, hamburgers, taco dip, fresh motzarella and basil and sweet drizzled vinaigrette sauce with round bread circles and fresh tomatoes ( yum!). Shrimp cocktail, pasta salad. A big Caesar salad, fruit salad, vegetable tray. We had quite the spread. I had a ball. I'm so thankful for days like these. Tomorrow is coming soon so i need to rest to be able to hack my dads memorial of life party. It was a great day! Finally i relaxed the weather was a beautiful day. I am truly blessed with a fantastic family. I couldn't ask for more. I received soo many beautiful flowers. My sister sent me gorgeous flowers and they were delivered on my birthday! I was so surprised.

Goodnight. Hope everyone continues to have a Good weekend. Much love ~M~

Micmel

Micmel

Wouldn't let me drop two at once for some reason! You can seeMeryl Streep's picture hung in the back round that a Friend of ours painted. I think it's amazing. She is my favorite actress. So I was thrilled !

booboo1

I’m in your pocket today, Mel. Prayers for a calm, peaceful service to honor your Father.

Lauri

Micmel

thank you so much. It means everything tonme

Daniel86

Happy belated Melissa!!

Tanya_Djamila

Happy Birthday.

I hope the service is peaceful.

Take care

Tanay

Grannax2

Hi ladies. I'm back. What a crazy, fun two weeks. I caught up a little but not completely. Michel, your birthday and the memorial for your dad so close together.!?!? Praying for you and your family. Happy Birthday

Mae I need to go back. Are you having brain surgery? I assume you have a frame bolted to your head. OUCH

I went to my first Retreat from Cancer with Say Yes to Hope. I wish all of us could go on a retreat together. It was so meaningful, I got to know more Stage IV friends, including four y90 survivors. Their stories are just incredible, warriors every one. No modeling, gowns or make up this time. Just camping attire. Big surprise, we were all interviewed again. My interview will be on U tube soon.

It was held in SE Oklahoma near Beavers Bend State Park. One of the most beautiful places in the US to me. I've always loved that area because I spent every summer in Idabel with my grandmother. But, this was not a nostalgia weekend. We stayed in what I call a mansion cabin, owned by one of my new friends. Gorgeous does not begin to describe the beauty, nestled in the Oachita Moutains, of the cabin and the nature surrounding it. It was about listening. I have twelve new stores I need to write down.

Epiphany from meeting and listening to all my new friends: They were all amazingly tough women and one man, BEFORE they became stage IV warriors.

So are we.💞

Micmel

welcome Back Grannax!! Our super star. Making us proud again ! Ty for the best wishes. I’ll need them. I feel like I’m walking into the lions den.

Thanks Daniel. Please give my love to Leslie and Gabriel!! 😃🌹💐 for Leslie!

Tanya~ sweet woman. Thank you so much. I hope I don’t cry. Ever feel like your tear me have dried up? I know I have. It’s like a heavy feeling carried around with me. Daily. Never to part. Like another MBC. Grief sucks.

Booboo~I’m so glad you’re back my beautiful friend. I adore you! I’ll try to be strong. I’m a little in shock still I believe.

Love to all!! Anyone seen Donnabella? Parry honey. Love you too! Nan💙 Mae! Blueshine! Bella! Rosie! Philly!!!! Runor! JFL, JKL......sandibeaches

MuddlingThrough

Micmel, Happy birthday! Sorry I'm late.

Also, thinking of you and your family for today's memorial service.

Hi to everyone.

Scans for me on Wed. Trying not to worry. Blood work and Xgeva the week after scans. My Xgeva is now once every three months and scans are every four months, for now.