Any ways to predict who responds to treatment and who doesn't ?

Elise, You nailed it, we have to live our lives like trapeze artists working without a safety net. Because you are so young, your body is stronger and your immune system healthier than older patients . Not only can we not predict the cancer, but our doctors are highly variable in how they treat the disease and are aware of new treatments, so getting second opinions and figuring out what we want to try in clinical trials is a must. A cure or functional equivalent could be just around the corner. The docs say the patients who do the best dealing with this diagnosis are the ones who are naturally sanguine (I had to look up what that means- to be optomistic or confident, despite apparently dire circumstances) so perhaps you can assume you won't have problems in the early going, and that the later parts of it will be worked out by the time you get there, and jump back into your wonderful life!

elise, first of all I want to say it sucks that you are dealing with mbc at such a young age. I was 53 at diagnosis and tho it's hard, I feel it's rougher on you younger women.

Like you, I spent some time, a lot actually, searching for answers about how to move forward with my life. I came across a definition that's helped me and maybe it can give you some insight: “The opposite of uncertainty isn't certainty, it's open-mindedness."

Try to be open to what will come into your life. Move forward with a few things on your list: get that pet, start that project, buy a new car, etc. Then, move forward with a few more things and so on. You will probably find yourself getting more comfortable doing these things as you go along. There are women on these boards who, after an mbc diagnosis, have moved to a new house, built a new house, started dating, planned vacation trips a year in advance and more. Allow yourself to live. In fact, live more fully. Our lives don't have to be tied up in a neat little bow when it's our time to go.

I also recommend a couple books: Radical Reemission by Dr. Kelly Turner and Mind Over Medicine by Lissa Rankin, M.D. These, too, will give you insight on how people faced with serious illnesses chose to continue living their lives and doing so on a more meaningful level.

Elise, I think you may be referring to the "Conditional Survival" statistics in my book, "The Insider's Guide to Metastatic Breast Cancer" which covers the disease, its treatments, side effect mitigation, and cutting edge research.  I've pasted the chapter below.  The Guide is available on Amazon in eBook and paperback formats at:   https://www.amazon.com/Insiders-Guide-Metastatic-Breast-Cancer/dp/179586060X  and I offer a complimentary .pdf in response to requests send to bestbird@hotmail.com    And I think the statistics today would be even better, given the improvements in therapies!

A diagnosis of breast cancer – especially metastatic
breast cancer – can be highly discouraging and challenging to deal with.  But it must be remembered that more therapies
are becoming available regularly, as are new clinical trials.  Maintaining optimal health under the
circumstances is important not just for well-being, but for surviving long
enough to take advantage of potential new and effective treatments.  And the good news is that the longer a person
lives with metastatic breast cancer, the longer he or she is likely to live!
This concept, called “Conditional Survival,” is based upon a 2010 statistical
analysis of huge numbers of patients in the SEER database.  The following percentages are probabilities
of five years of relative survival (taking into account breast cancer-specific
survival and setting aside other causes of death) for different time periods
following a diagnosis with metastatic breast cancer.

At 0 years (i.e. when
first diagnosed with MBC), the probability of five MORE years of relative
survival is 25.3%

At 1 year already
survived MBC, the probability of five MORE years of relative survival is 32.4%

At 2 years already
survived MBC, the probability of five MORE years of relative survival is 39.1%

At 3 years already
survived MBC, the probability of five MORE years of relative survival is 45.5%

At 4 years already
survived MBC, the probability of five MORE years of relative survival is 52.0%

At 5 years already
survived MBC, the probability of five MORE years of relative survival is 56.9%

From: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3228022/table/T2/  (Look under “Distant” and “Breast Cancer”).

A more recent study of conditional survival in breast
cancer data from SEER examined cases that were diagnosed during 2000-2008 and
followed up through 2013.  Specific to
distant breast cancer disease, the analysis indicated that five-year relative
survival was 30%, and that the improvement in 5-year relative survival from
diagnosis to five years already survived for distant disease was 91.4%.  From: https://www.omicsonline.org/conference-proceedings/2161-1165-C1-016-001.pdf

However,
the SEER database only records “de novo” MBC patients (those who present with
metastatic breast cancer at initial diagnosis) as opposed to patients who
initially had early stage breast cancer and later recurred.  For example, a patient who initially had
Stage 1 breast cancer is recorded as a Stage 1 breast cancer patient in SEER,
but if s/he recurs, SEER is not updated to reflect the patient’s MBC status.  Hence the logical question with respect to
Conditional Survival is whether the SEER statistics above apply to recurrent
MBC patients.  Although the author cannot
definitively provide an answer, one particular study of 815 patients studied
from 2007 – 2009 in eight hospitals in the Netherlands provides some
interesting data regarding this question. 
In the study, patients were subdivided into 3 groups: de novo, patients
who recurred in < 24 months, and patients who recurred in > 24 months.  The study concluded that patients with de
novo metastatic breast cancer had a significantly better outcome when compared
with patients who recurred in < 24 months, but when they were compared with
patients who recurred in > 24 months, the outcomes were similar.  From: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25880008

Elise, enjoy life now however long you live!

In my first year I looked ahead to two, then as I passed that hump I let myself believe that the probability was greater the longer I lived that I was going farther to the right of the extended tail of the survival distribution curve. Now I am an outlier. You can be, too.