Are you a "survivor"?
With Pinktober upon us, I'm wondering how other Stage IVs feel about the term "survivor". Is this a word that you use to describe yourself? When I was first diagnosed Stage IV de novo, I thought, "I guess I'll never be a 'survivor.'" Do you feel that this term applies to Stage IV? If not, do you have a preferred term?
Comments
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Pinktober bothers me more than survivor. I too am Stage IV de novo since February 7, 2013 so 4 1/2 years of surviving with this ick. My life changed and my body is in survival mode so I guess it's appropriate, for me at least.
Amy
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Nope. I'm a 'member' of this community and a live-r.
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I don't think of myself as a survivor. I think of a survivor as someone who has been through a terrible experience, one that has ended, and the person has somehow managed to live though it - survived. I am still living with mbc. Granted, I am still here living my life, and I have not let MBC become the focus of my life, but there has been no end. I don't mind Pam's term of live-r since it highlights the fact that we are still living in spite of our disease, but it does remind me of my organ that happens to have mets. Lol. I have seen the term "lifer" applied to us. I kind of like it. I think of it this way. 1. I am living a full life even with mbc. 2. I will most likely have the disease for the rest of my life, so a lifer.
I think we all look at these things differently. There is no wrong or right.
Lynne
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I was diagnosed Stage IV de novo too (June 2014) and I do not consider myself a survivor either. Lynne's (50sgirl) post sums it up pretty well for me (except "lifer" still connotes a prisoner to me - but I like the reasoning). I don't have a preferred term and I'm not a fan of the fighter or warrior theme for myself either. It just doesn't seem to apply. I still have both of my breasts and the tumor; haven't had chemo or radiation; never lost my hair (although it has thinned out quite a bit) and my quality of life is very good. To look at me you would never know I have terminal cancer. It is a surreal existence. Poor me, right?
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Lisa, I want to first mention Pinktober which for some dang blasted reason is starting to morph in to Pinktember. What the what???!!! My local newspaper ran a full page ad yesterday for some gawd awful soccer tournament to celebrate, commemorate or fund raise this month for that freeking pink disease. You know, its getting like Christmas, where retailers haul out the red and green decor and gifts in October for the December holiday. Now the same deal with pink starting so early.
As for the term survivor. I think of myself as an exceptional responder since I was dx stage iv de novo in 2011. As women with mets, we are usually misrepresented thru the pink month. We dont really fit into the term "survivor" which makes things complicated and messy, and the general public don't like complicated and messy. Just the sanitized version of breast cancer, please! Hollywood depictions of women with bc are often of sickly, bald females with a chemo iv in the arm. Many of us with mets appear "normal" and aren't seen by others as ill. Like you said, Animal Crackers, it is a kind of surreal existence. I appreciate that you said that.
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It sounds like we share a similar sense of ambivalence for the term "survivor." I'm still looking for a better one. I may warm up to "lifer." I definitely cannot do "warrior," though I wouldn't take any of these terms away from someone else, if they felt right for them.
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Hi everyone-if a name has to be used to describe us, other than the strongest people anyone would have the pleasure of knowing-it's thriver. We continue to put one foot in front of the other and propell ourselves forward. That's my definition of a thriver.
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I lean towards "thriver" and "lifer". I don't identify with survivor since our treatment is lifelong and ongoing.
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Propeller sounds good to me, scoutabout. I am a survivor, if based only on elapsed time (10 years!) since mets diagnosis and progression-free survival. It is a medical term and survival definitions are used as endpoints in clinical trials even for metastatic disease. Treatment for early stagers is also getting longer, with additional years of treatment translating to longer survival.
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I am survivING so far, but I don't like the term survivor. It does seem to imply my trials are over and I have survived. But I AM surviving with what I've been dealt. Don't like thriver. I'm definitely not thriving. I'm doing well, living my life..but thriving feels over the top like I'm doing extra great. I'm not. Lifer isn't terrible, but it reminds me of prison (I guess this is like a prison). So, I guess when people say I'm a survivor, my response is .."well, I'm surviving for now" to which I usually get a response like.."oh, don't say that"..as if it weren't true and I was just being a downer on myself.
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Stefajoy, you have put my thoughts into words. I have yet to find a "word" that adequately describes this stage of my life.
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Towards the end of my chemo (June 2017) a friend asked my 8 year old whether mommy is a fighter, to which he responded 'no, but she is flexible'... That kind of defines life for me now, it is a constant flux, certain uncertainty. Hard to explain to anyone who is not in this space.
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I personally do not identify with the label "survivor". I didn't years ago and I certainly don't now that I'm stage IV. I felt like it was just something crappy that happened to me that I had to get through. Not sure what to consider it now.. still at the "this freaking sucks" stage.
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Someone told me: You're a survivor if you hear the word cancer and don't drop dead. That was 25 years ago at my first DX. So, I have continued to call myself a survivor throughout my four DX. I figure as long as I'm living, I'm a survivor. I've heard the word cancer four times and haven't dropped dead, yet!
Yes, I wish there was a different word for MBCers. It would raise awareness and give us our own unique description, because we all know the word METASTATIC sends chills down our spines. It's our worst nightmare come true. I'm not a fan of trying to explain MBC by saying it's becoming just another chronic disease.
I have not come up with a better word, yet. If I dream one up, I'll be sure to post.
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