Stupid comments ....

TWills, we've all been there one way or another! You caught it and apologized and were very gracious. I think it's good for all of us to remember that most people are just trying to encourage us as we go through a bad time. The rest of them...not so much!

I take that opportunity for a teaching moment. I've learned a lot through my process and was guilty of the same misconceptions before diagnosis. If I can help someone be more vigilant, then it's worth the awkward conversation.

I've just stopped wearing my wig and have started back to yoga. I was in a class at a place I have never been to and a lady came m over to introduce herself, she said I might not remember your name but I'll remember your hair!! WTH! I almost said I would remember her missing teeth. I was nice instead.

I say this as a cat mom of 2: I'd rather have my cat as family. Allergies my ass! (Although cats aren't terribly helpful after surgery.)

Do you have anyone who can assist? Do you know what surgery you're having yet?

meshell5324 and eastcoastTS, I prefer my cat to everyone. My boyfriend and best friend are going to pick up most slack. I can be by myself for other blocks of time. I would rather it that way. It is just sad to think about how the people in your life can only be counted on until they can't be

ok eastcoast can I ask you to talk about that a bit more?

I'm struggling to redefine my relationship with my sisters who didn't cut and run when I got cancer, but who weren't super involved or supportive either. I can't keep being disappointed and upset when they forget I'm having surgery or don't show up when they say they wil. But what exactly does the redefinition entail? I want to keep somebody relationship with them.

So how have you ladies redefined those relationships with the people saying the hurtful things on this thread? Do you remove them entirely or modify the relationship?

I love when people comment on my new hair style and how much better my hair looks. Should I tell them "thanks, but it's a wig".

I think the mindset of people who make these comments is twofold. One is they are afraid of BC especially when someone they know has it. Of course it's not contagious but it's hit too close to home and two, they think once all the surgeries and treatments are completed we are cured so no need to talk about it anymore. They don't want to hear about a possible recurrence - newsflash neither do we.

There are also people who put the blame on us for getting it in the first place. Right - we asked for it.

I can understand them being in denial because they are really afraid it might happen to them. I had a friend who argued that it was all genetic and since she had no family history she was home free. The fact is for the most part the experts don't really know why some of us drew the unlucky card.

There are also people who avoid us like we have leprosy because it's easier for them to deal with it. What you don't know....

For the most part I had a supportive family and friends. I didn't confide in anyone about my fears except one person who had been through it all.

I guess you really find out who your friends are at a time like this.

Diane

You raise good questions, runor. I just had a friend ask me, "So you've finished all your treatments? You're cured now?" Well, that discussion has already unfolded on this site. There is no cure - there's treatment that makes us NED. Our surgeries and treatments are in the recent past - our hormonal therapy continues so we are still in treatment. If I tell anyone about my BC now, I say I was diagnosed in March.

MJ

good question. I agree. Is it i 'had' it, or am i in some type of holding period. My MO always says I'm in full remission. So is there a partial remission? She did say until I reach 3 years and then 5 she will say remission. I understand with my stats: 3b, inflammatory.

Stupid comment by a good friend: She had to come back for a diagnostic mammogram, and it was clear. She then said she would have just died if she had to go through what i did. Umm, I didn't die.

I get annoyed by hair comments. I know "it's only hair " and "it'll grow back", but it's my hair ! Don't call me "silly " or "vain" . I miss my hair mostly because it is really what makes me look sick and I am a very private person. But , yes, I'm guilty of missing itbecause I really liked my hair!

My husband makes comments that irritate that crap out of me. I tell him, you know it is harder for me to do the things I used to do since my DIEP surgery. His comment, "And how many years ago was that". Actually, the discomfort is more noticable now that nerves keep coming back to life.

I want to give a him swift kick in the ass.

Count my husband in as one for stupid comments. I recently finished the 2nd stage of my breast reconstruction. His comment was: "You'd like them better if you got the C cup instead of B".

F*ck him.

My Hub is of that same mindset, they cut the cancer out, it's gone, you have healed, you had a nice 3 week holiday at the cancer lodge for radiation, and now carry on. I find too that I CANNOT work like I used to. I poop out. It bothers me. I struggle to push myself, to heave and shove and dig and rake and shovel like before. But I can't keep up. He doesn't say too many insensitive things, other to say that as far as he's concerned the cancer is gone. Well bully for him. He sleeps at night. I hear him snore while I lay there and think about no longer being here. As in poof, gone, over and out, 10-4 good buddy. So while he doesn't say much, there has been no change in our daily lives that acknowledges that everything I do hurts now. I don't want to be a princess, but jeez, the last 10 months have sucked hard and changed my life forever. Can we at least acknowledge that?