Lumpectomy last Friday

Hi Sage,

I think it's important to feel heard when we're going through all this. I did not need radiation (because I had a double mx) so I can't speak specifically to that. I have known several people first hand who've had it and the size of their breasts remained the same. It seems like as unique as all of us women are, so are our body's responses to all of this.

Wishing you love, peace and comfort. Cancer is scary regardless of the stage. Allow yourself those emotions. XOXO

Kim

My RO said people with fattier breasts experience more shrinkage. Less common with denser breasts. She felt like I'd be fine because I have small dense breasts. It's certainly worth talking with the RO about your concerns. A good doc will be upfront about the possibilities. Mine was also left side and she explained to me all the things they do to protect the heart and lungs. I had to do breath holds during treatment because that reduced risk and moved things so that it was easier to miss the heart with the beam. It was pretty easy- not long holds, they gave me glasses that helped me monitor how deep of a breath to take, etc. I'm not that far out, so I can't say much about long term effects, but my experience during was not fun but manageable.

As far as appearance, I'm pretty small to begin with. As things are settling out I can see a slight size difference, but I think I'm far more aware of it than other people. I've asked two people that I'm close to. One doesn't see it, one can see it but only because I asked her to look. So the average person is not going to notice. I also noticed the size difference after surgery, so I think there might have been minor swelling during rads and now that is going down, so it's hard to say if rads had any impact on size or if it was just the surgery. Once things have settled a little more I plan to figure out what bras fit, explore whether a small lumpectomy form or extra padding or something would help to even out size if it's still bothering me, etc. There is a shop here where I can make an appointment for a fitting if I decide I want to address the size difference. It's frustrating and I don't love having new things to be self conscious about but it also feels workable and manageable. Make the decision that feels right to you, but know that appearance-wise there are things that can be done, even in a bathing suit, and you might not see any change at all. Hang in there. You can do this.

I’m not sure where people are getting all of the heart-and-lung things with rads because honestly I think it’s a thing of the past. As long as you’re being treated at a center with state-of-the-art equipment, I really don’t think it’s a concern. My first time, when it was on the left side, my MO looked me in the eye and said <twice> “I will not irradiate your heart.” The breath hold thing wasn’t bad at all. If you slip out of position the machine shuts off automatically. When it starts back up you only have to do the balance—not the whole zap. And honestly that never happened to me. I got two zaps from two different angles, with the longest being about 17-18 seconds. My skin wasn’t pretty by the end, but also not awful. It heals quickly. I had a couple of days of fatigue each time, but that was it. As everyone says, the toughest part is going to treatment five days a week. OTOH, that means every week you have five more behind you. It goes more quickly than you think. And you will fall in love with your techs.Re: misshapen breasts—that’s just part of my story now. We wear our scars proudly in my family. You’ll be fine. Really you will.