Downsizing My Home—Emotional & Practical Considerations
Can I share, worry, and ask advice here, with the people who really get it? The cancer along with other family health problems has taken such a toll on our financial situation, that we are going to sell our house and try to get a smaller one that is more affordable and requires less maintenance for both house and garden. I love my house and where I live, so I am sad. On the other hand, maybe moving will get me away from the frustration and disappointment of all the dreams we had for this place that were never, and are unlikely to be, fulfilled — decorating, gardening, and entertaining we’ve never had the energy or money for because of health problems. Not to be morbid, but I had pictured my last months, whenever they come, here in this nice place. Even the cemetery in the area where I would still be close to my family. Ay, the losses continue.
But I am doing well cancer-wise right now. In fact, on my new lower Xeloda dose, I have a little more energy than before, though not a normal amount. How, how, how will I get through all the decluttering I have never been able to get done yet? The years of things/papers that have not been attended to as I have simply been trying to get the minimum daily life like laundry and food done with some energy to spare for meaningful and enjoyable activities. I have to get rid of half my stuff including furniture, and on a deadline. Does anyone have ideas on how I can use helpers when so much of the sorting must rely on my decision-making and I can’t pay much for help? Should I donate things, or sell them? Making a little money would be great, but more work, I think. Who has downsized while on treatment and how did you manage?
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I’m going through something kinda similar, cancer sped up retirement, so DH and I are working on downsizing, packing up/selling our house and moving to our cabin. For the inspiration and practical tips, I recommend the not a hoarder but decluttering thread.
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Hi Shetland,
I understand exactly where you are coming from although our circumstances are a bit different. Like you I am facing unrealized dreams. I (and my 87 year old mother) own an old, character home that I love. I always imagined having more time and resources in retirement to help realize its potential. It doesn't have a lot of property but the garden is significant as is the work that goes with it.
We have a lot of “stuff" in this old house. My mother got into antiques and collectibles when my dad was ill, thinking that she could earn some extra money while filling her days. In addition to the collections, we have family things from not one but two families as the last of the grandparents on both my mother and fathers side passed away leaving their estates behind.
So, here we are with a house that requires a lot of ongoing maintenance and a lot of material goods to boot. With no significant other and no children the plot thickens. Tough choices and some clear action were the order of the day!
I need to be clear that I am not in the position that I need to sell the house right away due to financial constraints. I love the old dear and would like to stay as long as possible but a few things became clear. First, I made a conscious decision to get some of the maintenance and renovation tasks done that we have been holding off on. This has meant a certain level of discomfort as we endure what I lovingly refer to as “camping" while we get walls repaired, floors sanded and painting done. My intent is twofold - to make the house as comfortable as possible over the next few years but also to ensure that it is “sales ready" should I decide that I simply can't continue to keep up with the maintenance. Step one is ongoing.
Step two, which I have recently begun to focus on involves dealing with the excess. This, by far, is the most challenging, particularly when you throw my mother into the mix. She thinks everything is valuable and we should either sell it or ensure that it goes to a good home. As you can imagine, this leads to some tension. But I am not above playing the cancer card here and have told her many times that, under the circumstances, we need to be strategic. As it is now, the estate will not benefit with this overwhelming array. Seems to be working...
How to get rid? I have a multi-pronged approach. If it's useful but of limited value I put it on the curb as free. It is amazing what will go for free! If it has some value, I post it on sites like “UsedXXX" (insert the name of your community), VarageSale (although warning here, folks seem ultra cheap - more than a couple of bucks and it is unlikely to sell), Kijji or EBay. If it has reasonable value then I suggest local auctions. I haven't had a garage sale yet but may once I have things down to a more manageable quantity. The one caveat here is that I am not faced with a deadline just yet,but as I keep pointing out to my mom, today I am up to it, tomorrow??? I am having some success and we have pulled in a few dollars to help fund the renovations.
Not sure if this is helpful. I do find that if I just take a few minutes each day to sort through a drawer, a stack of paperwork or whatever, I do see progress. I know how daunting it is. I had weeks of stressing about this and then finally just decided to get on with it. And, magically, I am seeI got some small measure of results. Today I sold a set of weights that my grandfather bought my for my brother about 50 years ago! Chipping away at it, one item at a time...
Good luck. Pat.
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https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/7/topics/...
Decluttering thread
Sorry SP. It can be very daunting. I agree one thing at a time with give you impetus. Nothing like a clean, organized junk drawer.
See you on the decluttering thread!
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Shetland, I feel for you.
There are those people who move numerous times throughout their adult life, never seeming to mind house hopping and not getting attached to their homes. Nothing wrong with that. But others of us become more invested, making a move more difficult.
A few things that will come in to play are whether you get a good price for your house, who buys it and what kind of place you will move to. If you find the right new place, you will be able to make it home just like you did with your current house. I'd ask the universe or your spiritual guidance to open the right doors for the right person or family to buy your current house and to lead you to the right new home for you.
Getting your house in shape for the move...can you start by putting all things to be donated in one room? Or the garage or basement? Start with clothes, they are supposed to be easiest.
When it comes to memorobilia like photos, kids school work, ect., box the stuff up and set it aside. Don't take the time now to go through it or you'll be bogged down with emotion and it'll be hard to move forward. This kind of stuff can often be moved with you and then you can sort through it a little at a time while in your new place.
If a garage sale is too much work, donate stuff to places like Goodwill. For large items of value, say an extra refrigerator, table and chairs or bedroom set, you could offer it for sale on FB. We sell numerous things like that.
Look around your house. Surely there is stuff you really don't like or are tired of. Get rid of that stuff first. Once you do, it helps build momentum.
Decide to dedicate at least half an hour a day through the week to decluttering/downsizing, and maybe a few hours on the weekends. Every little bit helps. Best wishes to you on this project.
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Hi, Shetland! So good to see you!
I'm thinning things out a little each week and forcing my DH to spend some money on updates and upgrades. Now that I am so many years in with MBC, I really think we should try to keep the house within a month or two of being ready to go on the market.
I just earmarked two cute but uncomfortable chairs to go on the curb tomorrow. And a late relative's gate-leg, drop-leaf table. I actually hate that thing and I don't know why I've kept it 15 years. Curb. Yessss.
But the thought of actually putting this house up for sale and moving? I'm in total denial. I truly hope that doesn't happen until I'm gone. But I want to do what I can to make that easier for the family.
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Hi Shetland,
I downsized last summer. Sold my big house and moved into a smaller space. It is less work, but since the new one is a rehab it still does not feel like home.
It was a lot of work and I hated every minute. Others may do better... I am glad I didn't leave it for my girls to manage and I do feel more free without it.
It's a tough decision and I know you'll do what is best for you! If finances weren't going to be an issue after I'm gone, I would have stayed there. I loved my house..
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Shetland, it is sad and exhausting but doable. A little at a time. My sister did some major downsizing while doing chemo. I still can't believe she did it. She gave lots away to friends, put stuff on the curb to the delight of her neighbors, disposed of junk in the city dump, but still had to rent storage space in her new building. She was still way ahead financially so no problem there. But she did have some flooding in the space recently and is getting rid of damaged goods at the cost of the building's insurance. The lesson I think is just to get rid of whatever you can. Storage is rarely worth it. Although in her case she did get more out of storing than if she had given the stuff away. She had help to cart things away while she sorted.
I'll be downsizing in two years when we move to a renovated apartment nearby. I still don't know the floor plan and how much I'll have to get rid off but I've already started going through things slowly. Last year I got rid of about 30 shopping bags of books in anticipation of the downsizing as well as a paint job we had to do. I gave the books to my godsons who managed to earn a few hundred dollars from the cache. I got rid of old electronics today at the recycling station of the city. I donated two bags of clothes and shoes to charity. last week. Another box is getting filled by the end of the week. I guess I would say set goals even just small ones. For example, I now buy larger garbage bags so I have to throw stuff away on a daily basis to fill them.
Keep us posted.
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Thanks to everyone who has posted, for the tips, encouragement and sympathy!
Yes, I have followed the decluttering thread for quite a while, and I considered posting this there, but the magnitude and speed of what I have to do — it almost needs a new word. Uber mega speed decluttering for showing a house WHILE on chemo pills. Not just a junk drawer, a whole office. A whole house. I have to work on it all day every day as much as my energy level allows. And beyond that, there is the sadness of forced, not chosen, downsizing.
Sadiesservant, Heidihill, and lulubee, I am glad you are doing now what will prepare for the future day you get a smaller place, because it will make your life now simpler and more enjoyable. I feel like at my house we are doing things I have wanted done for ever so long, only now we are doing them for someone else!
MrsM, you are right. I can make a home wherever I land. I’ll enjoy the challenge of interior decorating and creating a small garden. But oh, my beautiful family room, so lovingly put together. Not super expensive, but my artistic expression, very personal, full of meaning to me, and listening to what the house itself had to say as well. Same for my bedroom. For all the rooms, even the unfinished ones. We will try not to rush finding the right new place in our new price range. Although at stage iv maybe I should rush.
Iwrite, thank you for acknowledging the feelings about this. I hope your new place starts to feel like home very soon.
How do you feel about moving to the cabin, illimae?
As you say, Zills, one thing at a time. Maybe my mantra will be Do one thing. Rest. Repeat.
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Shetland, I had to rent a small storage space down the street to declutter in a short amount of time so my house was "showable". I never wanted a storage space but didn't have any other realistic options at that point. Then later, I went through stuff slowly to throw away or give away most and keep a few key items. Not ideal but always a plan b or c or d option if you are suddenly in a bind due to house hunting down the road but before you have the chance to finish the entire project it.
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Shetland, I understand how momentous the task is. While I am preparing for the future (and to be honest, hope I can hang on here until the end), the sheer volume means that it has become a second full time job for me. I actually got a bit overwhelmed this morning when I looked around the basement and realized I have sold two items this week. Sigh....I will need to live to about 190!
JFLhad a great suggestion with storage. While not ideal, it will buy you some time in terms of the downsizing process. My only advice is to make sure you don’t get the “out of sight, out of mind” mentality. We had storage for quite some time before moving to this house. It’s an expensive waste of resources over the long term and it becomes all too easy to turn a blind eye to things we really don’t miss or need.
I wish I could help with the process. I know first hand how daunting it is. Wishing you quick sales for the things you choose to let go of. And don’t beat yourself up about the things you want to keep. Some things remain precious regardless of the value to others.
Hugs. Pat.
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JFL, I may have to follow your method of storing now and sorting later. I'd rather "do it right" but I may not have the choice. I am afraid of precisely the situation you describe, Sadiesservant. Witness the pile of boxes from our last move still untouched
I'd like to know more about storage options. JFL, what was your storage space like? Was it a room you could you walk into and work in, or was it a space packed with boxes that you extracted one by one and took home to sort? What about furniture vs. boxes?
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Shetland Pony. I haven't been on this thread before, but I've been trying to purge for several years. I'm not downsizing in regard to my house just getting rid of stuff I don't need or want. I wish there was another name for it instead of purge, sounds like vomiting. Yuck
Just curious, when did you go on xeloda? Did you have progression, is that why you changed TX? I had a big progression scare in September, but I didn't change TX because the MRI didn't show anything in the area of the liver that the PET had shown increased uptake. I scan again in November.
Sorry, you have to sell your home. I'm trying to do everything I can to make my home easier to sell whenever it has to happen. Also I want my kids to have to sort through less junk. I've been through that process with my parents and my brother. It's not fun and so time consuming.
Yes, I agree. Keeping doing the next first thing even if it's one thing per day.
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finished another carload of stuff to go to Salvation Army. And filled the recycle can with old magazines
Much more to go through. One box at a time!
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Grannax, I prefer the term “editing” to “purging”. Much more civilized, don’t you think?
Someone posted a recent article about the “financial toxicity” of cancer, and it mentioned how advanced stage patients are more likely to suffer from it. (And mine is not the only big health condition in the family.) So I’m reading about the issue of financial toxicity and I realize, oh my gosh, that’s us now! Not fair. If my life is going to be short, seems like I should get to enjoy it more, not less. Not have losses following upon losses. See, this is about more than de-cluttering. I just keep reminding myself that this move will improve our financial situation so that I can feel less scared of what the future will be for my family. And maybe once I get through it life will feel simpler. I just hope my time of feeling relatively well is not all used up doing this move.
To answer your question Grannax, my first year on Ibrance + letrozole I remained NEAD. My second year on ibrance + letrozole my tumor marker slowly crept up until eventually the scan showed progression. I tried afinitor + faslodex for four months but to no avail. Then I started Xeloda, which has taken me back to NEAD. I have been on Xeloda for a little over a year now. My next move, when required, may be Y90. I was set to do it when I was starting Xeloda, but Xeloda worked quickly and well, so we are saving Y90. I hope to hear that your November scan is stable or better.
Good luck, DodgersGirl.
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Shetland, I can answer your question about storage. There are often a number of options, at least here in Canada. We rented a unit in a heated building. Depending on where you live this is usually preferable as it avoids mold and dampness in your stored items during winter. In terms of the type of storage, it depends a bit on your budget. You can rent whatever size you want from a small space that is best for boxes to one that will handle larger items. They are not great places to work with your things - more in and out with sorting done elsewhere.
Another option that is popping up, literally, are cubes that they bring to your house, dropping them in your driveway. They are really convenient as you can simply pop another box into the storage cube as you unload your house. Then, when you are ready, they take the storage cube off site. The downside is that it is likely not easy to access things later, one box at a time. I think they are intended for people doing renovations or moving to another house who may have a gap in when they take possession.
I completely understand your worry about using up your good days on this. I have exactly the same fear, worrying that I will come to resent my mother for making this process more drawn out than it needs to be. We have actually had discussions about this. In the summer when I really got serious about the "editing" she kept saying that it was not a good time to sell things. My response was "Today I feel well enough to do this. Tomorrow I may not so now is a good time to sell things."
Grannax, like you I am fortunate to not be in a position of having to sell my house but I definitely need to make it more comfortable with a particular eye on making sure it works for me as my health declines. In addition to the editing we are working on renovations to make it more saleable and nicer for us. Upstairs almost complete. Next is a room where we have a large pool table. It will be going, replaced by a comfortable couch and what I lovingly refer to as "a big honking TV".
Wishing you success Shetland. I know it's a tough job. Hugs. Pat
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Shetland- hi! Selling your beloved home and downsizing is gut wrenching. I found this book helpful. She’s a little over the top so take what works and leave the rest behind. Be sure to get the book out of the library ( so as not to add to your stuff) anyway she starts with the least emotional stuff like clothes and leaves the momentos for last. If you try to go through stuff you are deeply attached to first it will de- rail the whole process.
The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing
Hugs to you.
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I feel your worry. Bought a new house with kids in mind. Backyard, basement, dog! I can't keep it up. Still needs some work. No motivation. X is very draining.
But there is a nagging ongoing worry that it gets finished, settled so I have time to enjoy it before cancer goes downhill. Haven't researched the next treatment. Onc moved and no replacement yet but not needed as long as I'm stable. Nurse and Pharm can do what I need.
A storage unit isn't much different than s garage or attic. I put all the holiday totes out there but have shoebox totes for ornaments and stuff that won't take the heat/cold.
During lent I challenged my self to a bag a day. No matter the size. Want to do s challenge? Will that help? Plan a treat? Coffee?
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So the primary goal of decluttering right now has been to make the house show-able. Therefore the closets and drawers must wait. We rented a storage unit. Things that are in the way but too time-consuming to sort, such as papers, go there. I will sort them elsewhere as you say, Pat, one box at a time. Hopefully during escrow. The storage unit is also a holding area for some furniture that I can't choose between until I know what fits best in my new place. Things to sell or donate are stored at a friend's place, to be disposed of soon. Nkb, the two Kondo books already form part of my stuff. I'm actually looking forward to having time to sort everything Kondo style once the house looks good on the surface.
It floors me that I have lived for years with so many things undone in the house and yard, and so much clutter, and it has made me so unhappy. Now in just a few weeks we are managing to somehow make progress. How? For one thing, I have been working non-stop, mentally and physically exhausting myself, skipping yoga and exercise and fun and sleep to focus only on this project. (This is "killing me" and I hope not literally. My tumor markers went lower after vacation; will they rise this month?) I put the word out and found some young people to help with various tasks such as loading and unloading boxes, and yard work. I paid them a little more than minimum wage, plus lunch. (Maybe you could find similar help, Zills?) The other thing is I called out for help and a few people showed up in a big way. Couldn't have made it this far without these true friends who are helping me with the yard, selling stuff, staging the house, etc. You know, it's not obvious how much you really need help when you "look good" but are tired all the time from cancer treatment, and if you are closet stage iv it's hard to ask for help. But when you can say you are moving because you can't afford to stay, it feels like asking for help is more understandable or justified.
Pat, you are so smart to keep working on things steadily with an eye to making your life better. It sounds like you can be compassionate but realistic with your mom. I'm trying to do the same with my kid. Zills, yes do a bag a day on most days if you can. Do the things with the biggest impact on your happiness first. I hope you can get help with everyday chores to free you up for this.
(P.S. Nkb, you get extra points for including the macron in Kondo's name. You're my kind of person. But I don't know how to do it on my keyboard!)
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Shetland, I love how you are pulling out all the stops for this big purge and re-ordering of your life. It’s super smart of you to enlist the help of others in different areas. Funny thing about purging. Don’t be surprised to find your tumor markers remaning stable. You are lightening your load both physically and mentally which often benefits our health. You can get back to the yoga and exercise and fun and sleep once this huge project gets whittled down and you may find you have a renewed kind of energy, more focused and less burdensome. Good luck with it all!
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Shetland- thank you for the extra points😘 On my laptop (apple) if I hold down certain letters a choice of accents, macron etc present themselves and I choose one.
I agree that all this extra stuff is an energy drain- so try to stay after it, but, if I had to move I am sure that I would find an overwhelming amount of stuff remains.
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Shetland Pony: Thanks for starting this thread. I was looking for related topics. I have started taking a hard look at my finances. It's a stretch to stay in my home. I should downsize to a small condo but it is difficult. Part of it is financial but part of it is also giving up all the dreams that go along with my little house and being able to sit outside in my back yard, etc. I tell myself that I could probably travel some without the house to take care of. But that seems sort of ... far away and intangible.
I need to do some major "editing." Right now, I am struggling to continue to work so it doesn't leave a lot of energy to do house stuff. I recently ordered a scanner to help deal with some of the paper (convert it to digital). I have no spouse, no kids and my teenage nephews are not really thinking about setting up housekeeping yet. I have elderly parents who are working on their own editing process. I have seriously wondered whether I should be one of those "sell everything" people. I probably should. But it's very disorienting to think about. I'm sort of a "nester" at heart. Frankly, I need to just suck it up and get it done 'cause there is not going to be anyone to do it once I am gone. As you can tell, I am kind of struggling with this.
I will share a thought in case it is of interest to anyone: on ebay, it is possible to donate sale proceeds to charities. I know that Metavivor is on there. Not sure.... breastcancer.org may be, too. Frankly, I could use the funds myself but thinking funds may go to a good cause is also some consolation.
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Shetland, you are doing an awesome job!
Lumpie, I don't want to pass on the headache of going through junk and that's my motivation.
I got rid of a box of headphones, earbuds and cables today. Actually DD sorted the stuff out from her collection and I just went to the recycling center.
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Thank you, Heidi.
Lumpie, I get it. I’m a nester, too. I would like to travel but would give up all travel in exchange for staying in my home and enjoying it and my garden (even in its unfinished state), if that were actually a choice I had. I know that I must avoid a situation where DH and I feel too tired to keep up, and risk losing the house. Or where we have no quality of life, no time or energy to enjoy things. So we continue to look for a place to go that will allow us to reset our finances from the drain of the past several years. I’m trying to look forward to decorating a new place (with my same stuff re-worked) and making a new small and manageable garden. Does thinking like that help you at all? Like, you could make the most awesome condo container garden ever? Do watch out for high association fees with a condo.
As far as getting the editing done, you might consider calling in all help, taking a few days off work if you can, and blitzing through things in a short amount of time. Get a big chunk of the job over with and then get on with living your life. I was forced to do this in order to ready the house for photos. It looks and feels amazing. Why didn’t we do this sooner? It seemed like too high of a mountain. Mind you, there is still a lot of sorting to do, things in storage and closets, but I feel so much better already. I did sell and donate a ton of stuff. A friend helped me sell some online, and another hosted a garage sale, and another drove me and my stuff to the donation drop-off. A while ago, before moving was on the table, I had help from a personal organizer and that was helpful, too.
Downsizing is more than deluttering. Decluttering is one of the first steps. But beyond that tough job, I have a lot of sadness about this loss, as I love my neighborhood, house, and yard. I have fear that we will not find a new place where we can feel safe and happy. I fear a suitable new place will cost too much and make it not worth giving up what I have. But I also fear leaving DH alone with debt in his old age. His health is not great, which combined with mine, has put us in this position. (See the “catastrophic costs” thread that the moderators made and my post about financial toxicity.)
So, DivineMrsM, I had my labs done and my tumor markers have indeed stayed low, in spite of everything. Amazing.
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts, ShetlandPony. Lots to think about. I may end up taking some time off work. That would certainly make other things more manageable. I will also look at your catastrophic costs post. I live in a very expensive area so there are constraints even when down-sizing. I can see how it could be kind of fun and exciting to decorate a new place. I can't really imagine moving to a totally new and unknown area/city at this point so I will probably try to stay where I am. It's a lot to sort out. Thanks again.
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If relevant, I wanted to encourage other MBC'ers to share your workplace stories at this new discussion:
MBC and Your Job -- what's your story?https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/8/topics/...
Interesting thread!
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Update: Got through the preparing and showing the house phase, and now deep in the escrow phase. Incredible amounts of soul-numbing legal papers. Suspense and worry as we move into inspections and appraisals. Next will be sorting through all closets and drawers in preparation for boxing up everything for the move. After escrow worries my biggest concern is getting the sorting done in time as I really really really don't want to have anything in my new house that I "do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful" (William Morris). And we also have to do some things to the new place before moving in.
Lumpie, yes, after casting a wide net in the initial house search, I came to the conclusion that staying near my present home would be smarter and less stressful, even if there are less expensive areas elsewhere. I know the area well and can pick a decent neighborhood. I will not have to find new places to shop etc. I will still be reasonably close to friends and family.
All in all I am happy with what we found, and trying to focus on the things I like about the new place. If all goes according to plan we will end up with our emergency fund re-established, a lower monthly payment, and less house and yard to care for. And I can rest in the knowledge that when/if I have to leave my DH alone, this house can be paid off with my life insurance. I want to get him set up in a place that will be a good one for him. I hope we will have good years to enjoy it together. I hope I have not used up my feeling-pretty-good time. It will have been six months of work to achieve this move. I hope I get to enjoy the fruits of my labor. To help myself deal with escrow, I make decorating and gardening plans. I am very tired.
Would love to hear updates from others who posted above or who would like to join the thread.
P.S. Lumpie, I love that Jane Austen quote in your sig line. Here is my Jane Austen quote for this month, as I prepare to move to the little house: "I am excessively fond of a cottage; there is always so much comfort, so much elegance about them. And I protest, if I had any money to spare, I should buy a little land and build one myself, within a short distance of London, where I might drive myself down at any time, and collect a few friends about me and be happy. I advise everybody who is going to build, to build a cottage."
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hi Shetland - interesting thread. Thank you for it!
I am 41 (42 this month!) and was diagnosed right after my 40th birthday de novo. My parents bought a studio apartment in the same building that they live in (they’re on the 24th floor and this apartment is on the 22nd) with the idea that I could live close by and we could take care of one another “just in case!” We were all shocked and scared at my diagnosis and had no idea what the future would hold.
Anywho - I had just moved back to the east coast from the west coast and had a storage unit full of my “stuff” that I schlepped around the country. I moved it all into my new studio and then went through each item and pretty much threw EVERYTHING away. My friends had to stop me as I was just about to through away my photographs. I was in such a serious “edit” of my life.
My thoughts were: this stuff is all weighing me down and I want to be free from it all! I continue to purge and simplify. I want my home to be comfy and warm yet clear and clean. I was never a hoarder but stuff just accumulates. People always want to give you more “stuff.” I say no all the time.
I’m currently trying to get rid of a sofa that is taking up space and an unattractive (in my taste) wall mount.
I want a clean clear simple space with some plants and zero clutter.
I am almost there!
Good luck to you in your moving endeavors. I know it is tough to let go of the items with sentimental value. I just figured that for me, who would really want to go through all my weird stuff? I don’t want to do that to any of my family members or friends. Also, it’s just more stuff to have to dust and takes up space and makes me feel heavy. I am so happy to be “stuff” free.
Morbid planning!
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I am almost "stuff" free. When I was diagnosed, all seemed dire. I purged my clothes, my files and gave important jewelry items to my grown children. I also gave inherited family items to my nieces. It felt right.
I feel good these days..so had to buy new clothes to replace what I donated! My DH and I did downsize to duplex near my hospital and MO. That was last year. We kept our tiny RV in case we need to travel for future cliniical trials.
Just to be clear..my DH has not sorted his stuff and probably never will! He likes to dumpster dive at construction sites..
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I agree with Philly, the less to dust the better, so my friends and family have always said that my big house looks kind of empty. I recurred one month after finishing my stage II treatment, and was in disbelief when all of a sudden my MO told me that I was going to die. I immediately started to search my house for stuff to get rid of, and realized that it was a way of trying to get control. To let go of things of sentimental value (to me - not to others) I found really difficult, but I helped me in the process of emotionally grasping that this disease will actually kill me.
I´m very rational in all aspects, so I think I´m challenged by the act of balancing things. Since my stage IV diagnosis I practically only spend money on food and drugs to relieve SEs. I used to like shopping new clothes, but now before getting for instance a new shirt I find myself thinking that I have enough clothes for my expected life time. So I´m - not very successfully - practicing to say to myself: If it brings you pleasure get it.
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Shetland pony: love the Jane Austin quote. Thanks for sharing that. I, too, love a cottage. Here is another quote I found recently that I feel speaks to my circumstances:
We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. -E. M. Forster
I think I still have trouble giving up my plans and dreams, although I realize, upon reflection, that many were not even ones that I chose for myself. I wonder if I were 90, if I would feel any differently.
A more pragmatic tip for those struggling to manage photographs: you may be aware that there are services that will scan those and turn them into digital images. I have used a company called Scan Cafe.
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