stage 4 cancer and going to lose my insurance

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Go get a lawyer - NOW. Ideally find one through personal referrals but find someone quickly. You have rights and it sounds like your husband won’t willingly give you anything so you’re going to need help getting what you deserve. His girlfriend might want certain things but there are laws to protect you. I hope you find someone good to help you soon

I have no advice for you but just wanted to say I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this.

Jojo- This is heartbreaking.

But given the duration of your marriage, he will not be able to leave you high and dry on the insurance.

Sadly, it may take a lawyer to run this through, but even if you go through mediation, he can't win this one. He may at a minimum have to provide cobra. There are also ways to keep you on his insurance even if divorced.

I am so sorry. How much pain is one woman supposed to endure?

Jojo, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I endured something similar, but when my BC was found, my children called him and asked him not to finalize the divorce because they needed me to have insurance so I wouldn't die. He agreed, but I know he can't wait to finalize the divorce. He also has an affair girlfriend. I truly don't know what I'm going to do for health insurance once the divorce is final. I worry that I'll have a recurrence and die. I don't know what I'll be able to afford.

See several good attorneys in your area. Most do a free consultation. Have your questions written in adnvance and stick to them. Do not waste time sharing emotions with attorneys. Just stick to financial facts. You've been married for 17 years. Have you worked outside the home at all during that time? Do you have degrees or a strong work history? Many states consider your ability to make income, so you may qualify for rehabilitative alimony. That is money to support you while you go back to school or find a job so you can support yourself. With regard to health insurance, ask the attorneys about the possibility of asking him to provide (pay for) similar insurance post divorce. It may not work, but it's worth a try given your diagnosis.

Emotionally, reach out to friends and family and if you have access to a counselor, this is the time to use one. Again, I'm truly sorry he is doing this to you. I know that pain. It's a special kind of hurt

Jojo71 - I’d hire the meanest attorney you can find. This is all about you and your child now. Take everything. I’m a compassionate person, but this is not right.

I believe in most states you get about 1/2 of his 401K if he has one as well as alimony.  You definitely need an attorney.

Elaine, she might also get pro rated from the time of diagnosis. I got it, but I think they go 6 months beyond the original diagnosis. Def. something she should look into. And YES, stage IV cancer is automatically approved.

Jojo, get all your medical together and head to your nearest SS office.

I am not familiar with all of the "rules". I get more than that $9000/yr, but not much more. And if she isn't working, that helps. Not sure how the rest of it falls into place. We own our own business, so I just don't take a pay check anymore. Hence I can get disability. Before, while getting a paycheck, I did not qualify.

You should be eligible for cobra for 2 years I think. Perhaps your attorney could convince him to cover the costs of the cobra. That buys you some time to come up with a longer term plan

jojo, as far as the cost of the attorney, community assets are as much yours as his. Put the retainer on a credit card and ask that he be ordered to pay your interim and final attorney fees

One more thing - you say your husband is “offering” you a couple of years of alimony. Do not sign anything until you have an attorney you can trust. It sounds like your husband is trying to push this through as quickly and cheaply (for him) as possible, but that is to his advantage and your disadvantage. Yes, the days of alimony payments for the rest of the spouse’s life are gone, but your situation is different with your Stage IV diagnosis. You have rights! You cannot be left high and dry.