Mets Members: Could you share your insight?

I love nature! If I need to quiet my mind, I go outside and it seems I can always find something beautiful to focus on...birds, butterflies, how the sun shines through trees,etc.

For motivation I have 2 horses and 2 dogs. Taking care of them or plying with them gets me Going. You might laugh but there are days like today, when I don't want to get out of bed, but I have a horse with skin issues and huge needs special medicine done. I got up because I was not going to let him suffer just because I overdid it yesterday. Then the dogs needed to be fed, I had a meeting this afternoon about a local support group I want too start here locally. Next thing I know its late afternoon and I have been productive all day!

One other thing, laughter! This morning a friend posted an old comic clip of Red Skelton. I laughed until my stomach hurt! Find a funny book, a clip of a comedian and have a good belly laugh!

I've created a playlist on Spotify and added songs that I've found encouraging, grounding, or peace inspiring. When I'm having a panicky dayor start to worry, I play a few of those songs to help me get back on track.

When I am feeling down or frustrated, I stop and make a list of things in my life that are good and that I am thankful for. I focus on what I have and what cancer CAN NOT take from me.

My art is what takes me away to another place. Focusing on a beautiful project leaves no room for ruminating on the dark stuff....I feel a sense of accomplishment which is important to me and it is something I will be leaving behind for others to enjoy and remember me.

hi Marsha,

It would help to see your diagnosis info.

I took six rounds of taxotere last summer and lost my hair. It's back now. But found a nice wig, it helped.

Now I take Herceptin, perjeta and xgeva

Chemo affects you in a negative way, certainly, but untreated mets I believe are even more painful and fast if untreated. Chemo side effects are better than a completely unmanaged cancer.

Before I was diagnosed I often thought If it ever happened to me, I would choose not to suffer thru horrible chemo side effects as seen in movies, etc. BUT, chemo has not been as bad as it was in the past, they use things like steroids (which made me feel better than normal!), and they have better anti nausea meds. I never had nausea, but I had the prescriptions filled just in case.

If you are in pretty good shape to begin with, you may do pretty well.

I still work and have never stopped except for treatments, dr visits and vacations, even overseas, lots of walking and so on.

I would give it a shot. You can always bail out and take the gamble on not continuing treatment. But treatment will likely work for awhile, and if you cruise this website, there are a LOT of women living several years plus w grim diagnoses to start with. And living pretty well.

The best shot is asap with chemo. See how the cancer responds, you will likely be amazed.

My work as a teacher has been my inspiration. But, after living with this disease for 17 months, I am starting (again) to feel uncertain. I had a rough go of it as my Mother died in February 2016, I was diagnosed a few days later. I had surgery in April to insert a rod in my femur for stability and, so sad to say, my loving, wonderful partner of 13 years went home after my surgery and passed of a massive heart attack. In the meantime, I have been trying to move on and enjoy my life as it is. My docs are great and I have had rad, chemo and now am on immumo and hormone therapies. But, my question is this, does anybody with MBC just get tired of waiting for it to progress? I don't mean to sound crude or despondent, but I find it hard now trying to figure out my life with this disease. For example, do I go back to school in the fall or take advantage of my disability benefits. I would hate to keep working and then be so sick that I can't enjoy even the basics of life. If I go out on disability, I could enjoy my life for as long as I have it....I know this makes no sense...sort of like my life right now.

Last year my family had a series of crises, and I came out of it determined to live and to look for happiness, no matter how awful things got. In those days I frequently quoted Winston Churchill, "When you're going through hell, keep going." (Also, some Zen wisdom, "What's in the way is the way.")

Relax and breathe, I tell myself. Every day, all day long. I need all those reminders. Not everyone does.

I do better when I am focused on the here and now. We have a limited number of days here. All of us. But in Stage IV, we can't escape that awareness. Search for what makes you feel light, free, grateful, happy. Look for what elicits positive emotions. Forgive yourself and others. Be patient, be kind, be appreciative. Be curious, be open.

It's been nearly three years since my stage IV diagnosis, and I frequently forget that I have terminal illness. I feel okay right now, and it's a beautiful day.

Have distractions. I know it might sound silly, but it works. I'm a technical writer learning how to develop mobile and desktop apps! Plants vs. Zombies, too. Oh, GAME OF THRONES!

...you say you have friends and family...what does a MBC patient do when no one cares if she dies? what would your advice be to her? i'm an adoptee whose adopted parents discarded me; I have two children (one 27, one 13)--they really love me, but strangely don't care about me--they don't help me when i am swimming in pain. They don't help me when i can't walk to the bathroom or go up and down stairs, etc....i told my mom i had cancer a couple of years ago, she said "..go luck with that..." i haven't see my father in more than 20 years...i have a brother who lives down the street from me who wouldn't help me watch my daughter when i said I found a lump...i worked for a boss who deducts my pay and harrasses me when i try to get treatment...my daughter's father won't helps us if I don't have enough money to keep the lights on or put food on the table...what would you tell a woman with MBC who has nothing and no one? how does she find the courage to even wake up in the morning? what would you say to a woman, who has no hope?

My strategy is actually the way I've always lived my life. I've never allowed anything external to define me, not any of the situations I encountered before I encountered cancer. Sure, cancer is a biggie but all the philosophies I've determined my life by are keeping my head above water.

Don't let your illness define you....you're more than your illness.

Be an optimist....I'm an optimist and I intend to always be an optimist no matter what happens.

Live in the moment...do what you enjoy and get lost in it.

Look for the joy in life...there's a lot of joy in even the tiniest thing, watching the clouds, sipping a warm cup of tea, reading a good book, looking at the way the sun glitters on the leaves in a tree, feeling warm and cosy on a cold day.....

Gratitude....this is the key to being happy when there doesn't seem to be a lot to be happy about. Start by finding three things to be thankful for each day. A warm shower is a good start. Even though we all know there are days when just taking a shower seems almost too difficult to even think about doing, it does feel good afterwards to feel fresh and clean. Each day write down the three things you're grateful for and soon the list will begin to grow, as your attitude becomes more positive.

A little treat now and then...buying yourself a good book. Chatting with friends on social media if it's too difficult to go out. Finding a hobby you've never tried or wanted to try before. I've started doing needlepoint even though I don't like sewing as it's something I can manage around my pain and I get pleasure from filling in the picture.

Know that there will be bad days and accept them but don't cling to them....everything in life is temporary.

Enjoy the good spells to the utmost but again, don't cling to them.....everything in life is temporary.

I am still really struggling with the stage 4 diagnosis and starting treatment. But, I have found a few things that help. I finally came up with a little saying to slow me down when I head towards anxiety. It is "Worry is normal and to not worry is fine." This helps me validate my feelings and realize that the worry should not be my only emotion.

Vryameshrew48: I am so sorry things are so bad. I can relate to feeling abandoned by people now that I am stage 4. With help from a counselor I realized that a lot of people (my 20 something kids included) are in denial about my cancer and how bad it is. It is confusing to see a healthy looking woman and realize she is ill. Your kids may just be protecting their hearts

Leapfrog, thanks for the tips. I love things presented in a list. Here's mine:

Read vrtameshrew's post and realize how lucky I am.

Read it again.

vrtameshrew, it seems you may be better off without the ex. My 32 year old son doesn't pay much attention to my cancer probably because he is in denial and also he is living his own life with his new wife. I'm glad that he is independent and doesn't need constant interaction with me. That is good for them. They need to be out on their own. Your kids are younger but independence is still good.

My approach is to just enjoy every single minute, whatever I am doing. I love a good book. I love a good meal. I love good music. I love a good movie. I just sit and say, "this is nice right now."