Implants feel too wide, crying every time I see them in a mirror

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horsegirl41
horsegirl41 Member Posts: 6
edited November 2018 in Breast Reconstruction

I had a profilactic double mastectomy in May due to positive CHEK2 gene. My mother and her cousins all carry the gene and every one of them had breast cancer before the age of 50. I recently underwent my exchange surgery (2.5 weeks ago) and am so unhappy. My tissue expanders were at 450cc and I was explicit with my PS that I was too big and wanted to be closer to where I was at the previous fill. He wrote everything down and even going into surgery he said he knew that if he had to choose between implants to choose the smallest possible. I ride horses for a living and previous to all of this I had to wear 2 sportsbras so I was/am looking to be MUCH smaller than originally.

We had discussed the anatomical implants prior to mastectomy so I was under the impression that I was getting those. My fault for not asking again. I have Natrelle Inspira Cohesive Rounds SCF-560 and I feel huge! Some swelling has gone down and I understand that some more changes will happen but I cry every time I look in a mirror. These feel WAY too wide for my frame. I'm 5'7" and was originally a 34 DD/DDD.

My questions are: should I go back for the teardrop shape? How much smaller will I be after a month or so? The projection is actually OK but my issue is truly with the width. They are still sitting a little high so I'm not sure about the upper pole fullness.

HELP please!!!

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Comments

  • NotVeryBrave
    NotVeryBrave Member Posts: 1,287
    edited October 2017

    I'm so sorry for you. I had a miserable time adjusting to the implants (mine was direct to implants). Probably the best advice I heard was to step away from the mirror. I know that's hard to hear and harder to do, but it's too soon to know how things will turn out.

    I was very unhappy for the first six weeks or so. I'm still not satisfied but not sure that I want to pursue further surgeries. I just don't get how many PS's move forward with their plans. I respect that they have the expertise and I don't - but please explain the rationale to me so that I can understand. And please take into account what I'm saying.

    I sometimes think that all the PS's out there think that we all want to look like porn stars, that bigger is somehow better. It's not enough that we lose our real breasts, but we have to endure replacements that are anything but.


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  • ravzari
    ravzari Member Posts: 277
    edited October 2017

    Keep in mind that you're still super, super early on in the healing process, and what you're seeing now is likely not even close to what your final results are going to be due to significant swelling (which you will still have a lot of at 2.5 weeks, even if you think it's gone down) and your pec muscles, if yours were done under the muscle, still being tight and not relaxed yet so the implants likely haven't even dropped into anything close to their final position and are likely being squished 'flatter' (or wider) than they will be once everything relaxes and all of the swelling subsides.


    It can take around 6 months before you'll know what your final results are going to be with implants, so you really do just need to try to relax, be patient, and realize you're still months from seeing the final results of the surgery.


    if you're still unhappy with how they look or still feel they're too wide at that point, it'd be time to bring up what you dislike (and be very, very detailed about it; the more detailed you are, the less chance of a miscommunication between what you want and what the PS heard) with your PS and discuss the possibility of a revision.


    I second the person above me who suggested stepping away from the mirror for awhile.

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  • horsegirl41
    horsegirl41 Member Posts: 6
    edited October 2017

    notverybrave-thank you for your input. I'm trying to step away from the mirror. I avert my eyes while getting into/out of the shower. I spoke with my nurse today. She's very comforting but basically there's nothing I can do except wait and continue wearing sports bras to add some compression. I'm hoping someone out there has had a similar experience with thinking implants were too wide and what they decided to do

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  • horsegirl41
    horsegirl41 Member Posts: 6
    edited October 2017

    Ravzari-

    Thank you for your input. I had expanders for almost 4 months and so my pecs have been stretched. This is not a "tightness" issue but a width of implant vs personal size.

    I saw that you chose no reconstruction after mastectomy so I'm curious about your experience with this particular issue? Not meaning to sound rude. Just curious if a friend or family member has gone thru it and shared?

    Thank you to everyone for their ideas, thoughts and opinions.

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  • NotVeryBrave
    NotVeryBrave Member Posts: 1,287
    edited October 2017

    I will say that the shape changed fairly dramatically around 8-10 weeks after surgery. Initially I felt like the implants were too flat and too wide. They are still bigger than I would like. Granted, I was probably always wearing the wrong size bra, but I was a 36B and now wear a 32DDD! I never had boobs that stuck out to the side, like under my arms or with my arms brushing them in my life. That has gotten better with time.


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  • kcat2013
    kcat2013 Member Posts: 391
    edited October 2017

    horsegirl, it took several months for my implants to really drop into place and look more "natural". My plastic surgeon told me it can take 6 months for all the swelling to go down and for the implants to settle. I have round ultra high profile implants and they definitely looked wider at first but the shape did adjust over time.


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  • ravzari
    ravzari Member Posts: 277
    edited October 2017

    horsegirl41 I did about a years' worth of research into whether or not I wanted to go the reconstruction route and decided that I just didn't want to do multiple surgeries with the added recovery/healing time and possible need for revisions (though I ended up needing a revision anyway, even going flat!) to get an outcome I'd be pleased with.

    I knew straight off I wasn't interested in a flap surgery, so the bulk of my research went into what would be possible if I chose to go the route of implants or implants + fat grafting.

    I wanted to know what to reasonably expect to go through if I went through with that and if I decided to go with reconstruction. In the end, I decided it wasn't for me, however.

    Prior to finding out I was at high risk for developing BC, I'd also been looking into having a lift and and possibly implants to take care of sagging and to get a better shape.

    That said, it is still possible that the swelling is causing some distortion of the implants and that, after everything in that realm has resolved they'll not be as wide as they seem now. It's also possible that you'll still find them too large for your frame and will want a revision (most PSes tend to assume, sometimes no matter what their patient says, that 'most women' regret not going bigger which is an entirely different can of worms), it's mostly that it's just hard to tell what they'll look like as their final result only a couple weeks out from the exchange.

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  • VegGal
    VegGal Member Posts: 507
    edited October 2017

    Mine, too, we're too wide on the first round, with anatomicals. My upper arms felt as though they were knocking into them all.the.time. Things got a tiny bit better with time, but not enough. Eventually I did a revision and that problem was solved.

    Give it time, yes. However, you seem to be reacting about as strongly as I did so don't feel you have to talk yourself out of your initial disappointment. Acknowledge it and live your life anyway! In a few months you can really evaluate the situation and if you still are unhappy you can revisit your surgeon or seek opinions of more. I got four opinions before doing my revision.

    It's a very emotional time and anesthesia and recovery can make any emotion more pronounced. Be kind to yourself, it's all fixable one way or another.

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  • TrmTab
    TrmTab Member Posts: 832
    edited October 2017

    VegGal

    I am having the implant/arm interference you mentioned...when you switched from anatomical to round, what size difference solved that issue for you?  100cc, more?

    Horsegirl, I am 5 weeks post-op today...still have swelling so I'm with you, currently DDD with implant, my natural breast is a D, ugh!

    I hope swelling goes down with time...my focus is more on the width...will share as I learn more.

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  • VegGal
    VegGal Member Posts: 507
    edited October 2017

    TrmTab, just .5 cm less in diameter and having a more projecting implant did the trick, along with some fancy work on one side to "shore it up" as the implant was drifting laterally. My new implants are actually a bit larger than the anatomicals, but their shape looks makes them look more compact.

    FWIW, my SCX's are DDD as well, 5 weeks out. I don't think there's any way around that with a large implant like we use. Sorry.

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  • horsegirl41
    horsegirl41 Member Posts: 6
    edited October 2017

    kcat

    Thank you. I'm just so frustrated because I DO NOT want any more down time. Every day that I cannot work a horse is a day without pay as I'm self employed. I don't want to "settle" though. Argh! So very frustrating. I'm actually a very patient person but it's the whole unknown factor that has me over the edge.


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  • horsegirl41
    horsegirl41 Member Posts: 6
    edited October 2017

    VegGal

    Thank you. I'm trying my best to be patient and allow gravity and my body to work on them. This was such a huge decision to do profilacticly and I do not regret it but I was not thinking I would still be dealing with this almost 6 months out. It may sound crazy but I'm trying to take a pic every 7 days so I can see concrete changes as I'm sure my eye can decieve me into thinking nothing is changing.

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  • TrmTab
    TrmTab Member Posts: 832
    edited October 2017

    Horsegirl

    I take a picture on Friday morning each week...so I now have a slide show of one week post-op, two weeks post-op, etc...now at 5 weeks post op.  I needed to do this as my swelling and bruising grew over the first two weeks, week 3 picture starts the pull back of bruising, but am still bruised over half the breast mound.  While they say step away from the mirror, this once a week picture has really helped me step away the other 6 days of the week.

    TT

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  • Imkopy2
    Imkopy2 Member Posts: 265
    edited October 2017

    Horsegirl,

    I am currently 7 months post op from my exchange. I had TE for 11 months. About 6 weeks post op I was hell bent on getting my implants fixed because I was soo unhappy with the final outcome. My oncologist even agreed I should get things fixed. I made appointments with other surgeons because I felt like my surgeon had done a huge disservice to me leaving me with 2 different sizes and very croooked that was noticeable even fully clothed. My warrior sisters kept telling me to step away from the mirror and even my sister in law told me to wait it out (she’s a 5 year survivor)

    In the last 2 weeks I have noticed a huge change in the shape and placement of my breasts. I kinda thought I was just getting used to them but then I saw my oncologist for the first time in 3 months. When she went to do her exam she said wow did you have your revision surgery? I laughed and was like no why? She said because they look so much better, more even and not like they’re 2 different sizes. Believe me I know how hard it is, but you just have to move on with life for now and let things chill out. I know you think your muscle was stretched by the expander but there is a lot of things that will happen over the next year. I have decided to just let nature take its course and see where I’m at a year or so down the road. Your implants are high, they’re wide and they need some time to find their spot in your body. It may take 3 months it may take a year but it will happen everyone is different. Go do what you love and work with your horses, and earn a living. Take solace in knowing you made the right decision (I’m also a CHEK2 carrier) and love life.

    They will become more natural looking mine certainly have and I’ve even noticed their starting to move when I lay on my side lol!

    Hugs to you and all of my warrior sisters out there!


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  • horsegirl41
    horsegirl41 Member Posts: 6
    edited October 2017

    lmkopy2

    Thank you. They are starting to change just a little bit. I'm trying not to fixate on them but it's tough. I told my husband that I'm going back to riding on Monday. No reason to keep waiting. Pain is pretty much gone so I'll wear a sportsbra and move on. I see my PS on the 25th. Talked to the nurse and she said if I'm still unhappy they will get me on the books for November and switch out to a smaller size. That possibility is keeping me moving forward.

    You are the first CHEK2 woman I have met outside of my family! No one seems to know about it.

    Again, thank you for your kind words and support.

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  • babyo20
    babyo20 Member Posts: 143
    edited November 2018

    hey all! I have a few things to ask and say about this subject but not sure if anyone is here lol let me know if anyone is listening and I will respond! Thank uou

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