stage 4 cancer and going to lose my insurance

Jojo71

I'm in shock. My husband wants a divorce...he wants to marry someone else. I have not worked in 15 years. I was homeschooling our child. I have stage 4 cancer, currently in remission. We have really good insurance that I will lose after the divorce. I am terrified. I can't believe he is doing this to me. He seems to think I should be able to get a job and get my own insurance. I cannot even get disability because I don't have enough work credits in "the right timeframe." I have no idea what to do...

Peregrinelady

Omg, Jojo, I am so sorry. Would he consider separating instead so that you can stay on his insurance? He sounds very cold-hearted.

Jojo71

I have been trying to get him to agree to this but I thin his gf is pressuring him. He says he can't stay married to me just so I can have insurance.

lekker

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Go get a lawyer - NOW. Ideally find one through personal referrals but find someone quickly. You have rights and it sounds like your husband won’t willingly give you anything so you’re going to need help getting what you deserve. His girlfriend might want certain things but there are laws to protect you. I hope you find someone good to help you soon

Jojo71

I will get a lawyer but I'm not even sure how to find one. The husband is offering a couple years of alimony...he doesn't want to go to court...I don't either but I feel like I deserve more...we've been married 17 years! Plus the health insurance problem seems insurmountable

Jackster51

I have no advice for you but just wanted to say I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this.

PauletteK

You need an attorney to help you to get the most out of this case. Think this way, you need to protect yourself. In California you have right to ask him to put you on his insurance and I’ve seen this before. He needs to pay you more than two years alimony after 17 years. If you don’t protect yourself nobody will. How old is your children??

Simbobby

Jojo- This is heartbreaking.

But given the duration of your marriage, he will not be able to leave you high and dry on the insurance.

Sadly, it may take a lawyer to run this through, but even if you go through mediation, he can't win this one. He may at a minimum have to provide cobra. There are also ways to keep you on his insurance even if divorced.

I am so sorry. How much pain is one woman supposed to endure?

dtad

I'm so sorry you are going through this. IMO you should get a good lawyer ASAP!

Brightness456

Jojo, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I endured something similar, but when my BC was found, my children called him and asked him not to finalize the divorce because they needed me to have insurance so I wouldn't die. He agreed, but I know he can't wait to finalize the divorce. He also has an affair girlfriend. I truly don't know what I'm going to do for health insurance once the divorce is final. I worry that I'll have a recurrence and die. I don't know what I'll be able to afford.

See several good attorneys in your area. Most do a free consultation. Have your questions written in adnvance and stick to them. Do not waste time sharing emotions with attorneys. Just stick to financial facts. You've been married for 17 years. Have you worked outside the home at all during that time? Do you have degrees or a strong work history? Many states consider your ability to make income, so you may qualify for rehabilitative alimony. That is money to support you while you go back to school or find a job so you can support yourself. With regard to health insurance, ask the attorneys about the possibility of asking him to provide (pay for) similar insurance post divorce. It may not work, but it's worth a try given your diagnosis.

Emotionally, reach out to friends and family and if you have access to a counselor, this is the time to use one. Again, I'm truly sorry he is doing this to you. I know that pain. It's a special kind of hurt

MelissaDallas

jojo, I'm a family law paralegal and mostly work on divorces. Your coverage under his group policy can usually be converted to separate coverage similar to a Cobra situation in a divorce.


You absolutely need a lawyer. Most of the time in a family law case there isn't much "going to court" unless someone is being unreasonable. Many cases where I live never even have a hearing, except for a 5 minute "prove-up" before the judge to enter the decree. That is saying nobody is being a jerk. Most people agree on "temporary orders" for while the case is pending-who gets use of what property, who pays what bills, child issues, support for you. You need someone to help negotiate to protect you. Your situation requires some creative lawyering. If he is wanting to be fair and the two of you can mostly agree this does not have to be terribly expensive. You reach agreements and get the paperwork drawn up based on those agreements, but you need a lawyer to tell you if those agreements are fair to you.

farmerlucy

Jojo71 - I’d hire the meanest attorney you can find. This is all about you and your child now. Take everything. I’m a compassionate person, but this is not right.

exbrnxgrl

Please, please get an attorney. You need to make sure that someone is looking out for your best interests, and it's clear that your husband won't be doing that . My older DD, whose situation is very different from yours, spent well over a year trying to work things out with her ex without an attorney. She didn't want things to turn negative for the sake of their child. Guess what? Things got uglier and uglier and she finally got an attorney. The attorney took the emotion out of it and demanded the best possible settlement that my daughter was legally entitled to. I think she regrets not having gotten an attorney from the beginning.
Wishing you the best!

cive

I believe in most states you get about 1/2 of his 401K if he has one as well as alimony.  You definitely need an attorney.

ElaineTherese

Jojo,

Re: disability -- you might not be able to qualify for disability through Social Security, but you may be able to qualify for disability through SSI, Supplemental Security Income. Since you're Stage IV, you should automatically qualify for federal help. With SSI, you may be able to qualify for Medicaid.

But otherwise, yes, get a lawyer!

goldie0827

Elaine, she might also get pro rated from the time of diagnosis. I got it, but I think they go 6 months beyond the original diagnosis. Def. something she should look into. And YES, stage IV cancer is automatically approved.

Jojo, get all your medical together and head to your nearest SS office.

Tresjoli2

get a lawyer, go to court. Protect yourself girl...

goldie0827

I am not familiar with all of the "rules". I get more than that $9000/yr, but not much more. And if she isn't working, that helps. Not sure how the rest of it falls into place. We own our own business, so I just don't take a pay check anymore. Hence I can get disability. Before, while getting a paycheck, I did not qualify.

Jojo71

Paulette,

The problem with the insurance is that the insurance company won't allow me to stay on his insurance. He would keep me on if he could

Jojo71

Simbobby,

I didn't think there was anyway to stay on his insurance if divorced...my understanding is the insurance company won't allow it.

Jojo71

Bosom

the thing with obamacare is that I don't qualify while married and if i get alimony i probably still won't qualify

Brightness456

You should be eligible for cobra for 2 years I think. Perhaps your attorney could convince him to cover the costs of the cobra. That buys you some time to come up with a longer term plan

Beetlebum

What are the laws in your state? In NC the spouse gets 50% of everything. In your case, you could get monthly payments. If you aren't emotionally able to handle all this you need an advocate. Maybe an outspoken friend. Get an attorney and make sure you get money right away so he wont hide it. Oh this makes me so mad. The pastor of our church years ago left his wife when she had BC. He married a church member, gave up his "job" and everything else. His children never spoke to him again. Good luck. Look after yourself!!!

Jojo71

Thank you everyone that answered. I am going to look for a lawyer but am afraid of the cost. I feel trapped because I have no savings and no job and am stage 4. I am afraid to go to court because judges hardly award alimony anymore.

Beetlebum

Yes, you are eligible to AHC with pre existing condition. If you aren't working, I believe you could get the subsidies. Call Affordable Health Care Act phone number and talk to them. You man get some self assurance and then go from there with your spouse.

Jojo71

He said i can get cobra for 18 months...my concern is what happens after that...obamacare may be repealed by then

pupmom

Jojo71, the court can make your husband pay for legal expenses you incur. The fact is, everything is negotiable. A judge may get really mad that your husband is leaving you for another woman, when you have Stage IV cancer, and rule in your favor. You won't know unless you ASK.

MelissaDallas

jojo, as far as the cost of the attorney, community assets are as much yours as his. Put the retainer on a credit card and ask that he be ordered to pay your interim and final attorney fees

HersheyKiss

Jojo, please use this weekend to reach out to folks for an attorney recommendation. Call on friends, family, neighbors, your pastor, local women's shelter, county mental health center. Someone somewhere has the contact information of an attorney who will be a great advocate for you. Then call the law office(s) first thing Monday for a consultation. As stated by others, take all your financial papers with you, including any EOBs from the insurance company.

lekker

One more thing - you say your husband is “offering” you a couple of years of alimony. Do not sign anything until you have an attorney you can trust. It sounds like your husband is trying to push this through as quickly and cheaply (for him) as possible, but that is to his advantage and your disadvantage. Yes, the days of alimony payments for the rest of the spouse’s life are gone, but your situation is different with your Stage IV diagnosis. You have rights! You cannot be left high and dry.

exbrnxgrl

The state that you live in may dictate what can/can’t happen, so please take tha into consideration when reading advice here. I was married for 23 years. I worked part time for many years before the divorce and went back to work full time, for two years prior to divorce. I live in CA, a community property, no-fault divorce state. My attorney got me 7 years of alimony, despite the fact that I had a full time job. So even in a state that is not amenable to alimony, a good lawyer made all the difference. BTW, I carried the family health insurance and dropped my ex right away