The Secret Suckiness Of Life After Breast Cancer

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  • HoneyBadger47
    HoneyBadger47 Member Posts: 98
    edited December 2017

    Hi NfrnoDave,

    Welcome back to this site. I lurk more than I post. I just wanted to say that men are most certainly welcomed here. Breast cancer doesn’t discriminate. I don’t see why other discussion and support sites would.

    Use the search on this site to find just about any topic you have questions about. If there isn’t one, start your own thread. Will warn you that people have mentioned that this site is much slower during holidays. Please don’t feel like you are not welcome if you do not get a lot of input quickly

    Look forward to seeing your posts.


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  • ShetlandPony
    ShetlandPony Member Posts: 4,924
    edited December 2017

    Boys allowed and welcome, Dave

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  • TaRenee
    TaRenee Member Posts: 464
    edited December 2017

    Dave, just because there are less men doesn’t make it less scary or freaky for you. Welcome!

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  • CeliaC
    CeliaC Member Posts: 1,320
    edited December 2017

    Dave - Welcome! Come to this forum and share freely. We are all on this crazy journey. Hope you find the solace and support you seek. Healing thoughts to all.

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  • Teddy2
    Teddy2 Member Posts: 3
    edited December 2017

    I drew a lot of comfort from this article. I find that people are hugely uncomfortable with the thought of, and any discussion about, mastectomy. My emotional battle has been quite debilitating and the friends i had became total strangers. I feel a huge loss and totally get the references to "my old self" that I see in other posts. Everything changed. The future is complicated. I am fighting to be positive all the time and being nice feels near impossible. I have to accept that I cannot change my body I can only choose how I react or act in the moment. Yes exercise, meditation, breathing and being grateful keeps the anxiety at bay 80% of the time.

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  • gardengypsy
    gardengypsy Member Posts: 769
    edited January 2018

    I had a big argument with my partner about my lack of energy on Christmas Day and on New Year's. On both days, I napped and was in bed for the night by 9 PM.

    On many occasions, I have explained the side effects of the treatment and the drugs to him. When he received this article from me he said that “he read every word" and that “he was there for me." I have sent him side effects lists from the Gabapentin, the Tamoxifen, the AC+T and the radiation. And even though I have met the disability insurance bar, he is still in denial.

    I explain to him that his job is his job, and my job is healing and resting. Every once in a while, he gets very frustrated.

    I refuse to accept pressure from anyone that what I am feeling is wrong. He has been here for me nearly every step of the way, but this may break us up. These arguments make me feel like a younger, sexier woman with two breasts is what he really desires. In part, I blame the Pink campaigns for this behavior. People with health privilege in this country take their good fortune for granted.

    ARGH.

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  • Snickersmom
    Snickersmom Member Posts: 926
    edited January 2018

    This so perfectly describes us all, no matter what stage. People think that because I had Stage 1A, the tumor was very tiny, and they "got it all and declared me cancer-free" that I should just be able to move on and act like I did before. They seem to forget that I lost two body parts that I had carried around with me for 70 years, leaving me with just scars. I resent the fact that they think I'm lucky because I didn't need chemo or radiation and just have pills to take instead. So how come I

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  • Trvler
    Trvler Member Posts: 3,159
    edited January 2018

    Garden: You are about a year behind me with a similar dx and protocol. Except for the lack of sleep, I do feel better and better and I am hoping time does the same for you.

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  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 3,761
    edited January 2018

    Snickersmom - I feel your pain literally and figuratively. My BC DX was Stage 1b, Grade 1 IDC. I did have 33 radiation treatments and I had a lumpectomy not a MX.

    Stats are in our favor but people not affected don’t understand there are no guarantees. It’s not that we aren’t optimistic but we are also realistic. Who among us doesn’t want to believe the worst is over? I will always be anxious come mammo time. Thing is I was anxious even before I was DX because my mother had BC in her 60s. She has passed away but not from BC. She lived 25 years after her DX.

    We all know recurrences can happen at any stage; some more likely than others.
    For the record I fall into the guardingly optimistic category.

    garden - what a sad revelation about your partner. There is a lady in our support group whose husband had a complete meltdown about the changes in her and her body. Luckily for them it’s brought them closer together not further apart.
    I wish the same for you.

    Diane
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  • gardengypsy
    gardengypsy Member Posts: 769
    edited January 2018

    Thank you Allison <3

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  • gardengypsy
    gardengypsy Member Posts: 769
    edited April 2018

    My partner of five years left me because of my low energy. He started dating within one day of breaking up with me.

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  • Snickersmom
    Snickersmom Member Posts: 926
    edited April 2018

    Gardengypsy - you deserve better than that. We all need to have someone who supports us fully, regardless of whether it's a physical illness, a mental illness, or just a plain old bad day. In our case, our emotions run rampant pretty much all the time, so support is such an important part of our recovery and our well-being.

    When I had my BMX, I made my husband stand at the mirror with me the first time I saw my "new" self. And without missing a beat, he said "I did not marry you for your breasts. So the fact that they aren't there anymore just isn't important to me. Having you here with me is the only thing that matters." If your partner didn't feel that way, you are better off without him.

    Hang in there. You will be fine.

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  • gardengypsy
    gardengypsy Member Posts: 769
    edited April 2018

    Thanks, Snickers. I hope you are right. It's been a month. He hasn't written or called to see how I am.

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  • macb04
    macb04 Member Posts: 1,433
    edited April 2018

    GardenGypsy, he sounds rather shallow, and he probably is afraid to call because he feels guilty. You hugely deserve a a great mate, one who will love you no matter what.

    I had a scare a few months ago, got really upset, and my dh went ballistic, yelling and told me to " leave him alone" When I was being actively tortured a few years ago he was almost never supportive, and this recent experience has showed me he hasn't changed. I know he doesn't have my back, and that I can never really count on him. It broke my faith in him and our marriage in a way that will never be fixed. We still live together with our girls, but he is more like a roomate than a husband. He doesn't like how I am not that close with him anymore, but he made his bed. Some day I may decide to be on my own.

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  • Warrior2018
    Warrior2018 Member Posts: 380
    edited April 2018

    Huge Hugs to all you that are dealing with relationship hardships and losses on top of all of this. I’m new to the forums but look to these threads because I feel comfortable in the truth more than anything. But I just want to offer support and good thoughts to you all. I hope things can find a way to get easier for everyone.

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  • CeliaC
    CeliaC Member Posts: 1,320
    edited April 2018

    GardenGypsy - Reaching out to you with a big hug! Please know that we are here to support you - wish it could be in person. PM me if you would like me to reach out to you via phone. Hope you have other folks in your world who can be there for you.

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  • gardengypsy
    gardengypsy Member Posts: 769
    edited April 2018

    Mac, Warrior, Snickers, Trvler, Celia, everyone~

    This camaraderie and support is really helpful. I agree that he did not communicate because of guilt. And he IS shallow. He suffers from Health Privilege. Has no idea what it's like to be unwell.

    For the first time, I went to a hypnotherapist today. Major emotional breakthrough. I have been overwhelmed by extreme grief. My work with her will be about empowering myself. I do not want to give this man any more of my power! Also, the therapist and I will be working on self-care.

    I just had this thought that cancer makes us feel very vulnerable. We have to give our power over to doctors and medicine, and brutal treatments. I want to feel stronger, emotionally and physically. I do feel better in a lot of ways, but I do have severe neuropathy that's not getting any better.

    <3<3<3

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