atheist...what do do with thoughts-and-prayers

Patsy - I’m an atheist and have been hearing the prayer thing for years. My reply is usually ‘thank you’. I don’t feel the need to expand and I get you when you say it doesn’t seem polite to respond any other way. I’d feel I was being ungrateful to expand, it’s actually unnecessary when you think about it. I walk away being thankful that someone has me in their heart. That’s always a good thing.

"Thank you." Whatever your beliefs, people are letting you know they are wishing for your well-being.

That said, if people I actually have relationships with persist and expand on this theme (going to heaven, trust in god, angels looking over me, etc.), I will articulate my own beliefs. I don't want to get into an argument, but I also don't want to appear to agree and so set myself up for more of it, since I find it tiring and offensive even if well-intended.

Here is how I have changed my thinking on religious well wishes, regardless of my own beliefs. I work in family law in an area that is greatly divergent as to country of origin and religious beliefs (Christian, Muslim, Jewish, etc.) I work with clients who, for all intents and purposes, have been in marriages that in this day and age are still "arranged." I have been invited to clients' houses for Christmas to thank us for helping them & theit children. This is a very different situation than dealing with a family member who knows your beliefs and chooses to ignore them

It's really no different than when an atheist sends "positive energy" or "healing wishes" to a Christian - when it's meant sincerely you say Thank You and move on. That's how we show respect for people who may be different than ourselves. Although you don't believe that someone's prayers will help you, their prayers won't hurt you, so why get upset over it?

It may come as a surprise to non-Christians that are there are many different religions within Christianity, with different beliefs and practices. My SIL is a Catholic who attends church 2x week, she lit a candle and said a prayer for me to St. Peregrine. I was raised Episcopal, we don't believe in praying to saints so this would be an absolute no-no. But I recognized it is as a sincere heart-felt gesture from her, according to her beliefs. I was grateful and thanked her for it.

My friends come from so many different backgrounds (ethnic, religious, cultural), unless we all start wearing labels on our foreheads how is anyone to keep it all straight? I even have one Jewish friend who became a Catholic and honors both faiths! I love all my friends for who they are, not for whether or not they pray to a god. As long as their faith, or lack of faith, doesn't intentionally cause me harm, it's all good.

I am a believer in G-d, but I am not a Christian. The vast majority of people who say they will pray for me or "lift me up in prayer" are Christian. I usually just say, "Thank you." If they push it further, say they want to add me to a prayer list in church, I explain that I am Jewish and i am not comfortable asking to be healed in the name of Christ. Most people are quite nice, though a few have asked if I wanted to learn about Christ. Again, a polite "No thank you " usually works. I am happy to discuss my beliefs, but not comfortable when Christians try to "save" me (I'm not sure what I'm being saved from). Anyway, a nice thank you is often enough.

PS: There is a Jewish prayer for healing, Misheberach.

JVP,

I don't people who say they'll pray for you want anything in return. I think they are just being kind in a way that is familiar to them, If they know it has no meaning or value to you, it would be nice if they remembered that, but I don't think they're looking for anything in return.

Rosabella, why the tude on pinktober?

:

i was teasing you. You accused someone of having a “tude” for having a different opinion on being offered prayers but then criticized those who like pinktober when you don’t.

Poor delivery on my part

Great question Patsy, made me think about what I would say because I know I will be confronted by this sooner or later.

I believe these people really want to help and send you their friendship or love. THEY feel empowered by prayer, whereas we, as atheist see no value in it.

If I get the opportunity, it think I will say, thank you for caring, please pray science finds a cure.

Jackie

Rosabella - some of your comments veer into being disrespectful of atheists. If you're agnostic, that's your thing. Atheism is the position that there are no deities and to say "no one knows" is dismissive of our beliefs.

Also, many religious people DO intend to convert people. I know a lot of evangelical Christians and their motivations are very much to bring us closer to Christ and to help us see Jesus. I know for a fact that many plan their encounters and what they'll say because they definitely are hoping to convert us and view the crisis as an opportunity. I have seen the conversations from the other side - where they share with each other how hard they're trying to bring a friend to Jesus or celebrating that they succeeded and that someone has agreed to come to a church or read the bible with them etc. I think people who believe the only path to salvation is through their religion are genuinely trying to get people to see it...

I know religious people of many faiths because I live in a very diverse area so I've had prayers in many faiths and traditions offered to me. Again, I personally just say "thank you; I am an atheist but thank you". I agree that we can politely accept that someone is offering something that is valuable to them.

In my neck of the woods in the ultraliberal San Francisco Bay area and silicon valley, people pride themselves on their atheism, and it is acceptable or even cool to make fun of Christians in casual conversations, on local private discussion lists, and at cocktail parties (interestingly, that is the only religion it is cool to make fun of, and they typically do not like the liberal progressive Bill Maher when he also mocks Muslims and other religions).

It is so common that a TV comedy show called “Silicon Valley" (which tracks adventures of characters in a startup company), had an episode goofing on how it is so horrible to be a Christian around here that even a gay Christian had to stay in the closet, and his “outing" led to jeopardizing of venture capital funding.

Almost everyone here fancies themself to be rational and living life based on science and reason ( unless they are into new age stuff), as do I, but when pressed none can tell me what came before the Big Bang, they just know for sure that anyone who believes it was God is uncool, trouble and should be shunned and ostracized, even if they have a PhD in physics.

So, I was surprised when I got so many private comments sent to me after my BC diagnosis secretly telling me they were praying for me and who said they put in special blessings for me at their churches, sometimes with “I hope you are not offended by this" qualifiers as they had no clue what my faith is (but assumed, correctly, I have none). They are hiding in the closet the same way gays used to, and still do in some places.

I simply thanked them, as I know they sincerely mean well for me. I did not feel the need to proudly snap back about my atheism.

There is also a saying about atheists in a foxhole. With BC and all my other issues, I cannot prove their prayers will do no good, and doubt they will do harm, just as they cannot prove they will help. I need all the help I can get right now, which mostly involves modern medicine, but as I sit in my BC foxhole, as an atheist since age 12 and back when it was not accepted much less stylish to be one publicly, I will continue to welcome anything that helps me cope. Knowing people care enough to pray for me helps me cope, so their prayers, logically useless, are still welcome.

I even say thank you to those who don't mean well. :-) Those (mostly in my family) who assume they are better people for believing in a god or pat themselves on the back for being holy (holier than thou in my sister's case).

I totally understand how it can be annoying to some and don't fault anyone for having a different take on it. I have experienced Christian like Christians and appreciate their intentions and I have experienced others.

I have learned over the years to just say thank you. People don’t always know what to say. There are worse things people can say to you regarding you’re cancer, believe me. I’m basically an atheist, although I am Jewish and I identify that way, but i still figure..with all of the the people praying for me, maybe it’ll just send some positive energy toward me. Why not ? Nothing to lose.

Sunset

I believe in the 'power' of prayer so I simply say "thank you" even though I am an Athiest/Pagan. I believe that prayers are energy(thoughts are energy) and anything can be helpful. I believe that prayer can be palpable (as energy) as I have felt it. I appreciate prayers from anyone as it is (usually) meant in a positive way. Who am I to squash someone else's beliefs? We should all be gracious. (IMO)