Can people share their coping techniques?

I don’t think I will ever accept this but am in a relatively good place day to day. Not at peace - and not seeking to be at peace - but do find myself enjoying things and occasional moments where I forget I have an awful prognosis. Having a diversion - something that brings you joy in spite of having this disease can help. Everyone’s diversion can be something different. For some, if there is some aspect of your life where people don’t know you have Stage 4 and treat you like a “normal” person, that can help (although that doesn’t avoid people’s complaints about mild or temporary problems).

Also, if you have spent the whole time since dx staying afloat and fighting to do all the right things, maybe you need to stop fighting to cope and take some time to personally grieve this whole terrible, terrible situation we are in and let yourself feel the low without trying to snap out of it. Let yourself feel all of the anger, sadness, resentment, fear, shock or whatever else you are feeling. In most cases, going through that low place will help you eventually get to a better place.

I would also recommend Wellbutrin, which addresses the low energy and physical depression that comes along with overall depression. It really helps with depression and/or treatment-related fatigue, even for someone who is not depressed.

Juls4, I am glad you reached out for advice. About six months into my diagnosis of stage iv bc, I was trying different meds for depression to no avail, but I figured out I was actually suffering from anxiety! My pcp was able to prescribe the right medicine and it helped in a way that nothing else would. No amount of meditating, prayer or exercise could take the edge off what I felt. Now I still get a wave of anxiety maybe even every day, but the meds make it easier to push it away.

I have learned to become aware of when that anxious feeling tries to creep up and I ask myself what is triggering it. Is it a song I am listening to, a tv show, a certain thought I'm having? I will change the music, or show, or if it is my own thoughts, I make myself get up and go do something whether it is get a drink, throw some laundry in the wash, whatever. So the meds, definitely. And then the tuning in to how I am feeling and not allowing myself to sink into the anxiety by taking action to change my thoughts.

I have found it beneficial to read books by other people who have difficult health situations, or even life situations like loss of children, death of spouse. I draw strength from reading how they make it through tough times. I also like to read autobiographies of Olympic athletes because they have learned to train the brain to be mentally tough, and I draw inspiration from things they have had to overcome to make it to the top of their sport.

Another coping mechanism: plan something for the future that you look forward to. Plan for a week out, and a month out. Do what you really truly want to do. Also, get out of your comfort zone and spend just a little more money if you have to in order to do something you really want to do, like take in a concert. No need to break the bank, but you can treat yourself and feel good about it. So plan to see a movie or go shopping or a nice drive to see beautiful scenery. Plan an overnight trip. Then get busy making plans. This kind of activity gets your mind thinking above the cancer issue and gives your mind a break. Try to see your situation as living with metastatic breast cancer and not dying from it.

Do something new every week you have never done before. Yep. Once a week. It is called an artist's date. Try a new restaurant. Make a new recipe. Go to a store you have never been to, or a theater you've never been, or listen to music you have never listened to before. Drive to a place you've never gone before, or a different neighborhood, try a new kind if drink...you get the picture. You need new experiences to give you new thoughts and once you start doing something new, every week, you will get addicted to it in a good way and seek our more new adventures.

I also want to say, it is okay to hate people who have their health. It is okay to hate those who want to get all perky and positive about how things really couldnt be that bad. Hey, they have no ****-ing idea what you are feeling. So embrace your feelings, accept that you feel like that. Of course, you do not want to lash out at anyone, but you do not have to spend time with that type person when you don't want to be around them. You are still grieving a life you wanted but was taken. Work through it by allowing yourself the feelings rather than thinking there is something wrong with you. I have been and still am to a degree jealous of others' happy go lucky-ness. It's okay.

Lastly, journal. Write three pages every morning or when you can. Just anything you think of or want to put down. No one ever needs to see your pages. It helps you figure things out, and I have journaled on and off throughout my adult life and find it theraputic.

My best wishes to you.

I am so sorry you find yourself in this hard place. I am confident that the advice given by the ladies will go a long way in helping you on this journey. For myself, I can honestly say my sole coping technique is my faith in God. And I am not trying to sound super spiritual, it is just how it is. If it wasn't for the knowledge that I belong to Him and that He holds my destiny in His loving hands, then I would have disintegrated already. I was born and raised in Africa, and here there is a very thin line between the natural and the supernatural, mainly because for most people life is a daily battle for survival. So in a way it becomes easier to accept the 'hard' as part of life. And they fight the hard with a deep deep joy that is not based on circumstances, but on faith. This is my prayer for you... The LORD bless you and keep you, the LORD make his face shine upon you, and give you peace xx

did any of you try alternate therapies? I heard people who go for integrative therapies like vitamin C IV, supplements, coffee enemas can do bette