Grumphy McAsshole feelings re: my rads team. And you?

Lol- thank you! The small talk threw me at first, and on days I was feeling really crappy I just shook my head at them and they stopped.The doc asked me when I finished rads if I wanted to ring the bell. I’m like No, I’m not gonna celebrate having cancer! But at least my techs always offered me a heated blanket.

lol, today they were playing “staying alive “ during mine , ugh

i am finished with my radiation therapy thank God!! my first experience first day was. I shared with the Rad tech I was feeling unsure about getting radiation in the first place. I was nervous of the side effects and of course I still have to work and am the main money maker in my household. Her response." well its a little late in the game to back out now." which of course thoroughly pissed me off. I informed her it was my body and I would do as i please. Really all I wanted was a little kindness. Instead for the next 16 treatments I got the cold shoulder, I have never experienced such callus uncaring people. Ii am so glad it is over.

My tech were nice, but I had problems with the radiation oncologist. My first "skin check" involved her asking me how I was doing in passing in the hallway. I didn't realize that was my "appointment" with her so it never went further than pleasantries. I had to fight to get face time with her the rest of the 6 weeks, and probably came across as a b**** doing so. But seriously, how can you bill insurance for small talk in the hallway and sleep at night....?! I was told that my appointment time was scheduled during her lunch break. And this was my problem....how exactly?!

hi scaligirl

Love spooky and would've loved to bring my choc lab Vince with me to treatment but could'nt

My rad techs were very good. One male one female both had decades of experience I got lucky in that regard

T

This was over 7 years for me now, but I still have very bad feelings about radiation. Part of it is because I think there's a professional oath radiation oncologists and techs must take to completely block out how much the treatment F's up the innocent tissues in the path of the beam. We don't even have the worst of it - find a few guys who had radiation for prostate cancer and suffer from the permanent bowel side effects that can cause.

There's a difference between honestly asking a person how they are doing in terms of the horribly damaging treatment they are receiving, and babbling it out by rote. They don't have to be nasty to make a person feel like a burger going on the grill.

I hated radiation. Hated knowing I was doing that much unfocused damage to part of my body. Hated the shallowly-nice techs. Hated the damn bell. Hell no I did not celebrate when I finished permanently scarring - from skin on my chest through to skin on my back - that entire section of my body.

My experience with rads began when an intern handed me a marketing brochure during my initial consult. Lord help me! Just answer my questions and keep the brochure with the smiley faces for now, sir.

The rad onc I saw was very talented and overworked. I literally had to BEG her to return my call when deciding to do full or partial rads. My MO tried her and she ignored him, as he suspected she would. Her rep is that she is brilliant and a beyotch. She has since moved on to another leading hospital, so she may have been in a less than ideal place. She did help me, and I am grateful. I no longer focus on how I felt having to work so hard to get her attention when important decisions needed to be made. The last time I saw her, I told her how I felt - vulnerable and terrified - and that I appreciated the help but needed more from her. She understood. Not long after, I saw a woman RUN to her and hug her and said she was NED. She has to be around 21 years old. I think I began to understand what a hard job she had, and that she had the world on her shoulders.

As for the techs, I arrived first day around 11am and the waiting room was full. People were in every stage of disease - many clearly suffering. My reaction was to wish to RUN as fast as I could out of there. I could not understand why God would allow this level of suffering. So many beautiful people suffering. I was still reeling from diagnosis, had lost my job before the diagnosis ....I was thoroughly and deeply frightened.

The lead tech called me in and told me that she thought I looked both afraid and somewhat distraught. I am usually very strong, but I told her how I felt about all this suffering. She asked if I could get there for the first appt of the day for the next few weeks - around 7:00 am - because the waiting area was quiet. I hugged her.

I showed up the next day at 7 am and met a crew of 80 year old men who had become friendly as they got radiation for prostate cancer. They chatted with me each morning. It helped so much.

The techs were kind. I could not believe that they had guys in there dealing with naked breasts, but I quickly realized that they saw it all sorts of body parts day in and day out and mine were nothing special. I stayed upbeat and positive and just wanted to get the heck done with it all. Sometimes I felt myself sliding into panic mode, but I kept counting the minutes til I could leave. So I guess I was more focused on keeping on track and getting it done and dashing out of there. I have never been that scared. The techs asked me how I was as the first line of reporting should something be wrong. I didn’t really focus on them alot just because the fight or flight mechanismwas out in full force. I just wanted out each morning. There was a big boss guy running the department and he constantly checked in and asked if all was okay. That helped too.

At the end of treatment, I gave my fave co-patient a “graduation gift" - a book that means alot to me - when their rads were done. I received in the mail the most beautiful letter of encouragement along with a small gift that remains the best thing given to me aside from my wedding jewelry. To me, it made this unexpected and uncomfortable experience understandable and worth it. My techs all got gift certificates to Sephora. They never lost their smiles, even when confiding that their own family was sick and they were worried too. And they were relentlessly professional when I looked like a very scared human being.

So I had a difficult rad onc, an angel of a tech who saw my worry and got me in a better schedule, getting boob naked with strange men who I ended up liking, getting encouragement from 80 year old men who brought me back to life in that waiting area....nothing was perfect yet everything was in the end. I suffered trying to get information on treatment, but once that was agreed upon, I made peace with the physical downsides of rads - short and long-term. My breast looked as though I had the worst sunburn x 10 (and aquaphor was the saving grace.) My boob shrunk, is scarred and not very pretty.

My rads experience was like the whole of cancer itself - you have no idea what is coming, and some of it will test your resolve, cause you to be absolutely terrified and doubting all that you know — and other parts will leave you so damn grateful. I would be absolutely delighted to have missed this experience and be ignorant about cancer, but it’s given me alot of insight. I am still working out how I feel about it all!

xx. Love, Belle

Samheranah- I was feeling the same way about my techs after the first few days. I wasn't comfortable feeling that way so asked myself what would make it better. I realized I needed that more personal connection with the techs because they were getting VERY personal with me. The next session, I told them that I needed to have information about them so I didn't feel like a piece of meat on the butcher's table with all the lines drawn on it. They were horrified that's how I was feeling and have been willingly answering my questions. I think I was expecting them to make me feel comfortable, but I needed to know in MY head first what that would be and then I need to advocate for myself to make sure I got it.

One thing I've realized reading about everyone's story is that while our journey is the same or similar, everyone is different. Someone else probably copes with radiation better if everything is kept impersonal. I imagine working with people who can have such differing needs from one patient to the next is hard and they probably start using the perceived "falseness" until they have a road map on how to handle us. One of my techs also made the comment that they were intense because they are focusing on millimeters and wanted to make sure they got everything right to minimize exposure. Perspective is such as funny thing- all depends which side of the camera you are on