Starting Chemo May 2017

Thought I’d share a little good news, I think my hair is growing back! I have soft fluffy peach fuzz all over my head, and I keep petting it. Ha ha! I’ve dyed my hair for so long that I don’t really know it’s true color anymore, but as of now, it’s either totally gray or light blonde. I’m sure it’s gray, and that’s fine. At least it’s hair. I probably won’t dye it anymore, I figure I don’t need any extra poison in my life.

I’m sure we’ll all agree that BC has changed us. I’m certainly not as perky and confident as I once was, and I’m more reflective and serious. I keep thinking of everything I want to do next year when my treatments are behind me. But why don’t I just go ahead and do them now? I keep using the excuse of not feeling well, but I’m not sure that’s a legit excuse. Why do I feel that I have to lay low and take it easy instead of grabbing life now?

I didn't lose ALL the hair on my head - just most of it - while I was on AC. When I began Taxol I still had quite a few long wisps of brown hair, the color that I dyed my original hair. (I'm not kidding when I say my wispy comb-over was reminiscent of a baby chimpanzee or Linus, Lucy's bro!) I also managed to keep all the rest of my body hair, eyelashes and eyebrows. That is, until Taxol treatment #9 was delayed a week. Soon after, I lost my bottom eyelashes. Then my top eyelashes, eyebrows and remaining head hair became very sparse. Thursday is my last chemo treatment - Taxol #12 - and something tells me I will soon lose whatever is left! Oh well. Might as well start from scratch! I'm sure my hair will come in grey and I'm going to be leaving it. My hairdresser is already collecting photos of interesting highlights and rinses for grey hair.

When I was first diagnosed in mid-April, waiting for the outcome of biopsies and scans and then dealing with the results had me in an almost constant state of anxiety. Waiting weeks to meet with a surgeon and then a medical oncologist, and not having a plan of action for 35 days, felt paralyzing. My lifesaver was and is my primary care physician who would call me weekly to see how I was doing and now encourages me to call her whenever I need to talk. I hope you each have someone like her in your life. She suggested that I take buspirone HCL to "take the edge off," and I can't say enough about what a difference it has made in my attitude and outlook. I have always been a confident, take-charge sort of person; being good at my work is important to me, as is taking care of my home, family and friends. I can't say exactly how long it took, but one day - maybe a month after starting buspirone - I realized that the feelings of dread and anxiety were gone and I was able to get a good night's sleep, put in a full day's work, enjoy time with family, go out with friends and laugh, return to my artwork. I felt strong and positive again. Maybe this would have happened eventually without the medication, but why suffer? There will always be something new and frightening to face - surgery, pathology, radiation therapy, hormone therapy, the future - and if a 5 mg tablet can help me to live every day to the fullest, then I'm all for it.

I admit, I didn't start the buspirone as soon as I was given the prescription. The list of potential side effects seemed prohibitive! But in the weeks before port placement I decided to try it. It's important to take buspirone at the same time each day, and because it can cause drowsiness I asked my PCP if it was necessary to take 2 5mg tablets daily as prescribed. She advised me to start with 1 5mg tablet at bedtime and this is the dosage I've been on for the past 5 months. It's quite sufficient for me. Some people even cut the tiny 5mg tab in half. If you feel depressed or "not yourself," unable to function or think clearly, I suggest that you speak with your physician.

Wishing you all the very best.

Hi Paulette, My understanding is that Ativan's generic form is Lorazepam. I have no experience with Ativan/Lorazepam, but I've looked up the differences between them and here's what I've found:

Ativan (Lorazepam) helps you relax, is effective for occasional or short-term anxiety, is less likely to have drug interactions but more likely to cause withdrawal symptoms compared to similar drugs. Can cause memory problems, drowsiness, dizziness and confusion; can be habit-forming, so not typically used for long-term treatment; more likely to cause withdrawal if taken for a long time and suddenly stopped; many find it gets less effective over time. Used for Anxiety and Insomnia.

Buspar (Buspirone) helps you relax, is effective for treating Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), is less effective for short-term use. Works very well to control symptoms of GAD and does not cause physical dependence or withdrawal symptoms. It is only available as a generic, so the cost is low. Can take as long as 4 weeks to become fully effective, not as effective for short-term anxiety conditions or panic disorders. Most people find it loses effectiveness over long periods of time, can cause drowsiness or dizziness when you first start so be careful of activities that require mental alertness until you are used to the medication. Used for Anxiety.

In response to your question about whether you should be taking Ativan daily...based on the online info, I would say probably not. But this is something you should discuss with your physician. My doctor was very helpful. I didn't want to become dependent upon an anti-anxiety med, so she suggested Buspirone. Being my primary care physician, she was able to check for drug interactions with any other meds I am taking. And when I told her that I couldn't have drowsiness or dizziness impacting driving or work, she suggested I take 5mg at bedtime. She did warn me that as time goes on, Buspirone may become less effective, which is why I started with a low dose. 5mg has been very effective for me, and so far, all I need.

Good Luck with Taxol #4 on Friday!

I started chemo in July but, am posting here because I've been reading posts from Moodyblues and MrsRobin58.  I am doing neoadjuvant, did 4 AC and now doing weekly taxol w/ carboplatin. Well, my platelets (and RBC, WBC) are so low, 39K, that they could not treat me this week and it pushed me further into a funk, I feel devastated. I use to be so full of life and now, I just can't. I think part of this funk is because I was always a woman with a plan and a goal and now I'm just drifting.

I am a government chemist for 24+years and decided to go to Nursing school at night and become and RN, at age 50, so that I could give back. Well, my last topic in school was breast disorders. Nurses are responsible for teaching their patients how to do BSE (Breast Self Exam). I never have done this; just did mammo/sono yearly since age 40. So, as I was teaching myself how to do BSE, I found the lump. So I graduated nursing school and two weeks later got diagnosed with breast cancer. 

I had planned on continuing on with schooling but chemo is exhausting (I work full time). I have no plan. A friend told me that my new plan is to get healthy but I have no control over this. Not being able to get my treatment feels like I can't even follow thru on a plan to get healthy. 

I just needed to rant; I know everyone here gets it. Serious illness is just so devastating. I sometimes think it is the last piece of my nursing education - learning how my patient's feel. I'm a reason and logic person (not religious) trying to make sense of this. 

Thanks for listening...

msrobin58- best of luck with Taxol 7. Hoping your counts are all within range.

Taxol #7 is a go, but after much discussion. It’s my neutrophils that continue to drop. Seems like I’m heading for another delay soon if this trend continues. They’ve decided to up my Granix injections to three times a week. Those suckers really make my already bad back ache! I’ve been icing it often.

The Benadryl in my pre meds doesn’t make me quite as loopy these days, perhaps I’m getting used to it. I talked to the PA about the sleepless nights that always follow treatment day, and she said if I want to take a Benadryl, that’s fine. But if I don’t mind the sleepless night, that’s okay too. It really doesn’t bother me anymore. I stay up watching movies, crocheting, reading my book, etc. And the next day I’m full of steroid energy without even realizing that I’m operating on two hours sleep. Oh yes, and she said they want us to have the flu shot, and we’ll get it here when it becomes available.

Lightseeker.  The two times that I had to wait an extra week for treatment I can honestly say that I felt so much better and stronger when I went in for my next treatment.  Was I happy that I had to wait- no, but I get it now.  I built up strength so much in that 7 days!  I did say to my nurse that I personally thought that my platelets would go up to where it needed to by Wednesday (this was Monday), she replied that it didn't matter what I thought, the doctor said no...she smiled and gave me that genuine loving look that she had and I laughed.  

I agree with what Msrobin said in her second paragraph, she is so very right!  As for your friend who said "your new plan is to get healthy", that is true.  You will have a delay but, will jump right back on the chemo wagon asap. 

It all takes some time and we all seem to have our waves (stages) of intense feelings.  Shock, anger, despair etc. come in waves....it does get better and when we think we have control, we don't.  It is hard, but with support from friends near us and ladies here, we get through it.  I was so glad to find people that truly understood what I was feeling and could relate to me.  Take care of 'you', remove extra stressors in your life, rant and rave here, try to keep walking (moving), cry, breathe deep, eat some fruit and whine when you need to.  

Hugs to you,

Melanie

Thanks for all of the positive vibes.

Doc said the delay is kind of written into the program (with Carbo) - they expect it. She said she would be happy if I could tolerate 2x Carbos along with my 12 Taxols. The tumor is definitely shrinking (after 3xTaxol/1xCarbo). She also told me about Xeloda if I have residual cancer (I'm 3xNeg).

I'm going to try and focus on the fact that I feel good instead of the fact that I missed my chemo. I get to choose where I put the magnifying glass.

Thanks,

Eve

Breastlessbeth, Yes, when you hit Post a Reply you expect your response to show up under the message you're replying to. That it ends up at the bottom of the thread requires scrolling up to find the original message. Or you have to recap the message you're responding to for it to make sense!

As you note, most May chemos are scheduled to wrap up soon. I know you've had delays, and I had a one week delay on Taxol. My last neo-adjuvant chemo treatment was yesterday. Did you complete your chemo regimen? If you've managed to get through chemo, you've already come so far.

Am I understanding correctly? Did you have a first bout of cancer over 21 years ago that was treated and in remission; then today, 11 years later, have a recurrence or new cancer? Have you discussed your change of heart (from mastectomy to foregoing surgery) with your medical oncologist and surgeon? You're only 57. Please discuss this with your medical team and family before you come to any firm decision. Ask all your questions and think the options over carefully. Like Moodyblues, I care and want you to make the best informed choice for YOU. I wish you the best.

To answer..

I finished chemo 8/25. It kicked my butt. I had to get 2 units of blood this past Thursday. My counts are in the toilet and I have to deal with a surgeons staff member who feels I have to have surgery scheduled but can always cancel. Not that easy when I have to prepare all kinds of things since I am on my own. There is a great deal of mental prep that has to happen too.

Oh and to top it all off, my 23 year old son found a lump in his r breast. It feels round to me so hopefully a cyst. He goes to the Doctor monday.

Hi ladies! I just wanted to check in on those of you who are still in chemo. I think of you often, and hope all is going smoothly. I too wish we could reply to individual posts. I read everything, but by the time I get to the end, I have a hard time replying to everyone.

Update on me: My last infusion was 8/24, and right now my head is covered in about a centimeter of fuzzy hair. It started off white, but after growing for a few weeks, the color is coming back. I'm going to try to get the white ends buzzed off in a couple of weeks. My brows started growing back just this week, and I look like I have a five o'clock shadow where the brows should be. I just noticed today that I have eyelashes! The neuropathy in my hands and feet is decreasing. There is still a little tingling, but it is definitely getting better.

I've done 10 of my 30 rads sessions, and I can definitely see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Lovepugs, thanks for the update.  It feels good to say chemo is over doesn't it?!  I am over the chemo and will be doing 6 treatments of Herceptin.  

I go to my reconstructive surgeon next week to set up removal of tissue expander and inserting implant, I will be glad to finish up that part as well.  I know my breast will never feel natural again, I am just hoping that it stops feeling like an overly large water balloon under my left arm when I sleep at night on my left side.  You never really realize how good that you have it till your health has been compromised.

Hi ladies, now that I’ve done three Taxol in a row without delays, I see what they say about the side effects being cumulative. I’ve even had a bit of nausea, which was a Taxol first for me. The most difficult part for me has been trying to eat enough when everything just tastes nasty! I have to choke down enough food to sustain me, and three times daily seems like such a chore.

As far as blood counts go, mine are in the toilet. I’ve barely snuck in under the wire the last two times, and the nurse practitioner anticipates another delay soon. They upped my Granix injections to three times a week. I haven’t been as achy from it as I was at first, and I think that’s because I’ve tried to keep moving around, which helps.

I’ve planned myself a little getaway to my beachy hometown in Michigan, carefully scheduling the driving days for when I’ll be most perky. I hope I feel well enough to enjoy it, but I look at it this way. First of all, my best friend is there. And second of all, what better place to chill than the beach when you aren’t feeling well. I’m something of a hobby photographer, so that’s usually my main activity. Fall colors should be perfect too, and that lighthouse is just begging to be photographed at sunset.

msrobin58-- my hair started growing back as white fuzz but is now dark colored. It isn't long enough to know if it's dark brown or black yet.

Enjoy your trip ... I am so looking forward to a trip of some kind in 2018.

Doing #8 this morning, lo and behold my counts were actually in the normal range! The staff was seriously shocked, as I was. Apparently upping my injections to three has finally got my blood getting its act together and behaving itself. Onward!