POSITIVE attitude??

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peculiargirl
peculiargirl Member Posts: 68
edited April 2018 in Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY

2 days after my 2-year cancer free anniversary, a CT scan revealed tumors in my rib cage. RO ordered 10 fractions - then discovered another tumor on the other side of my rib cage and one in my spine - so I'll do 10 more fractions after these. Last week a head MRI found some cancer in the skull bone, but none in my brain. Insurance denied a PET scan, so Friday I'll have 2 CTs and a total body Nuclear scan. RO told me today that MO will use those results to determine where to biopsy, which will help him determine next step/chemo.

Wow. Really?? I feel terrific. Some nagging pain in my sides because the tumors have cracked some ribs. The diagnosis has totally blown me out of the water........I thought I was healthy. My previous experience with Chemo and Rads wasn't horrible - not pleasant by any means, but not horrible. I had to have a couple of blood transfusions, but wasn't ever hospitalized. Lost my hair but not my nails, and my hair grew back. My eyebrows never did, so I had them tattoo'd. I got busy and started working out and eating right and lost a ton of weight - I really thought I was the poster child for beating breast cancer.

Now this. I know a positive attitude will go a long way in helping me live with stage IV metastatic breast cancer. I'm just really struggling to find that positive attitude. Still doing a couple miles on the treadmill every morning, still eating reasonably sensibly, but struggling to see the point anymore. Any suggestions? Thanks,

Kathy

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  • Piggy99
    Piggy99 Member Posts: 229
    edited April 2018

    Peculiargirl, you don't need to have a positive attitude right now. Right now you've been hit with the news that your worst nightmare as an earlier stage survivor has just come true. It takes time to deal with this sort of news, and crying, being angry, sleeping to forget, eating icecream and binge-watching Netflix to quiet that scared voice in your head for a couple of hours are all valid responses. Hopefully your CT and PET scans come back clear and you're looking at bone-only mets, but even if they don't, the doctors have a lot of options to get the disease under control and give you many more good years.

    Most studies show that a positive attitude won't help you live longer, but it would probably help you live better. But you can't force a positive attitude, and putting one on for others won't do you any good. At some point the shock will wear off, and your mind will get tired of going back to the pain of the diagnosis and will want to visit some happier places, but it won't happen overnight. You'll slowly feel better once you have a treatment in place and realize that the mets are not going to kill you tomorrow, or next week, or next month and most likely not next year either. Having an active lifestyle and a healthy diet will help with the side effects from the treatments, so your hard work over the past two years is not wasted.

    Welcome to the special club nobody wants to join - you'll find lots of support and encouragement here.

    Hugs

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  • illimae
    illimae Member Posts: 5,710
    edited April 2018

    peculiargirl, this news hits hard for sure but one can live fairly long and well, especially with bone mets, so if you’re struggling to see the point, there it is. Fortunately for me, I am naturally a positive person but it sure does make treatment easier and the days more enjoyable. Like this first time with cancer, you’ll probably feel better and more in control one you have the plan in place. Good luck.

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  • dawny
    dawny Member Posts: 1,126
    edited April 2018

    Hi peculiargirl, I absolutely agree with remembering that you don't need to have a positive attitude all of the time, it is ok to have a crappy attitude sometimes too! Feel what you feel, not how others say you must feel. You are the one going through this, there will be all sorts of emotions to deal with. I really struggled at the beginning, and took anti depressants, which helped me immensely. In a few weeks, I will be marking my 7th anniversary since being diagnosed at Stage IV. I am currently NED.

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  • peculiargirl
    peculiargirl Member Posts: 68
    edited April 2018

    Thanks everyone. Sorry about the "poor me" post yesterday -- it was just a bad day. Had my 2nd radiation this morning, and it went much better than yesterday. 2 down, 18 to go! :) Took a benadryl last night and finally got some sleep, which sure makes a difference!

    Kathy

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  • DivineMrsM
    DivineMrsM Member Posts: 9,620
    edited April 2018

    peculiargirl, its good to examine your feelings, to “feel”your feelings whatever they may be. You have had a kick in the gut and now your life is on a different trajectory. It takes time to adjust, and it is also normal to grieve for the future you had in mind that is being replaced with...well, you don’t know quite yet. It takes awhile for your mind to shift into a different gear.

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