First post.. mind is mush

Mama, I am so sorry you have this diagnosis. There is nothing that can prepare us for the fear that comes with it. Just put one foot in front of the other and fight your way through treatment. Lavish love on your family. Focus on healing and never give up on your dreams.

I think dr's should give you a prescription for antidepressants when they give you your diagnosis. The whole whirlwind is just too much to deal with and there's no shame in looking for help. Ask your dr for a referral to an oncology therapist. I found yoga and guided imagery tapes to be very helpful. It's taken me quite a while to turn down that cancer radio in my head but I'm in a really good place right now. Trust me, you'll get there too.

Mamatwoboys - I'm so sorry you're going through this. I was immobilized by fear in the beginning and when I found out it was TNBC I couldn't sleep eat or look at my kids without wanting to cry. My hands would shake constantly. It's funny that you said embarrassed, because that was one of my initial reactions too, but I never admitted it

Getting all the details and a treatment plan can help. Do you have your Dx In detail? Any other info you can add to your profile? It does help others on here to help you.

For me I just decided that I can't spend my days living in fear - every day is precious. I want to be present for my family. I do have trouble making future plans to be honest - like trips for next summer.

Please know you are not alone and we understand.

Mama,

I'm so sorry you are here. First off, you definitely do not give up! I was 31 when diagnosed earlier this year, and also have 2 young sons. The days while you are being diagnosed and having testing finished are truly the worst. As time goes on, you will feel better and will be able to stop thinking of cancer every second of everyday. I found taking more control over my health to be very therapeutic during treatment. It felt like there was something I still had control of, and figured anything to improve my overall health would only help me manage the side effects of treatment (which it definitely did) and may help reduce my chances of reoccurance. Just make sure you get your Dr's ok.

There will be a lot of ups and downs during this process, so it's best to focus on the good things and try to limit what you read online.

And it's true, unless they have gone through treatment themselves people have no idea what you are going through- but I've found this site very helpful for that. And my family, friends and employer have rallied beside me in ways I never expected. I never realized how many people cared about me until this process, and you will need them so let them help you!

I wish you the best as you start treatment. I found chemotherapy and recovering after my double masectomy very managable. I'm in my second week of radiation and it's been uneventful so far.

You can do this!

Mama, we ALL hate this!! Stupid disease!


Now that my "active" treatment is done I waffle between feeling great and planning long term and the fear that something awful is happening inside me and I just don't know yet. I don't think that fear ever goes away. I felt exactly like you do just about a year ago. Once I had a treatment plan and things started moving I felt less hopeless. As crappy as I may have felt I at least felt that I was fighting back at that point instead of just letting it consume me. Your profile is not public but I hope your treatments begin soon so you can feel more in control as well. The support here is great, no need to put on your happy face all the time like in the real world. You can vent, cry, rejoice or discuss whatever the emotion/physical ailment of the day is. I found the monthly surgery/chemo/radiation threads very helpful as those women were going through the same treatment at the same time and it made me feel like I was not alone. I hope you take advantage of those. I wish you peace and strength as you begin your treatment Mamatwoboys.

Hi Mamatwoboys. Yes, your diagnosis particulars are showing now, except for not indicating that your tumor did not have excess Her2neu. The profile questionnaire section where it asks about hormone receptor status is where that particular setting is done.

Mama - my neighbor just turned 70, which I knew because his lawn was covered in 70 pictures of him. It was cute. My husband came home and said "did you see Tony's lawn?" I burst into tears, baffling him and cried, " Will I live to be 70?"

So no, you are not alone! Some great days, some crazy days - but days right?

Legomaster - I have a huge issue with future planning. It's like I am frozen with indecision.

Hi Mama - 6.5 years ago I was where you are now. I had just lost my father to lung cancer 10 months prior and now I had to tell my 5 year old daughter and my 7 year old son that I had cancer too. I was 46 years old when I was diagnosed.

I had a lot of moments of sadness. I remember taking my daughter to the doctor over something stomache/ anxiety related and then telling her to wait in the waiting room while I talked to the her doctor. When my daughter left I told the doctor about my situation and broke down. She told me to get ahold of myself because I needed to be "good" for my kids (she has never been one to mince words...).

I started counselling shortly after. Which was good because I voiced all my fears (even ones I could not talk to my family about) to her. She talked me down off ledges many times over the years that I needed her. I haven't needed her in over 3 years. She told me even in the worst case scenario I was not going anywhere today. I guess that is a small mercy over the heart attack scenario.

I also got a prescription for Lorazepam. It is so important to get sleep while you are going through this. Lack of sleep makes all of this harder. You want to be able to enjoy and laugh when your kids say something funny or do something cute (and they will...). I took Lorazepam occasionally over the first 2 to 3 years. I don't need them anymore.

I walked a lot! I actually lost 15 lbs before treatment (chemo and rads) even started. The walking burnt off energy and gave me time to think. If I started going to a dark place I got up, left the house and walked it out until I was tired.

The worst time is from diagnosis to treatment starting. Once treatment starts you feel more control. Before treatment starts you feel like you are in a waiting period. I drank Mangosteen juice in that time period from my surgery (June 30) until chemo started (mid Sept) because my sister begged me to. I did not really believe but I looked it up and it could do no harm and it made me feel like I was doing something instead of just waiting for something to happen. And I got my vitamin D up. I started taking 2000 mg daily ( but quite frankly I have been on 4000 mg for the past 2 years and my level is not even near the mid range for normal but I live in Canada).

When treatment started I did exactly what they told me to do. No supplements. I even confirmed the vitamin D with them.

As for staying happy, I told my counsellor how everyone kept telling me how I had to stay positive, how it would really help me. I told her that I was scared and not positive. She told me that there was no evidence that a negative attitude would "harm" you or hurt your chances of recovery. But she said it did make it harder on the people around you. So I guess what is am saying to you is that you should allow yourself your moments of fear, negativity, whatever emotion and not feel guilty about it. You are kind of mourning the "death" of and old life, an old normal. But I can assure you you will find your new normal.

The new normal looks a lot like the old normal except you do not feel as invincible as before. You really appreciate the good things in your life. You get to your new normal over time. You hang on to your dreams but maybe you modify them a bit. Instead of waiting 2 years to go to Disneyland (as planned) you go a few months after your treatment is over. You start out dreaming and planning for 6 months out, then one year out and then when you realize it's going to be good you think about longer term.

I too was pretty angry. What did I do to deserve this! But then I insisted on genetic testing (fought for it actually) and surprise, surprise I have a BRCA 1 mutation. Personally I think all young (under 50) triple negative cancer patients should be tested for mutations, I suspect there are a lot more of us out there than the stats show.

I also did a course on mindful based meditation. You could probably download something of the internet. I did a full body scan which lasted almost 50 mins. Being able to focus on my breath was a lifesaver in the radiation chamber! It kept me calm and focused. It helped me sleep at night. I do not do it anymore but I should.

There is also a good book called Anti- cancer by David Servan-Schreiber. Buy it and start making some of the changes (diet related) that you can before treatment starts. When treatment is over go whole hog into it!

This loss of control over our destiny, this powerlessness is what I found to be the most depressing. But after treatment I had the opportunity to do everything in my power to keep the beast at bay. I am still here today. Be patient with yourself. You will be a different person and in a much better place a year from now. Take care. (Yikes- this was a long post!)

Good Morning, 

I was diagnosed Sept 7 with TNBC stage 2A. I'm 1/2 way through chemo and some days are ok and others I feel like I can't get through them and I spend them crying. Actually weeping, and then feel bad that I'm not being "positive." I am 40 and I have a 13 year old son and 9 year old daughter and amazing husband who I want to live a long time with. This is so scary...I'm trying to focus on the staying in the moment, but it's hard. I am doing acupuncture 2x a week, therapy and yoga and I am trying meditation. I'm trying anything to help me stay in the moment. I'm sorry you are having a hard time, but I totally understand. We can do this. We will do this and we will kick butt.