Dealing with Chemo Alone

Welcome, Eperna, and thanks for sharing!

I drove myself to and from my double mastectomy. I'm really stressed now because dealing with all the surgeries and radiation alpine the first time was hard enough now the idea I might go through chemo alone. I don't know if I can. I have had to hide my feelings about the cancer or more so the treatment because my kids wouldn't understand and my parents are too emotional. All this time I acted like it's no big deal. But it was and is. I look like Frankenstein now let alone the possibility of being bald and sick. Not fun. My relationship with my bf ended during the first treatment when he wouldn't go with me and once when he dropped me off at the hospital door for a surgery then left not even walking me in. It was during that time that despite our 14 year relationship I knew he didn't love me. I have an ultrasound tomorrow. I hope it's nothing because I will probly have a mental break and and up in a padded room.

Hi HapB! I'm about to start the process alone. A/C next Thursday. Have some kind friends, but they are pretty busy at work--hoping to work through chemo without involving them too much--we'll see, I guess. Have two large dogs to walk so hope I can keep moving. I live in rural Maine so there aren't many resources. Want to keep heart functioning well so I'll probably do the fasting regimen 48 hours before/24 hours after chemo. Fingers crossed. Moving the bed downstairs near the bathroom. So sorry you're having a bad time of it. Your post was back in June so maybe things are better! Will find you in the other forums if you're not checking here.

I'm alone too. I have family and friends who love me, and two people help me each week with cold capping so that's a huge benefit. And my son has been helping with yard work each week. I've been lucky so far that I'm able to walk often and I've been able to manage SEs pretty well so far. My difficulty is being alone so much. When I settle down in the evening and it all hits me, I cry. I cry alone. Some days no one touches me at all. That is a struggle. I was a good, loving faithful wife for many years, but my ex was a very angry man who I suppose felt guilty about cheating, so he got angrier and took it out on me, so being alone is better than being abused, but it's still hard when the grief hits.

I know I should be thankful I have it better than so many, but I can't help wishing there was someone to hold me and tell me we're in this together. No time for that pity party right now though, so I guess I'll bottle it back up until tonight.

Thanks so much! Will do.

It's sad that too many of us are facing this alone. I know some of the married people here say they have to put on the happy face and hide the fear from their husbands so they understand, but I don't think that's the same at all. When they wake up at night, even if they can't turn to their husbands and cry, they can hear someone breathing next to them, feel the warmth of another person. It's not the same as being alone, truly alone. I try to remind myself that being alone in this journey is better than being abused by my ex in this journey, but I can't help remembering all the times he wasn't cruel, the times we laughed and played and loved and I remember how safe and comforting his arms were before they weren't.

I had just started to try online dating before my dx, but found every single man I met was too needy, every single one of them, so if that's all that's out there at my age (early 50s), I'd rather be alone anyway I suppose. The last thing I need is to have to take care of someone else right now. I suppose that's a plus to being alone.

I am single also, but the ex I had would have probably been more of a burden than help. I think it takes the right partner to go through something like this with, in order to not feel so alone. Even with that, unless they have had a similar DX, they really don't "get it". I remember being angry and scared when I was DX'd and the fear of being alone was over-whelming at first. My DD, Mom and BFF were probably my biggest supporters. My DD called me almost every day to check on me. MY BFF took me to almost all of my appts. The moral support and someone just being there is important. Even if you can't really convey what you are going through, it's nice to know that someone cares. When I was alone with my thoughts, I tried to remember all of the things I am thankful for, I journalled a lot and still do. I prayed a lot. I found a lot of support on these threads. I am always perplexed by the concept of being so over-whelmed with BC, but at the same time, comforted knowing that someone else is going through it too, even though you wouldn't wish it on anybody. Best wishes to you all and thank you for being here!

Hi Friendofpatient,

Welcome to the boards!

As well as posting here in the chemo forum, you might also find some recommendations for resources in the forum below:

Recommend Your Resources

We would suggest you create your own topic in this forum and hopefully some members will have some resources to hand. You can also suggest to your friend to try locate and talk to an oncologist social worker in her area who can recommend lots of resources for her.

Hoping you get answers soon!

The Mods.

I am divorced, unemployed (laid off a few months before dx) and my family lives out of the country and even if they were here I'd be alone. They have never been there for me. I also have two boys 11 and 15. I also broke up with man I had been dating just before dx. I sometimes feel sorry for myself. This past week it was super cold and my HVAC broke and I had to get a new one and be without heat for a week during chemo in super cold weather. I did have friends offer to have me stay with them but I declined except for spending one night with a girlfriend more for the company than anything else. Fortunately I have a dual zoned home so I had heat in my bedrooms and could survive at home for the most part. Also my pipes from and washing machine broke. In addition to the stress of unexpected home repairs while having chemo I also have to pay for my health insurance (CORBA) out of pocket, my copays and all my living expenses while being out of work for a year and so I am getting kicked in the teeth financially. Luckily I had good savings. I have this horrible need to sink into self pity but I have so much to be grateful for:

• I am grateful for my two sons who I love very much
• I am grateful for my cats who cuddle with me and follow me around
• I am grateful that even though my ex was cheating on me right and left during out marriage our divorce was healthy. We did a lot of therapy prior to divorce and he is working on himself and he is supportive of me now and his family still cares about me. I am totally not interested in him as romantic partner but he does show up as good co-parent and does care about me.
• I am grateful that three years prior to dx I did intensive therapy and developed a strong network of friends from my therapy groups. They help me so much.
• I am grateful I had savings
• I am grateful for my oncology team. I feel taken care of
• I am grateful I stopped dating someone who was not right for me before dx so I didn't have to deal with that with cancer
• I am grateful that I am well qualified and hopefully will get a job after chemo to avoid financial disaster
• I am grateful that I am eating well and exercising daily so that I have the strength to take care of myself and my boys
• I am glad cleaningforareason came and cleaned my house today. They are awesome
• Glad for the two free wigs I got and for the Mexican ladies who cut my sons hair who fussed over me and styled the wigs for me with so much love for $10
• Glad for my friends who have given me thoughtful gifts and who have loved me despite my self pity and glass half full attitude
• Grateful that I refused a couple of interviews when I found out I needed 5 months chemo with an honest disclosure of breast cancer and the recruiters from one of the places check in on me from time to time to see how I am feeling. Funny how sometimes strangers care.
• Grateful for my therapist
• Grateful to be alive today. I don't know what tomorrow will bring but I am managing to feel happy during chemo despite hives, hair loss and nueropathy
• Grateful to me able to cry out my sadness and the support I have had around the grief I have around my cancer, losing a friend who could not deal with my diagnosis, my family being absent, the loss of the man I was dating and the loss of my job and my savings
• Grateful to everyone who has loved me, hugged me, texted me and helped me through the dark times

jaybird, wow, so sorry you are dealing with this again. I hope your surgery goes well. Here's a ((HUG))!

Hi BexSpartan,

I know it's been a while but I am wondering how it went? I'm sorry you had to go alone (if you didn't want to). I hope you're doing all right!

BexSpartan, how did your surgery go?

I'm single and have been doing a mix of things/appointments on my own and with friends.

Often I feel like I don't want anybody around, or the few people I'd actually want around are the ones who live far away. I have good friends nearby, as in they are friends who are really good people who want to be supportive. But not necessarily who I want to be around when I'm so far from ok. I tend to being like a cat anyway when I'm not feeling great, wanting my alone time. But then... last night I had a dream being angry at one of my mom's for leaving me alone too much. The mother who died early this year after years of completely incapacitating dementia. (My other mother died of breast cancer18 years ago). So I guess I'm not as fine with being alone as I thought.

I'm in a weird place just now where I'm mostly physically fine after my lumpectomy/lymph node biopsy and before more treatment, but mentally and emotionally... not so much. I'm also physically somewhat extra tired, that I don't know how much of it is emotional and how much of it is still recovery. I haven't been comfortable asking a friend for straightening up in this state, where I feel like I ought to be able to do it. I should ask a friend to keep me company, but that requires organizing and logistics that I haven't really been up for. Ugh.

This is an old thread but I'm so glad to have found it. 

I've been dealing with all of this alone, from biopsies through current chemotherapy. I've dubbed it the "one woman show". There are no friends that live nearby to help. My cousins are also scattered about and unavailable. Other elderly relatives live a good distance away and they shouldn't be burdened with this. They have their own issues to deal with. 

The most trying time was dealing with the surgeries. Finding proper transportation to/from the hospital was an issue. I couldn't use a taxi, Uber or Lyft. It had to be someone or a service that would escort me to/from my door and be responsible for my safety. I wasn't eligible for elder transport services (due to age), medicare/Medicaid help, Road to Recovery has no volunteers in my area, etc. I had to book a private service offering transit to/from medical appointment for one surgery and an ambulance chair car for another. Managing at home post-surgery was also not fun alone. I was in pain, couldn't move well and actually afraid at points. What if I fell, passed out or had another emergency I couldn't easily handle? 

I'm now driving to/from chemo treatments by myself (except for the first one). If I have any issues with SE's I'll use an Uber. I'm ok with going there alone. It gives me time to relax plus you are never really alone. The staff has been wonderful to chat with. 

Shopping for groceries and doing laundry I've been able to manage so far on days I feel ok. I've stocked my cabinets and freezer with food items that are easy to prep. If any SE's become an issue there are services such as Instacart and PeaPod for basic groceries and meal prep plans too. Laundry, well luckily I have a ton of clothes, towels and sheets. If I can maintain a good stock of clean items now I should be able to ok if I just can't get out to the laundromat for any reason. The local laundromat also has a wash, dry, fold service if I just can't manage sitting around and doing it myself. 

My condo is small so basic cleaning hasn't been a problem so far. I do what I can now on days I feel good. I'm stocked up on cleaning supplies, garbage bags, toilet paper .. all the basics .. just in case. 

Ironic that this topic was bumped to the top the VERY DAY I needed it. Thank you. 😭

I'm 43, live alone with two 9 month old kittens. Today at my follow up with the surgeon I found out that even though the pathology report was good (clean margins, no cancer in lymph nodes), the cancer is grade 3/aggressive and I will likely need chemo (seeing the medical oncologist on Tuesday). Chemo scares me. Especially living alone.

My only immediate family is my younger sister who lives in another province (plus she is a single mom). Both my parents passed away last year from cancer. My support network is my friends and colleagues that live in my city. The struggle is that they are all around my age and busy with work and their families. So far, the only appointments I have gone to alone are the ones I chose to. However, chemo and radiation are different. It's not just the appointment, it's the after care and side effects.

I'm scared something is going to happen to me and no one will notice until it is too late.

I haven't read through all the messages in this thread, but am hoping there will be positive stories and great tips to help me through this.

Thanks for the response keepthefaith. I'm trying not to work myself into a blubbering mess, especially since I haven't even talked to the oncologist.

Big hugs