INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours

Yes, LoverofLife - blue is my favourite colour. And neutrals, I love neutrals. If I have a red it is just a tiny bit like a few flowers in red with neutrals all around.

Sas and Lover I am glad you are still here. We need you.

Sas - that is how I feel about Hubby - I am upset about this more than anything, I will likely not be here to take care of him when he has needs like I have now. Maybe that is why I am trying to marry him off asap after I go, if I go first. In my obit I wrote I joked .... "She married ______ from _______, Pennsylvania just twenty-two days after they met in 1980. "Not the stupidest thing I have done. This marriage has proven to be a comforting journey to the end. I want him to be all right when I am gone. So I spread the rumour he is a millionaire. He has also almost learned to cook though he will probably revert to eggs and hot dogs. The couple never lived where there were not mature trees. They enjoyed auctions, flea markets, movies, Newfoundland dogs and pet skunks. Perfect match. Their daughter, Naomi Faon, was born in 1984. Much to her father's dismay, Naomi was raised on the adage that well-behaved women seldom make history. They both realized someday Naomi would fly. Fly she did, to marry musician Gavin _____ in the U.K. where both are in the care-giving field. Diane rests well, knowing her daughter is very happy."

There's more before and after.

WREN - That is so cool. My stepdad wanted her ashes to all be buried w him. She did not. So they were not spread. And he kept her urn beside his bed. Need I say more except perhaps to qualify this with he did not die for another 14 years or so. I seethe sometimes, this would do it. IF we had known what we found out after he died we would have confiscated her ashes and spread them sooner. In the end, some went in his grave but it was not my DS's idea. Some to her picnic table by the garden in the far back where she spent a lot of time alone night and day under the old hickory tree and some scattered at her family's plots in the country cemetery.

Last night I slept through and was very happy about that. Do any of us really want to be insomniacs? I dunno. But I miss you guys when I don't wake up or stop in.

Dinner is done, oh yes, appetite!

Hello to all,

Blue - That is a very pretty urn. I love the Newfie face too. Is Danny Boy a cuddler? That soleful expression on his face makes me want to just rub his ears and snuggle with him. Sorry you have such pain from the auto accident. How do you keep a positive/hopeful attitude when it gets real bad?

Loverly - Despite my feeling yucky that night, I was very glad to be able to spend the time with you, Shep & Sassy. I do feel bad that I wasn't a ball of fun to be with though. I surely hope that we will be able to try again sometime in the future.

Shep - Ellie is a cutie and the clip is adorable. I hope you're doing well.

I have been really struggling with back pain since Christmas . I've had worsening pain in my sacrum, right hip & lumbar spine. Sitting, bending, getting into/out of bed, everything has been difficult. There is weakness in my right leg as well. Both my bone scan in December and CT in January showed that my cancer is stable. But when I got up on Friday morning I couldn't stand on my right leg without it buckling and the pain was severe. So I had another trip to the ER. They did an MRI of my lumbar spine and found a fracture in L3. But despite my description of my symptoms they didn't scan my sacrum. So now I am on a steroid to calm down the spinal nerve pain, plus back to wearing my back brace. My MO sent a referral to the neurosurgeon back on February 1st, but no response yet. I am hoping that now with the fracture the neurosurgeon will be able to get me an appt. soon.

Kirby's trainer came and picked him up and is boarding him until I can function better. I had a huge pile of laundry that I had been putting off because of the pain I have been in, but thought I could get it done yesterday because of the back brace, steroid and pain meds. But thankfully a friend called yesterday morning and offered to come pick up my laundry and take it back to her house to do it for me. While I am very thankful for the help, it is hard to think of someone else dealing with my dirty laundry. Fortunately I didn't let my embarrassment let me decline her offer. She came and took the majority and I did 4 loads myself. If my friend hadn't helped me I NEVER would have gotten it all done, because by the time I was done with the 4 loads I had left, I was in SO much pain I was near tears and wanted to scream. When pain gets to that level it really messes with your head and makes me start to wonder if going through all this treatment is worth it.

Thankfully, today was a new day and I stayed in and rested and took my meds. I sure hope the neuro. can do something about the degeneration of my spine so I can get some QOL back, and Kirby can come back home.

Kathindc - You asked me a couple weeks ago about how Kirby is doing and I responded, but when I tried to submit my post it disappeared and I couldn't sit any longer to type it again. Anyway, Kirby is doing great. When he came home on Jan. 28th his trainer took us to a local park and she worked with us (more me) to get me on track so I could stay consistent with his training. A day or so after that I even texted the trainer to ask if she was sure the dog she brought back to me was really my Kirbster. It is as if he grew up and became a full adult in 5 weeks. Well at least when he has his service vest and training collar on. He has been excellent on the bus, in the doctors office, restaurant, etc. Several bus drivers have even commented on what a difference they see in him since this last round of training. However, once we get home and the vest & collar come off, there is my little puppy again, ready to run and jump and play. I really love that little boy.

Sas - I am sorry I had to cut off our conversation yesterday, but I was hurting so bad I couldn't think straight or follow the conversation any longer.

I know there are other posts I want to respond to, but my night meds are kicking in and I need to go to bed. Goodnight to all. I hope you all have a great week.

Junie, the pain sounds unbearable. Hoping it can be made manageable. Kirby had to be happy to be back with you.

Danny Boy wants to be a lap dog. Very cuddly and huggy.

Micmel, after the flu passed how long did it take for you to return to "normal" and get your strength back. Hope not too long, been wondering about you.

Oh, the fruit of the ginkgo tree! Yuk!! Growing up,the street I lived on and moved back to has ginkgo trees. The city use to spray them to prevent the fruit from forming, yay. If the spray was too late, fruit formed and dropped in the fall. Broken fruit smells like vomit. City stopped spraying over 30 years ago. My block had the female trees cut down and males planted. Several blocks in my neighborhood aren’t so lucky nor did DD2’s neighborhood in the DuPont Circle area. The last thing you want to do is step on them before getting in your car or going into your home. That smell has always prevented me from taking the ginkgo biloba supplement.

Happy as a pig in the mud!!!!!! Got to see my favorite Enlgish professor from my community college days at the book signing for the release of his second novel. He took a picture with me and hubby and signed a copy of his book for me.

Sending hugs for Valentine's day.

runor, this is only scratching the surface of the issues you raise but if it is possible, turn down the brightness of your screen at night. You probably know that it has been found that the bright LED light mimics daylight and keeps your brain awake .... HUGS.

Runor, As a former counselor, I recommend finding someone to talk to about these feelings. The oncology department may have names. People think we snap right back to our former lives, and that's often not the case. I hope you're able to nap during the day and get some sleep. We need sleep to function. I found a book once that was interesting, but the author had a hypnotic writing style. I have no idea how students stayed awake in his lectures. A couple of pages and I was sound asleep.

Am running in and out - will read later when in my TV chair and Hubby has his shows on.

SASSY - your memory is alive and well. Fuzzy's was the BOMB. So much fun. Yes, Essa. Thus the DE for Diane Essa.

Sas - I got your message - will call you soon. Cannot promise when. Tomorrow seems to be all hospice here, palliative nurse in morn, chaplain and social worker afternoon. Hubby and I will run out for lunch between. It was spread out but w the snow last week reschedules were necessary.

Runor - I come and go here. But we talk during the day too.

Back later or soon.