Hope for finding love/sex after treatment?

Anonymous · December 2017

Ckat · December 2017

Hi everyone, I'm fairly new to this, having been diagnosed in August for stage 2a IDC that was highly estrogen and progesterone receptor positive. At first, I was in shock and just trying to make treatment decisions and get through each day. I'm halfway through chemo and am only now starting to occasionally think about matters beyond survival. I'm single, 47, and want to believe there's still hope to find love. However, I'm wondering whether being thrust into instant menopause via drugs will destroy any chances. It seems much harsher than natural menopause.

I have had regular periods up until my last infusion, but am now having bad hot flashes at night. My oncologist has said he wants me to be on an aromatase inhibitor instead of Tamoxifen, but this really scares me because of all the side effects--and also because I've read horror stories about how these drugs (particularly after chemo-induced menopause) can make sex impossible and accelerate the aging process (which also freaks me out). Not to be too dramatic (and believe me, I'm grateful these treatments are available), but will I still feel like a woman? Anyone have a clear preference between the two types of drugs? Any insights and experiences would be really appreciated.

Racy · December 2017

Hi there. It seems from your post you are worrying about negative things that might happen in your future.

Please know that there is always hope of good things to come, with or without cancer. Try to focus on that.

I was 48 when diagnosed and was treated with chemo and have been taking Femara for the past six years. The only side effect I have had is hot flashes, and these can be ameliorated by taking another drug, Efexor (which happens to be an antidepressant).

The emotional scar from having cancer has aged me more than any of the treatments. You are going to get older anyway but there are many things you can do to keep yourself as youthful as possible; exercise, healthy diet, maintaining interests and relationships and looking after your appearance are just a few.

It is understandable that you are having negative thoughts at this stage of your treatment but it is very likely that, eventually, your life will return to something near 'normal'.

You have the power to create your destiny through the way you think and what you do. Remember that every day.

Racy · December 2017

just to add: if you become menopausal following chemo, then an aromatose inhibitor may be more effective treatment than Tamoxifen. Each has potential side effects but you may not experience any of them.

You can try an AI, and if you find side effects troubling, you can change to another of the various drugs until you find one that you can tolerate.

Just because you start taking a drug it does not mean you can't stop at any time.

Give an AI a go and see how you feel. Take a day at a time.

Beckyrose1 · December 2017

I understand your fear of the side effects of these drugs. My oncologist prescribed Letrozole and I literally sat and stared at the pill for an hour before finally taking it. It's like this: side effects don't effect everyone. And many SE can be prevented or dealt with. The point here is to avoid future breast cancer. The AI is my best chance. If I have stiff joints, I have to get up and walk. If I am afraid of weak bones, I have to exercise. I can't just sit here and wish for a miracle drug. Because there isn't one. But there are work-arounds. I am going to feel better and so will you, one day at a time. And yes--you are young and you will feel very much like your old self again. Make it your goal and stay focused, one day at a time. You've got this!

Ckat · September 2018

Hi, I just re-looked at this old post and am really touched by the kind responses you both gave. Thank you for reaching out to a stranger during a dark hour.

Hope for finding love/sex after treatment?

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