The Beast & Me: Round Two
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NS -
NO-Surrender!!! You sound ready to fight! I just read your post and am so sorry you are going through this again. I am sending more fighting spirit your way along with good thoughts, too.
Janie -
NS,
I'm so sorry to hear your new. I too have found you so inspiring. I'm also in my second battle with "The Beast".
I was diagnosed 15 years ago, at 35, with IDC, had lumpectomy and radiation and 4 years of Tamoxifen. Everything great since then. Went for a routine Mammo in Nov. and discovered IDC in opposite breast, triple negative this time. SNB-, receiving chemo this time. To start chemo in next 2 weeks. I know we have experience, but this second time has really "thrown" me. I feel like I'm having a hard time rallying myself. Maybe we can support each other thru this! My thoughts are with you!
Mary -
hi girls
just finished 2nd battle also with BC- 10 years between
1st was lumpectomy/radiation stage 1- then finally feeling safe and 10 yrs exactly later during routine yearly mammo/sono
stage 3 - i was shocked! never mind another dx but stage 3 so advanced from the yr before- it took me awhile to get up the fight again but i did and had chemo this time right away and then surgery- dbl mast and reconstruction with expanders and now saline implants- well i am 1 month past my exchange surgery and i must say that my head is not perfect but soooo much in a better place then i was 8 months ago- i want to live and be happy and am not going to let this stop me from that ! i wont say it is not so much harder the 2nd time around becos it was the hardest thing i had to do but i am now done with tx and pray from now on i will be fine
if there is anything i can do for you gina or mary to inspire you and help you get thru this please lean on me
my best thoughts are with you
julia -
G,
Just poppin in to say love ya sister!!! With you all the way.
Hugs
Vickie -
I HATE CANCER!!! WHERE IS THE CURE?
Oh Gina, you are my hero! You show such courage and strength. You helped us Junies ('05) get through our treatment and I cannot thank you enough for that act of kindness. I honestly felt much more empowered because of you. You have a very special place in my heart.
Like Nancy, I was brought to tears by this post. But I will put on my big girl panties, push that fear back into the deep and muster all the cancer-free vibes I can and send them your way!
You will beat this! I just know it!
HUGS!!! -
Hi Sherri,
What led to a brain MRI? My onc does scans after staging when symptomatic.Is a brain MRI part of staging? Beth -
NS,
This just totally sucks and it especially infuriates me that you have to fight with your insurance at a time like this. You need those scans!!!
I've also had two primaries. First time around, I was happy to conserve my breast. When the other breast was diagnosed three years later, I felt both were my enemy and I needed to get rid of them. So, bilateral mastectomies (no recon). But, oh, I was still sad to lose them.
I am sending every positive thought as you embark on this new fight. -
Oh, sweet Beth, I missed whatever whoever said to you. Hon, making a decision to have a bilat mast when you do not have bc must be one of the hardest decisions. I have one breast left and I'm having the hardest time deciding what to do. And, in my mind I know what I should do. I had 5 nodes positive AFTER neoadjuvant chemo.
I didn't have reconstruction and don't plan to. My DH said something "funny." He said if I had the other boob cut off I wouldn't have to wear a bra. I sorta yelled at him, ARE YOU KIDDING! I am vain and to me having boobs on while being clothed in public is more attractive. That's just me. And if others feel comfortable without wearing a prosthesis or not having reconstruction then that wonderful for them. But if I want to enlarge my boobs to a size D one day and then go down to a C the next day I have that option. Just kidding. My C is plenty big enough. LOL
I wish you so much luck with your decision and I pray that the surgeon will find NOTHING in your breasts except for plain ole fat...LOL
Shirley -
NS, just sending you a note to let you know I'm thinking about you. Bless your heart...having to fight with insurance companies is horrible. You're surgeon is going to have to fight this for you.
I did what you are or have done. I cleaned my house before starting chemo and surgery. Hey, it helped me keep my mind off of the upcoming crap.
You are going to do fine. You are a fighter. And we'll be here for you every step of the way just like you have been for so many.
Shirley -
I've mentioned this before, but I dyed my hair the night before surgery. Kind of weird, but I had never done it before, so it made going into surgery a little more interesting and not quite so scary.
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Gina,
You are experiencing what we all fear most--recurrence/new primary/mets/whatever--after we hit that magical five year point. Ain't supposed to happen!!!!
You are much stronger, emotionally, and far better informed that you were for the firsst go-round. You'll ask the right questions and demand the right care. And you'll come out of this healthy again.
It's okay to be "vain" about the breasts. Hell, it's not vanity. Who wants a part of their body amputated?? I honestly don't know what I'd do if I were in your shoes. I like the look of my breasts, but the thought of reconstruction that will only look normal when I have clothes on is a real quandry.
You'll make the right decision. Make it based on information and facts, try to keep the emotions out of it. Which is easier said than done--this is a highly emotional issue.
Best of luck and good health as you navigate this path. So much unknown--like those different features of your cancer, what treatment to take--but you WILL get through it.
And we're here for you.
Anne -
I just cannot find the words to thank you all enough for the support, prayers, inspiration and courage you have given me in all of your beautiful responses.
THANK YOU.
The thought of losing my breasts is surreal, I always thought my upper torso was where I had the least flaws... unlike below the waist! But the reality has now sunk in- there are three cancerous tumors in my right breast right now... I WANT THEM GONE! That is what is freaking me out now. The thought that this is spreading- since they grew at such an alarming rate!
I meet with two plastic surgeons on Tuesday. I want to ask them if I can have immediate implants instead of expanders-- just to see if maybe I can! I think it would help me emotionally to see breasts when I wake up- no matter what they look like.
I want to ask them to please do a good job- I really want to say that! I want to say "Look give me a friggin break and don't let any mishaps happen ok??? Because I am about at the end of my rope here!" Do you think it will make a difference?
I guess I am nervous because I have had surgery that went terribly wrong- that was to my spine- I would dearly love my breast surgery to go off without a hitch if at all possible in light of the kind of luck I seem to have!
I have to fight the insurance companies tomorrow to get my scans and get on the doc's backs to help me fight... what has this world come to that we have to fight red tape when we are frightened to death?
All my closets are cleaned. The bathroom has its second coat of paint- plus the ceiling... I waxed my car... and still have to paint one wall in the living room and the hallway...
Well my Yankee grandmother always taught us "hands to work- hearts to God" so as long as I am cleaning something I can't think of the "worst case scenarios"
BTW- if anyone needs a garage or attic cleaned out- just come and get me and put me in there- I will have it done for you in a jiffy!
Well- next week I think will be the week from h*ll... but gotta go through it.
Thank you so very much again-
Oh- if anyone thinks of questions I should ask the PSs please let me know!
Thanks,
Love,
g -
NS - I am so sorry your have to fight this battle again.
- It is ok to be vain. It is ok to tell your PS that you want this to not only go well without a hitch - but you want to look fabulous in the end.
- Is there any chance you will have radiation? I am sorry but I have not read every post in this thread. If there is a chance that you will have radiation, I would start to discuss how your PS believes that will impact your reconstruction and the timing of completion.
- I always think of Bruce Springsteen's song "No Surrender" when I see your posts. So as only Bruce can say it...
Well, we made a promise we swore we'd always remember
No retreat, baby, no surrender
Like soldiers in the winter's night
With a vow to defend
No retreat, baby, no surrender
My best wishes are with you.
Sandy -
Hi G- I am so sorry your news isn't better. I don't post often, but have read many of yours. We had discussed the possibility of you needing more chemo and you had mentioned TC which is what I received. It really wasn't too bad. I'll keep you in my prayers that things go well with your surgery and that you sail through without a hitch. Good luck. - Sandy
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I'm so sorry to hear you have to do this again. I also do not post often but I do read alot on this forum, and have seen many of your posts especially in the triple neg section. You truly are an inspiration. You can do this!!!!! Sending all my positive energy....
Rebecca -
NS,
No matter what we think about the importance of breasts,
when we want to get rid of them, the fact is that
it does help to have them in after/during mastec surgery
when that is possible, it's proven.
Why not spare your self to it and what may come next,
when you can or if you can?
And you feel free to ask what comes on the top of your head
about it, no matter how much you may even consider it vain,
I bet your doctors can handle and do very well your questions,
it's their job too.
Considering the situation you are at, you just have to
and just do not even consider it a "luxury";
It's options, if you feel the need to ask and the need to
have stuff done, and if you can do them, you do it.
AT LEAST LATTER YOU WILL NOT REGRET TO NOT HAVE ASK.
Just as also you can spare yourself from more surgery also later.
I did not had the chance to do that during mastec. surgery,
I had to go through Rads. later on, and even at some point
all lead that I would not be a very good candidate for Recon.;
I am skinny and that can be somehow a prob. ... sort of.
But my PS told me a very important thing
when I started to refuse reconstruction,
that still today pop's in my mind. The way she said this
to me really still bongs in my mind today:
"we are women, the way we think about boobs now
and at this point is one thing, and is just not granted
that tomorrow we will be thinking the same way and do fine with it"
it took me a while to get her, but to me she was very right,
and you may found yourself even wanting to fix it
from day to night for reasons you never considered,
and stretch yourself out for very odd reasons;
sometimes we do can be/turn very strange, really...
And again is just my opinion, is not about being vain,
being vain would be something like,
improving something that is natural and that you are not pleased with,
this is not even a "natural" situation to get rid of the breasts,
so it has nothing to do with being vain or not coz simply what's involved
and the emotional results just are not the same or can even be compared.
Socially we always have something to say when it comes to boobs, don't we?
If we do not have them, we do not have that feminine thing,
if we go for them we are vain ... is there something in between??
Yes there is, and socially it's "the so and so boob's,"
as far as I know none is interested on that
and society also has something to say about it too.
Just as no one can define which reasons are important or not,
coz each person has each own reasons,
if we consider them to ourslefs personaly,
they start being important to us, sound simple to me,
apart from it and most reasons from any and most,
you will never know the real reason why.
At this moment is hard certain decisions,
to get rid of them and so on ... it's a very confusing time
and everything may come on the top of our mind including nonsense,
but just do not let
those social things printed in the back of our mind
stop you from what you think is right for you at this moment
and from doing what you want.
If you can go for what you want, go!
Wishing you lots of strength and all the strength on this.
OoH NOTE, just remembered, sorry for making this so long ...
No matter the intervention you may have, if you put implants or not,
you may want to ask your breast surgeon if there will be
in the room also a plastic surgeon with him/her.
I tell you why, most surgeons doing a mastec. do it all,
to have a plastic surgeon assisting on it the results later
can be a bit different. For instance my surgeon she works
with a plastic surgeon and the things with them go like this,
he opens and she does what she has to do,
and then it's him that deals
with the "details" and it's him that ends the surgery.
The "visual" results can be very different
along and after the recovery and so on;
in some cases even just right after surgery,
a mastec can have a lot and different looks after and they
can cover a lot of things right in that moment.
Some Docs. say that there are things
that later with PS plus Recon. can be fixed by then,
but why not fix them even if details
at that moment instead of leaving it for later?
Again sorry this got long.
Lots of Hugs.
. -
NS - how about painting the bathroom? My husband was telling me the reason the plumbing isn't working well is because it's unhappy with the wallpaper in our bath. I've got the color all picked out. You could do it in a flash with your nervous zip.
Good luck with the PS. You were radiated before? Ask what their experience is with working with previously radiated tissue. -
Maria, I just wanted to say you summed it up. This is not about vanity. Having a mast can be very traumatic.
What a wise young lady you are.
Shirley -
More notes on the long surgery...
Both my BS and PS were in there at the same time. While my BS was cutting it off, my plastic man was cutting the muscle for the reconstruction. When I awoke I had a boob, minus the nip. just a piece from my tummy where it had been. It even had a nice pube hair. TMI???
Janis -
Oh NS, that sucks to have to go through this battle a second time. But that cancer is the one that should be feeling the fear with having you as its opponent!
Sending my hugs and prayers. -
Today I meet with the two plastic surgeons. I was all prepared but now I forget everything I wanted to ask.
I had a bad day yesterday fighting the insurance company. And to make matters worse, there is a chance I may not be able to use either of the PSs I want...and no one has heard of the ones in my plan.
Please wish me luck to day as I try to get coverage and a doc I want. The breast surgeon's office called me to say I have to make up my mind fast because the breast surgeon wants to operate ASAP because I am already pushing it time wise.
To top it off my sister told me that I shouldn't mention this to my mother anymore---I only told her the bare minimum as it was---because she thinks I may "be upsetting Mom"
Can you tell I am not a morning person???
Thank you for all your advice, love and prayers... they mean so much to me.
Love,
g -
NS, I am probably telling you something you already know...
My best friend who is a cancer survivor told me to get a journal or notebook and take it to each appt. She had me write down the appt, time and date along with questions to ask. I have had lots of help from everyone here, including you, to add all kinds of questions I had no idea to even ask. It has helped me keep track. -
Good luck today. I'm sure yesterday was very frustrating for you. I would think there has to be someone on this board close to your area that has had a PS that is covered in your plan. Print off the questions I sent, that's a start. Since you are not a morning person, I'll make sure I don't call you in the mornings.
Love,
Margaret -
Hi NS,
I wish you luck today and will hope and pray you get the answers you want. As well as the PS! I am so sorry you have to be dealing with the insurance crapola on top of everything else on your plate. Nothing can be simple, right?
Let us know how you make out. We are here for you.
Jackie -
Good luck today NS. I hope you get the right answers. Sorry you're having additional stress trying to keep things quiet for your mom.
Take care. -
Dear NS,
Sh*t!! I am so sorry you have to endure this again! My prayers are with you. You are a spunky fighter!
The only thing I can say about my mastectomy is that I was very calm the day of the mastectomy. After all of my very stressful waiting, I was happy to be rid of my cancerous breast. I got an immediate expander placed during the surgery with 100 cc's of saline added, so I had a nice little "bump" to take home with me. I bought some soft pads to place in my bra on that side and I also bought disposable nursing pads which kind of filled out my mast side to be more even with my remaining breast. I wore camisoles with built in bras throughout my reconstruction--they were way more comfortable than a bra. -
NS,
You are probably done with today's appointments. I hope they went well and that you found a compassionate, intelligent and logical soul at your insurance company. My thoughts are with you. -
Knowing how sisters/brothers read things from their own minds, perhaps you can discuss this this with your mom on your own, not just from your sister. My m-i-l used to to say stuff like that using my f-i-l as the scapegoat for things She wanted done or not done.
If all else fails and you just must, you can of course have the mast and do the recon later. Sometimes it is the best course when things are not falling into place as they should. Kinda like karma is telling you something, ya know?
Please let us know how it went with the ps today and hope you remembered your questions. Hate when I forget those things. -
No surrender~~coming late to this and so sorry to see you are fighting this again! Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you! Hugs, hugs, hugs to you
-
Gina,
Was gone all day and this my first chance to come here and see how you are doing. Hope your appts. went well. The stress can really mess with your memory and ability to focus on questions you wamt to ask. Even when you take in written questions, it is hard to take in and remember all the answers. Hope you took someone with you for moral support and who can help remember what was said.
Keeping you in my prayers darlin'.
Niki
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