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finallyoverit
finallyoverit Member Posts: 382
edited September 2018 in Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY

I’ve been having a rough week.. nothing in particular happened- I’m just tired. Tired of appointments, feeling like crap, the constant “has it moved further” worry, the never ending paperwork and worry over how I’m going to pay for all of this. I know you guys get that

So, that said, I had my monthly MO appointment today. I swear, he’s become a good friend. He treated me when I was first diagnosed and was just as upset as I was when the crap came back.

I was talking to him today about how tired I am, physically and emotionally. And how I feel guilty about feeling blah because I’ve been incredibly lucky and blessed through this whole mess. Anyway, he did his best to comfort me saying that we just don’t know what’s going to happen. He told me he had the hospice talk with a 39 year old man with pancreatic cancer last Thursday; he passed away on Saturday.

Note to self: suck it up and carry on. Things could be so much worse.

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  • bigbhome
    bigbhome Member Posts: 840
    edited September 2018

    Finally - Am I wrong or does it seem as though just when we really need it, we are reminded of just how lucky we are. I know lucky is a strange word to use in regards to what is going on, but I bet that 39 year old man would say that you are lucky. A friend of mine reminded me that when I was first diagnosed with Mbc, I was told 18 - 24 months. That was over six years ago, so yes I am lucky!

    My Dh was in a horrific accident in January. We are lucky he was not killed however, it has forever changed his life forever. We are so grateful that he was not killed. Unfortunately, there was a couple in a pickup truck this morning who were in the exact type of accident, who did not survive. It jerked me right out of my "oh woes is us" mindset.

    Do we have tons of issues to deal with, hell yes! Are we lucky to still be here, hell yes! Excuse my French, but it says it best!

    Hugs and prayers,

    Claudia

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  • finallyoverit
    finallyoverit Member Posts: 382
    edited September 2018

    Claudia ~ you are absolutely right. We are reminded exactly when we need it. I really wasn’t feeling “whoa is me”.. just more of a “I’m tired of all of this crap.. tired of thinking about cancer.. tired of being ‘that girl’”.

    I bet that man would say that I’m lucky, and you know what, he would be absolutely right. I am.. my scans have been great and as my MO says I’m “at the front of the class” as far as how I’m responding to treatment. 99.9% of the people in my circle have no clue. My MO has told me before that if he passed me on the street and didn’t know, he would have no clue that I’m a stage iv cancer patient.

    Usually I’m a pretty easy going person and take this stuff in stride.. but this week I’m struggling.. I appreciate that my MO put it in perspective for me. I hate that I have to have a relationship with him, but I love that man and feel incredibly lucky to call him “my MO”.

    Hugs to all of my stage iv sister

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  • illimae
    illimae Member Posts: 5,710
    edited September 2018

    “Things could always be worse” has been my mantra for as long as I can remember. My husband, who had always been a glass half empty guy uses the term himself now and I love that it’s rubbed off on him. When diagnosed de novo at 41, I still felt lucky knowing things could be worse and when brain mets were found (which I thought would be the worst), I soon realized it wasn’t. So today I feel good and very lucky.

    I appreciate this post because although cancer is devastating, we don’t have to spend the rest of our lives in darkness.

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  • finallyoverit
    finallyoverit Member Posts: 382
    edited September 2018

    Illimae~ You are absolutely correct.. it could be so much worse. What’s that saying, “if everyone threw their problems in a pile, they would scramble to pull their own out after seeing everyone else’s?”

    It’s true, we don’t always know what others are dealing with. As I told my MO tofay (well, yesterday now), I’ll snap out of it.. just having a tough time with it this week. I’m so very grateful not only for a great response to treatment but also to have you ladies who really get it.. it’s so comforting to me to be able to talk to someone who has been in my shoes and knows the feelings first hand.

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  • pajim
    pajim Member Posts: 2,785
    edited September 2018

    We forget that in the pre-cancer days we also had weeks where we were down in the dumps, feeling totally inadequate, the weather sucks, I suck, everyone hates me, I can't get out of bed in the morning. . .

    It's just that now all of that is bound up with having cancer and it's hard to separate it from the disease. Because of course it's always the disease's fault, LOL. And sometimes (often!!!) it really is the cancer's fault.

    I hope your week improves. And I hope your oncologist's week improves. I promise it's no fun having a patient die on you, even when you know it's going to happen.

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  • MuddlingThrough
    MuddlingThrough Member Posts: 726
    edited September 2018

    finallyoverit, I could have written your first paragraph word for word today.

    I am very sad for that young man who died from pancreatic cancer. I truly hate cancer especially when it affects children and young people.

    I am "lucky" and I'm better than I was at dx, but something this week really has me down. Maybe it's the earlier sunsets? I don't know. I'll probably turn around but I'm so tired of being tired and hurting.

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  • finallyoverit
    finallyoverit Member Posts: 382
    edited September 2018

    Muddling~ maybe that’s it.. the earlier sunsets. I just haven’t felt myself this week. Hoping it will pass soon for both of us.


    Pajim~ you’re right.. I probably did have these off weeks before.. they just seem more intense now, which i guess makes sense because we have a lot more on our minds and plates now. I am appreciative that there are great treatments out there and that I have access to them, because I know there are those out there that don’t. I don’t take that for granted. I just need to remind myself to stay in the “now” and not think about how this will go on for the rest of my life.. the appts, the needle pokes, the meds and side effects.. just allof it. <sigh>

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