INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours
Comments
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runor welcome here, chickie, you are normal even though you feel abnormal. Your statement " I have stuff on my mind that is much worse than what's in that can of Coke for keeping me awake! I am deeply ashamed to admit that I am still stuck here, a year later. I should be doing better. Should be living life. Should be past this. Should be in bed. Should, should, should. But I'm not. If this makes me an insomniac, then your numbers have grown by one."
Sweetie, your abnormally completely normal. Or normally completely abnormal. We all are in the Alice in Wonderland Rabbit Hole. Forever feeling like we are falling.
Cancer changes our thoughts of everything. Nothing after the beginning will ever be the same.
BUT and another BUT........YOU can control the fall. we each manage it in a different way. So, many different ways. Me I prayed a lot in the early days. I went on different threads. The key for me was reaching out.
Your reaching out " I should be doing better. Should be living life. Should be past this."
Young one, the drugs we take to get pasted this are horrible to the body. We make choices about life quality and life. So, track what these drugs do to your physical life, then make a choices. Then add other drugs that may help you tolerate the drugs you are using.
As you read on the pages of BCO you will ultimately decide things. that are good for you.
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Bluebird _ESSA Okay YAY Whoopeee hoot and hoo. whippe yadodo
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In the early days when this was truly a insomniacs place. Sometimes, I could come here and no one would be here. Then I would just talk. Whatever, the need was, b/c I just needed to talk. I needed a release.
It was wonderful if someone showed up, or if I showed up when some one else was here.
Another great fun thing was we met the Aussies and the Aucklanders. They don't come any more. See, it was there daytime.
May be I'll send a request to the few I know and they can invite others.
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Sas-schatzi, you bring up something for which I feel a deep gratitude. It's to those people who came here at the start of their journey but have stayed, for the long haul, to offer wisdom, hope and context to those of us who came after them. People come to these boards when they are terrified, in desperate need. They reach out, find what they need, and then, god willing, they move on a point in their lives where this is behind them and they step out of the shadow into the light. I envy them.
BUT .... a foundation is established by committed individuals who make, for their own reasons, a long term commitment. You, Sas-schatzi, with nineteen thousand posts. NINETEEN THOUSAND! I bow in honour of the work you have done, the time you have spent, the love of others you have shown by staying and being a ray of hope.
I look at bios. I see progression. I will read a post and sometimes check to see when that poster was last seen. If it was recent I send out a little prayer of thanks, hooray, they're still going! I cheer everyone on - you go girl (and our guys too!). But when I see a name that has not been on for some time I hope they are off living their life but I also feel a coldness in the pit of my stomach. Please, no. Wherever you are, please be alright.
Yes. Down the rabbit hole. I know I will find my footing again. I believe that. But not now. Not yet. Too new. So I come here and really what I look for is hope. Same thing everyone else is looking for. Hope and a way forward into whatever the outcome will be. Hope is provided by people who have made it worth their while to stick around for as many posts as you have. We all give what we can, what is our part to give. But to you I would express gratitude for the rock solid stones of foundation you and others like you have left for the rest of us. Thank you.
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Ooh I need the Clear Brain product! The other day DD2 found the yogurt I left in the pantry right next to the cereals. It was in there overnight. I put it back in the fridge and ate it after a few hours. Tasted fine. I haven’t burned anything the last few weeks, but did manage to baptize the cabinet near the sink because I walked away to do something and left the filtered water running pass the cup brim for a several minutes! Oy!
Welcome Runor! I don’t have insomnia. Just like to stay up late and can’t get up in the morning. This place is my escape in a way.
Blue, I picture you as a deep thinker. A special, but eccentric ( I meant it as a compliment) lady. Who keeps skunks as pets????
Ok, my friend just texted me. Got to go. Hello my other friends.
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Runor, Oh my that's a wonderful thought. BCO has from the beginning been my solace. I blundered in the beginning because I had no clue . It took awhile to understand things. Then the nursing thing kicked in.
I found the Catholic thread and I organized novena's for awhile. But then I realized it wasn't working. I was working and well..... that's n old story.
As time went on, I understood about the difference between social threads a what I call working threads. Insomniacs was a social/working thread. Different because it combined both needs. Constipation thread was a working thread, Pain and Other Things, Just Diagnosed -Get Prepared. Others. I then referred to them as housekeeping threads. Maybe a strange name. But I was retired. I would sign on and want to come to my social thread, but I would check on Technical/Housekeeping threads and some times it would be hours and hours answering questions or research. It was okay until I realized it wasn't okay. Then I would take a break.
Runor what is the worst is I know that our medical system fails us more than people know. I learned that as a young nurse. I then studied so hard after being licensed as a nurse, to make sure that the orders that the docs gave me wouldn't hurt my patients. One example, in the 70's with out all the pre details, I identified that a drug instruction for a pacemaker implant emergency drug was 10,000 mgs over dosage as the emergency drug. Even the cardiac surgeon had to think about it. DUH. I rewrote the work card for that procedure. It's just a example.
Life has been that way. That's why I'm here for questions. on the housekeeping threads. If I haven't got an answer , I'll look. One recent question from a guy in Bosnia about his wife, showed that the premier producerer and genetic thingy for a drug should not have been used on his wife. IT was awful. He never wrote back, but I'm thinking she died.
Anywhooses. Why, I fear for my self and others about our care so I work on the housekeeping threads or the research threads. I like to play on my social thread which is Insomniacs. Other threads that I have created like Steam Room, I don't go to, at least not now. Steam Room is very important, Very. I created for a person that needed to rant. BCO had no place to Rant then.
Hugs runor
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OMG KATHY, The damn mulberry tree that I had to walk past every day with the fruit squishhing under my shoes. One day a bird pooped on the top of my head. I had to go home and wash my hair. Obviously missed the bus. Was late to school. The nun was disbelieving of the story
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http://wjla.com/features/7-on-your-side/fda-to-inv...
https://www.fda.gov/AnimalVeterinary/SafetyHealth/...
Aaaaaaaaaaiiiiiieerreee!
lost looong post grrrr.
please share pet food recalls!
Love to all.... back later!
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Thanks for the update on recalls, Shepkitty. I buy USA and organic in hopes of problems but still have to watch.
MOMMYOF2 - Post the picture!! What book?
Mulberry trees - Hubby thinks of them as crap trees and wants to whack them off and nail copper nails in the trunk base to kill them. To no avail. They are bird food and make for lovely purple poop though. I made a mulberry tart when I was 12. Of interest is the tomato worms caterpillars will eat tomato plants but they will also eat mulberry leaves. So this is where we take our tomato worms to flourish and become these pretty moths. Hawk or sphinx moth. Otherwise known as hummingbird moth. They are prolific nighttime pollinators. Moral of the story - tomato worms are good - take them to the mulberry trees. Or plant an extra tomato section for them to eat there. I'll shut up now. : )
Sas - oh the parties of Fuzzy's romp room. Chicken parties! Leaving confetti at the end.I am glad you started this thread.
Today I had lunch with a dear dear friend. We have both been so ill for the last year we have only spoken on the phone. Missed her so much! She and I have been through a lot together in so many ways. I remembered today that my real time friends in life where we sit and talk are capable of deep conversations with me of nothing surface. It's not so much how are you doing and what did the doctor say. It is how do you feel about dying? Do you care if you survive? When and where will we meet again if we can? They will say something like I believe my soul will go on. What do you think, how do you feel. And not ask in order to change my beliefs butto understand. I love deep love and conflict. I have a few other friends I want to re-connect with that I lost when I got too sick to even talk and now I am ready again, soon.
Runor - you will be gentle with your expectations of yourself, okay? You got through one haul w this and then had another to face headon. It is alive and well in the forefront of your mind now just like before when this started.
LoverofLife - Deep thinker? Yes. I wrote a novel that was just that. A woman who did not want to be a deep thinker but was and she was touched with gifts she would not deliver to the world too. Somewhere in there is me, the all of me, buried in my denial and avoidance. There were skunks and Newfoundlands and gatherings of friends and magic worlds. Very deep. I loaned the book to a friend who I think never took time to read it and I never got it back. hmmm. I miss it. Think I will order it. If I ask for it back and find out she tossed or lost it I may not forgive that action. Don't need the stress.
Today is the day I give up stress. One hour at a time?
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Blue, isn't it wonderful when you have a friend you can have deep conversations with? One who doesn't judge you and loves you for the way you are? I know you don't like the word blessing, but to me it is a blessing...a gift.
What is the title of the book you loaned to this other friend of yours? I would love to read it.
It's 10 am, sunny and beautiful outside. Much to do around the house as I worked extra the past two weeks. Had my cup of green tea yet I am still sluggish and sleepy. Don't like days this when my body is not in sync. DD2 is down with a viral infection. The poor kid get sick so easily the last few months.
I like your " Today is the day I give up stress." Wish I know how to balance that idea and rest when I need to. Right now I want to crawl back into bed and sleep. I need a housekeeper.
Shep and Junie, don't you hate it when you lose a long post? Happened to me several times. Must be a BCO glitch. Now I am curious what you wanted to say.
Shep, Travis is too purty for me. Pretty eyes though.
Mommy, yes! Picture.
Kath, did you know that Ginkgo nuts are edible? Singaporean folks put them in desserts.
I have tried them and they are pretty good (says the person who eats beef tendons and fish eyes). Actually, the nuts are good. No stinky smells. Nice texture.
Phew, almost lost the post.
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Blue- I first looked at that pic and thought that it was a hummingbird, but realized there was no beak. I didn't know that the worms on tomato plants turn into this. Interesting.
I signed up for emails from a group that sends out notices on pet food recalls and there was a recall earlier last week for a brand of Bully Sticks that are manufactured in Long Beach, CA. for Salmonella Bacteria.
Loverly - You are brave to eat a yogurt that has been sitting unrefrigerated for so long. So glad you didn't experience any bad effects. By the way I did buy a piece of Ginger yesterday, plus I found a box of the Raspberry/Hibiscus tea I told you about too.
Well, the steroid has calmed down the spinal nerve coming from my lumbar spine, but I know once I stop it the pain will return. I'm still waiting to hear from the neurosurgeon. Along with the fractured vertebrae, etc. I came down with a respiratory infection, but the antibiotics are working on that. So this morning I feel ready to get Kirby back home. I am so grateful I have someone I can call to care for him when needed.
It is 48 degrees here today and overcast/drizzily etc. A good day to possibly do some sewing. We'll see.
Ok, off to make breakfast. Catch you all later.
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Oh Lover, you’re a stinker for posting the pictures. I did know the nuts are edible but can’t imagine anyone harvesting them. The city came one year, I was in second grade, and shook the fruits out because they didn’t spray in time. Oh my, they were several inches deep. It did get the misery of dealing with them over with quicker. Only time they did that. The trees date bake over 200 million years.
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Will get a picture of it up in the next few days. Been fighting a nasty stomach bug the last couple of days, today was the first day I could eat normal food.
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Lover, what is the texture? The photo of the bowl looks like something I've eaten in a restaurant. SIL is Asian, so we eat at a lot of Chinese restaurants.
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Once again awake all night despite sleepers etc. it’s 7 am and I just took a Xanax and finally am starting to go to sleep. I want to sleep when the world is sleeping and be awake during the day. It really irritates me
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Question for those in colder climates: It's lightly snowing here with low temps predicted way below freezing. We have daffodils in bloom and in bud and a hellebore in full bloom. Will the freeze kill these plants and destroy the flowers? I could pick the daffodils if they're going to die. They're as far along as you see at the store.
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Wren, I've had daffodils in bloom and bud during snow season. Mine did well. The last time it happened if I remember correctly, the snow covered about half way up the plants. I noticed, in general, the blooms prefer cooler temps over hot one.
Edited to add: If there is considerable snow and the sun is harsh afterward, the reflection off the snow and the sun itself might cause a problem. I’ve taken sunburns when I was out shoving snow fro the sun reflecting off of it.
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Thanks Kath.
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Poor you Mommyof2, hope you are feeling better soon.
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LoverofLife - I will PM you. And sorry but that stuff looks nasty to me. I will stick w Scottish oatmeal. Peaches on the side
Yesterday made veggie cabbage soup but the tomatoes made it sour beyond anything I ever had w this so had to take those out, add more boxed broth, add cane sugar and salt and garlic powder. Seems tamed down. Will make stewed tomatoes w bagels out of tomatoes Hubby forked out. Going to try the soup now.
I have given up meat for now. It just makes me disgusted. Shrimp and such don't but just gave it all up for now. I cannot eat much lately and stomach is not happy lately. Was better. I thought everything was getting better. Plateaued then diving right now.
Late last night I had thinly sliced everything bagel toasted w cream cheese on it. I don't like to eat much hormone stuff, but it went down. After I couldn't eat the soup or anything else except canned organic fruit here and there.
I did have a one degree temp, but don't think I am "sick" though I actually do hope so. Cancer acting up or sick? I will take the sick.
Mommyof2 - get well, be well.
I am sorry to say I cried almost all day yesterday, just felt that miserable. And when we watched the movie Megan Leady that set me off at the middle to end and I cried for two hours these real tears, real ones. My tear ducts are working again. Xeloda put the lupus and Sjogrens in remission and still there. Hubby rubbed my back and that helped me get my bearings.
Junie - coughing w a fractured vertebrae has to be miserable w or w/o the steroids. Gentle hugs.
LOSING POSTS - For me on the computer I can use back arrow and it goes back to my post, all still written. Hope that helps someone.
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Hi Ladies
Been away for awhile. Love this " Vegas type forum". I'm getting my exchange surgery on my left breast next Monday, the 26th. Bye, bye damn tissue expander😬😬😬. Been there almost a year. I have posted on another thread, but I wanted to see if any of you ladies have had the exact scenario I had. I chose only a unilateral mascectomy, as the onco didn't think I needed to remove the healthy right breast. A tissue expander was put in, then after healing the PS expanded to the right size. Then, radiation, and had to wait six months. So, I'm having a silicone implant put in place of my expander. Also, my other breast will be lifted to match.
When my PS lifts the healthy breast, she will take away some of my areola. Also, she will reduce the breast a little. All my life, I had my right breast bigger than my left. I was so self concious. On the bright side, never did hurt my sex life. Lol. Now back on topic.
Have any of you had an implant in one breast, and reconstruction on the healthy breast? Also, did any of you have a 3D tattoo put on? How long is the surgery? Will there be pain with reconstruction? Very nervous. Thanks ladies.
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Goodmorning Ladies,
Just want to share these pics of my baby boy. We are getting snow here today and most of the week apparently. Kirby has been at his trainers being boarded for the past 10 days and she sent me pics of the Kirbster running his heart out in the snow at her place. It really brightened my day! He is coming home in the morning. Yay!
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Blue - The fracture is in L3, so my coughing doesn't seem to be affecting that. However, the longer I am on my feet the pressure of my upper spine pushing down really flares the nerve that is getting pinched and increases the pain/weakness in my right leg.
Since it is a holiday today the local buses are not running, so I am stuck at home. I had planned on seeing the movie "Black Panther" with a friend today until we remembered the holiday. Blah!
jaymeb - My scenario was not precisely like yours, but I had my mastectomy at age 31 and a tissue expander was placed immediately after the mastectomy, so all in one surgery. I had the expander in for 2 years, then my body rejected it and I ended up needing it removed, so I had a TRAM Flap done. The up side of my situation was that when the PS did the TRAM there was already enough skin for the pocket and he didn't have to do a skin graft. So now 25 years later, the reconstruction is still doing well.
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Blue, Julie, Sas, and the rest of you incredible women
I owe you women a big apology. I just realized some of you are in Stage 4. How stupid am I?
As I mentioned before, when I start posting on a thread, I read from the beginning to get to know all the ladies, and what is going on. This is the only thread I didn't do that. I saw how extremely busy it is, and couldn't keep up. So, I just jumped in, and talked about my issues. I've spent some time this afternoon truly reading the posts. Now, I have more clarity. I have been so selfish, and I'm sorry to all.
Blu, you have a great attitude, and so full of life. I enjoy these pics of your pets. Now, the skunk, hmmm🤔🤔🤔. If you're up to it, I would love to know how you got so invested in so many animals. My daughter and I are very much animal lovers. We have a two bedroom apartment with two cats. Reece is 15, and is begging for another cat, and a dog!!!! And who do you think takes care of them???? Me!!!! I'm a divorced Mom, and just can't afford a lot of animals. My daughter is very different than me. I'm very girly, and prissy. She hates make up, and dresses. Very much an independent, earthy girl. However, she talks a lot, and very fast like me.
I live in fear of a reoccurance everyday. One reason I'm up all night. She is what keeps me going. I have to be strong for her, especially since she's an only child. Her dad and I get along great, and I could not ask for a better father. He was right there with me through my cancer journey. I still wish we were married. You, and your husband seem so close. I envy you ladies that have great husbands. I've been horrified of husbands who leave their spouses, because they couldn't handle it. Assholes!!!!
I'm so sorry you've been in so much pain, and you are facing whatever will happen. The urn is beautiful. I hope I'm not being insensitive, but were you diagnosed with Stage 4 at initial diagnosis, because it's rare. How many children do you have, and what ages? Any grands? I do believe the power of the mind does help with coping and longevity.
Junie
I see you were diagnosed years ago in 1991. Wow, and 23 years later, it comes back. From what I understand, women can live many years with bone mets. How are you dealing with the pain? Did the radiation help? I know it's common to use radiation with that. Thanks for your feedback with the reconstruction. Very nervous about it.
Sas
I don't see your diagnosis. I was wondering about your situation. But, I know some people are private. Hope I didn't overstep. Thank you for starting this thread. Also, your smarts on all this medical stuff. I've learned more here than reading the books regarding breast cancer. I realize I still have a lot to learn. Sighhh
Beatmom
How are you feeling?
You know, with reading, and trying to educate myself on BC, it's such a mystery. How come some women are diagnosed at early Stage 0 or 1, and it comes back? Then I see later stages, and no reoccurance. I never tell people I'm cancer free. I just say I'm a BC survivor. I'm not sure if there is such a thing as being "cancer free". Those sneaky little cells can lay dormant, and pop up at anytime!!!! I'm not sure if I mentioned this, but I read somewhere that women who have had BC have a 30% of reoccurance at sometime in their life. Not sure if this is Stage 0-3 combined. Is it even accurate? We say that many throw the kitchen sink at it with chemo. I always thought chemo was a definite cure. Well, not true. Will we ever have a cure for this horrible disease???? Does the 5, or 10 year survival rates really matter?
Sorry for going on and on, I needed to get this out. Thank you ladies for your smarts, and wisdom. Especially you, Sas. I hope I can continue on this forum.
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Rumor
Ditto!!!! Everything you said is soooo true, and ONLY we sisters who have gone through this disease understand!!!!! My friends, and loved ones mean well, but than can NEVER truly understand.😬😬😬 -
Someone described cancer as double crossing the Mafia and getting away with it. You look over your shoulder from then on.
I'm glad women of all stages feel comfortable posting here.
Whatever your issues are, they're YOUR issues and you need help with them.
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Ms. Wren, the ginkgo nuts are soft (not starchy) and a bit chewy, not quite as chewy as gummy bears. They are not stink at all. Thank goodness! I didn't know the fruits smell bad. Can't imagine harvesting them. I do love how the ginkgo tree looks in the fall.
Kath, you actually shook the fruits off the trees? Hah! Can't picture a 7or 8 year old child that determined to get rid of the fruits.
Blue, how many tomatoes did you put in the cabbage soup to make it so sour that it wasn't edible? I like tomato soup with grilled cheese sandwich, but too much tomatoes give me heartburns. Canned fruits is soothing when I get a sore throat. Did you mean to say you had a 100 degree temperature? “Sick" or cancer acting up? I hope “sick".
Jaymeb, just talk away and let it out.
I had delayed recon. Unilateral mx and a small implant on the right side to match. I didn't get a lift as there was nothing there to lift. Hah! I had little pain with the exchange. Didn't have to take Norco, just Motrin. Much easier recovery compared to mastectomy or expander placement. Best wishes on your surgery. Ms. Wren is right. I am always looking over my shoulder for the ruthless “Mafia". I hope that I lost them for good and I wish the same for you too! Btw, my younger daughter will be 15 in April. Also an independent kid.
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Kirby!
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Lover, when I was seven/eight, the city sent crews out to shake the trees to get the fruit out. I was returning home from having my tonsils out. We still have a few of the older trees on the block as well as the newer ones that were planted to take the place of the females they cut down. The trees on my side of the block have electrical lines so there has been some creative pruning done to them. I'll have to take a picture of the trees when the leaves come out.
Junie, ❤️ the pictures of Kirby. We had an inch of snow on the weekend. Going to get to the 70's here the next few days.
Oops, need to send a text to DS. Just saw a report on NHK that a fighter jet had an engine fire shortly after take off from Misawa Airbase where he works. It did makeit back to base safely.
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Kath, went back and re-read your previous post. Thanks for the clarification. I should have known better not to speed read. Scary about the fire jet. Glad to hear everyone is safe. Bedtime for me. Nite nite. Good morning Feline!
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