The Secret Suckiness Of Life After Breast Cancer

That was a very thoughtful piece. I just had another oncologist recommend therapy and an antidepressant. I am not depressed. My feelings are completely legitimate.

Very well-put, NotVeryBrave.

MexicoHeather, yes. I had a normal and appropriate reaction to a devastating diagnosis, and with support I was able to find well-being in spite of cancer. I found that talking with a therapist who had experience working with cancer patients really helped me process my grief and come out on the other side of it. I did not need anti-depressants to do this. Some people do, and that is perfectly valid, but oncs shouldn't push them on everyone.

Read my history...I have been through everything, X 2. Now I am to the point that I can say goodbye to the evil Aromasin. "A double edge sword" ...I stop the drug that has caused SO many side effects, resulting in the addition of 9 medications to deal with those side effects. I am very apprehensive to leave my only safety net to block a recurrence. My onco said that further treatment with AI's would mean that the side effects could be more significant. So this is it? Five years is all the statistics i am quoted.

This article is on point and I'm so glad I found this string. I'm not alone. While "lucky", I'm two years post my diagnosis and one year post the hardest of the treatments. The inhibitors (we've cycled through all of them at this point) and all the drugs to counteract the side effects were so debilitating that I finally took myself off about 6 weeks ago. While many, the fatigue and neuropathy have been the worst. And if I hear one more doctor tell me to exercise I might lose it. How is that possible when you can barely move or function? I am seeing improvement but it's countered with the fact that I'm even more terrified of a re-occurrence. Family and friends are supportive but I look fine now so hard to really understand. I now "hide" as much as i can so as to not be a nuisance. I'm tired of always being a drag. Honestly the last year was harder than the surgery/chemo/radiation. I expected to be one of the smiling faces, but am still struggling to get there.

I read/skimmed this article. Whereas I appreciate this woman's experience with breast cancer, no 2 patients are alike. There was some truth to what she posted, but in all honesty, she was writing a "piece", so it was probably more edgy than a blog post, for example.

I still have times when I am angry, as well (which is probably fear more than anger now). I would not put a pen to paper and write about it in my current state for other cancer patients to see. I hate Pink-Tober as much as the rest of us on here and do not appreciate breasts being called "ta-tas" etc. Just keep in mind that everyone's experience is different. I don't want to live like that. Some of that is a choice. I've been through as much, if not more than she has as far as treatments and surgery, and I refuse to have a bleak outlook like that - it just makes things harder on the patient.

Thank you so mch for posting that article. I can relate at so many levels. Luckily I have the local support group as a place to vent, as husband has always considered my cancer as my problem not his, that all SEs are psychological and made up (except LE which is visually obvious), and doesn't even want to understand that fear of recurrance still haunts me with every new symptom, how frustrating it is that my brain doesn’t work right, and that I am so selfish sometimes to feel unhappy that I have to stuff a prosthesis into my bra if I want my clothes to fit in public.

Breast Cancer Awareness and all that pink stuff are basically marketing. Breast cancer is used to sell stuff. Again, there are books on this topic. The origin of the word "survivor" is suspect as well. I choose to pay no attention to this stuff.

Our family already had dealt with so many serious health challenges, that we were used to the wandering, glazed eyes this writer describes, and knew better than to have expectations of understanding from anyone. I think this piece reflects a previously fortunate life. It also reflects an upper middle class viewpoint: many breast cancer patients do not have a husband with a stable job, or a husband at all, and have to work. Writing is a flexible job and with an income made by the spouse, at least money worries aren't contributing to the depression.

I have found the psychological effects to be subtle, and they do indeed get worse every year out. I think most of us live with the expectation, somewhere in us, that it is coming back and we just hope for more time. When my daughter flies off to the other coast for her 4 years of college, it affects me because I do not know if she will be back here living close enough to see often, within the time frame of my seeming remission. When I sign a lease for an apartment, I wonder if I will be signing another one. That kind of thing. These things are way in the back of my mind, but I know they are there.

Finally, I think the advice to exercise is legit. I wake up some mornings very stiff and in pain, but if I go to my Tai Chi class, I feel better. In fact I told my teacher that the only time I am pain free is while I am doing Tai Chi and I wish I could just do it for 8 hours. I also walk. If I walk 20 minutes, the pain gets worse, but if I keep going, for at least 45, things turn a corner and I feel better, more limber, my knees are loose and my back stops hurting. I also take Nia and dance classes that are appropriate.

I already had osteoporosis before Femara and it has gotten worse. I have three spinal fractures from a traumatic fall. Also spinal stenosis, myelopathy and spinal cord damage in my neck. And paresthesias since 2001. If I can do these things, anyone can.

It helps to have low expectations of people. It is difficult to know what to say to the "how are you?" question but in general there is no point in sharing. If that is lonely, then we have to deal with it within ourselves. Death, illness and divorce have always been taboo subjects. At some point everyone has to deal with these things, but most people don't want to think about troubles until they have them themselves.

If some of you haven't been to the Steam Room for Anger thread, head over if you need to vent. Or the Stupid Comments thread, another great one.

I have struggled since I had that bad mammogram in Dec 2016 and now, this Friday, Dec1 2017, I am having another diagnostic ultrasound and mammogram because I have sprouted a huge lump in my other breast! And the fear! The fear cannot be named. There is no word big enough, black enough to cover it. I feel like I am in a soundprrof booth, screaing for help, people walk past by the thousands, not hearing, not seeing, I am alone in a glass box with a monster that is tearing me to shreds and no one can help me. That is how I feel. Because that is how it actually is.

If I have a recurrence, I have it. Not anyone else. If I have to go through treatment it happens to my veins, my body, not anyone else's. There is no one who can step in and take this from me, even though they might want to. This is mine. Alone. In my body, in my head.

I feel so bad for my husband who seemed shocked through the first diagnosis and treatment and he clung to the hope that his wife wasn't going to die from this. The news wasn't great, but it wasn't ALL bad. Maybe he would not be a widower far sooner than expected. But this second lump ... he has lost whatever grip on positive he had and we have both fallen over some evil cliff.

I have a few, dear friends who get that this is a chronic mental condition that I will have to fight against for a long time. Bless them. They get it. They either ask sincerely or don't ask at all. They just know how it is and that I'm doing my best. I have other friends who figure the cancer was cut out, it is gone, you HAD cancer, you do not HAVE cancer, so what's the big deal, act like nothing happened because we all want to be comfy womfy and believe that bad things do not randomly happen. Cause that shit is scary as hell. Those people I draw away from because the burden it places on me to meet their requirement that I am okay, exhausts and defeats me.

That article is spot on.

catlady72 - You are not alone in your feelings. Is it anti-estrogen therapy they will have you on next - i.e., Tamoxifen if pre-menopause or Aromatase Inhibitors if post-menopause? Bravo on the 30 lb weight loss & drastically changing your diet. I did the same. If you fell off the wagon a bit, no worries - get back on and do not beat yourself up. I fell off the wagon big time over TG holiday travels, but expect to drop that pretty easily now that I am back to my "normal" eating habits. Best wishes and gentle hugs to you.

Brilliant, thanks for posting. Very true. The author hasn’t lost her writing skill; still made me laugh.

So nice to know I’m not alone

Thank you for this story. Sometimes I chide myself, thinking “Poor me,” but this article puts a fine point on many of the issues I still face, 2-1/2 years after treatment.

It’s great to see this here and know I don’t need to apologise. I don’t want to take out my feelings on my husband or friends, but at least this validates many of my own feelings.

Thank you, thank you.

HB0225:

I often feel like I have to put on the positive face, too. Or the I've-gotten-over-this face. And I feel so grateful -- but everyone just wants us to move on. While we're left completely changed by this experience. I'm not the same person anymore.

I am sorry, Catlady. Hugs to you.

@Trvler: Thank you.

@TaRenee: I hear you! Thanks for being brave and posting. I am so, so with you here. The fear, the anxiety, the wondering when the other shoe will fall...yes, yes and YES! People really just don't get it unless they are really LIVING it, so the best we can do is just let them think we are fine I guess. Even if we really aren't, but sometimes we just have to do our best.

Oh and that girl I posted about...she was actually YOUNGER than me, battled ovarian cancer for five years. I think about her every single day and how devastated her family must be right now. Just so sad about that.

That was a very heart warming post. A lot of her feelings are mine as well

I was diagnosed with breast cancer 6/16 with a mastectomy, chemo, Herceptin & tamoxifen. I signed up with this forum immediately but I was so overwhelmed that I had to stop looking for answers. I finally snapped out of my funk a few months ago and now I want to share,,,and hear your stories.

I am retired but working part time, so getting back to doing what I enjoy was pretty special. I still have many questions so please don’t turn your back on me just because I’m a guy. I have the same pain and concerns that you do, but I have been turned away from numerous support groups and their reason was “No Boys Allowed”