Here I am

A second opinion is a great idea to start. Even if the info and recommendations are the same - it will give you some peace and allow you to process it more. Being in Maryland gives you a lot of top notch choices. Johns Hopkins is highly rated and Frederick Memorial is now associated with MD Anderson.

Have you already met with a medical oncologist (MO)? They will determine the need for chemo and the best choices. You will probably need further testing if not done already. An MRI can show both breasts and some nodes. In some cases, chemo is given before surgery to shrink the tumor and may make lumpectomy an option.

Not everyone loses eyebrows and eyelashes, either. It depends on the chemo and the person. Most do lose their hair so seeing someone about a wig (if you think you'd like one) before chemo starts is a good idea. They can help match color and style.

All of these things are overwhelming right now and that's normal. Fear is a common emotion. Try to breathe. Information sometimes both helps and hurts - maybe a little at a time is good. It's a steep learning curve of stuff you wish you never had to know.

You may want to have treatment closer to home, but it would be worth a trip to a major research/teaching facility for a 2nd opinion. NotVEryBrave is right to recommend an NCI hospital

http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/breast_center/team_...

Remember, surgeons cut. Make sure you see a medical oncologist before you make any decisions. Often times now chemo may come before surgery. Especially if you are HER2 positive (and that's a good thing in terms of treatment possibilities) Those decisions should be made by a medical oncologist working with your surgeon. Also if you're considering reconstruction, you need to meet with a Plastic Surgeon now.

Got it about the brows. I figured I could live w/o lashes & hair on my head, but NOT brows. I used Latisse on my lashes & brows. It was expensive, but worked well for me. Eyebrows got kind of thin but I never lost them. Several women got tatooed brows. You can work around anything.

When you get a chance, go to My Profile and post the details about your diagnosis and treatment plans so far. Make sure you check "public" so we can see your specs. Hang in there.

hi brightness, sorry u are going through this. Once your docs have given u more info and a treatment plan you will feel a little better. Use castor oil for lashes and brows. And if your interested you can cold cap to save your hair. It's pricey but you won't go bald. I lost 50% so I never went bald and it helped me cope with not looking sick. Good luck. You can do this.

By the way, if you really can't stop crying, call your PCP or your GYN and get some anxiety medication. There's no shame is taking meds for awhile with this shock & diagnosis.

Yes, Dr Bedi is a BS. I won't see a MO until after surgery as my pathology indicates surgery first, then adjunct treatment decisions based on final pathology. It's the pathology that drives the treatment plan and the sequence of when and what treatments proceed, as I understand it. Deb, the nurse navigator at Mercy's breast center, is awesome and I'm sure she will be glad to help you with questions if you reach out to her. She's a BC survivor herself. Her card with her contact information is in the front of the binder in the bag that you got at your first appointment or PM me and I'll send it to you.

You are still that intelligent and capable woman. It will get better.

And it still will. This is the worst of it, the waiting, getting the appts set up, meeting the drs. When all you want is to be done with it yesterday. Now you are starting to have it come together, baby steps, yes.

There will be tests, appointments, get a calendar to keep track of when you are supposed to be where. Ask you PCP for anxiety meds for short term use. Nothing to be ashamed of there.

I'm 5 years out from treatment. Doing fine. This is the best place to be fo support, you can do it

Brightness - if your boss is willing to work with you, I would keep the part time job for now. It will give you something to focus on besides the waiting. And really - call your PCP or you GYN and get a prescription for either depression or anxiety depending on what they think. There is no reason to suffer so much mental anguish without help.

Also, do talk to the MO before surgery. If you are HER2 Positive, the usual order of things now is chemo first with Herceptin & possibly Perjeta. Those drugs are life savers.

Brightness - well 3/4 of a positive post is spectacular. Good idea to talk to your two friends who have been through cancer. You can do this. I started traveling again only one year after all treatment. I don't lift a suitcase into the overhead compartment anymore, and probably I'll never consider a marathon or scaling Everest, but I have had some lovely trips.

Brightness, I'm glad you have friends in real life to walk through this with you, in addition to the support here. You're in the worst position right now--just a little bit of knowledge and no firm treatment plan. I know I was a hot mess for the first 2 months, until I had the surgeries behind me and visits to two oncologists.

As for being afraid of surgery, I'd say that's a big concern for everyone, especially if you've never had surgery before and don't know how this all goes down. I remember my first surgery, years and years ago. I'm a nurse, but surgery isn't my field. I was terrified--and it wasn't even cancer! The morning of surgery I was absolutely panic-stricken. Thankfully, my surgeon was understanding. He sat down with me and listened to my fears. Once I found my voice, I realized that my real fear was that I wouldn't wake up. So he went and got the anesthesiologist and HE sat down and explained everything that he does, how he gives the meds, how he would monitor me during the procedure, how he wakes me up. He was very concerned that I not feel pain or suffer nausea needlessly. And then he told me something that changed my way of thinking about surgery: He told me that he gives anesthesia to 4-5 people per day, 5-6 days a week. That includes children having their tonsils removed, women having hysterectomies, old ladies having their bunions repaired, and middle aged men having a heart valve replaced. For some reason, that was very comforting to me to hear that even babies and old people were safe in his hands. I asked him if I could have something to help me with the anxiety and he immediately gave me something through my IV. It didn't put me out, but it calmed me down considerably so I wasn't so hysterical anymore.

Since that day I have had at least 10 other surgeries. Not even kidding. I've had everything from gall bladder to knee joint replacement to BMX. In every instance I go in telling the nurses that I am nervous and I'm going to need something for the anxiety ASAP. I find that the pre-op nurses and doctors are very conscientious about making sure my questions are answered. They work together to keep things calm, keep me physically warm, and talk to me every step of the way. It makes me feel like I have some measure of control. I have a ton of respect for these nurses and doctors, because you know they do this all day, every day and they never seem to forget that its YOUR surgery experience.

Your friends are right--you probably will feel more in control once you get a plan in place. Until then, you might want to talk to your doctor about getting something to help you with the anxiety. Lots of us find that we need a little pharmaceutical help during this time.

Maybe a few sessions with an oncology therapist would help? Life has handed you some setbacks, a therapist could help you deal with these.

Nobody can promise what you want. We can only tell you how we deal with this. The large majority of us go on with happy lives. Even those who have progression hang around here.

It is hard to believe that once your treatment plan is in place and started that it DOES get better. So keep making those plans for your new house.

You don’t have to be strong! Throw that old canard out the window (and shoot it for good measure). Fall apart if necessary, you’re entitled! BUT…….

You will not die in surgery. You will not be disfigured, much less forever. But you are also not your breasts, your hair, nor your contours. Nobody stares at small-busted or even flat-chested women. Nobody notices (unless they’re shallow and competitive, and who cares what they think anyway?).

I panicked three times: first, when I got that mammo report (the very next day) mentioning a “focal asymmetry” after 19 consecutive “normal” annual reports; second, in those two weeks between ultrasound & biopsy, when I was away on business; and then the night of the next day after the biopsy when I heard the words “invasive” and “carcinoma.” (There was so much in the news about DCIS that I assumed that if the biopsy wasn’t benign, it would be no worse than DCIS). The next morning, when my gyne called me back and told me who to call for which appointments, I calmed down a little more with each appointment I made. I didn’t see an MO till after my surgery, when I had the good news about the histology, margins, and nodes; but the next 10 days until I got my OncotypeDX results and then the two weeks until my genetic tests came back were nearly as nerve-wracking as the two weeks between ultrasound and biopsy. But as each piece fell into place, and each phase of treatment was over, things got more normal.

It gets better. You’ll have your ups & downs, and you will probably have a difficult few months, maybe a year. But then you will get back to your life and one day you will get through an entire day of living without thinking “I have cancer."

Oh my goodness Brightness, we've all been there! No need to worry about scaring us off!! While it sounds like your daughter is trying to look out for you, I do think that the learning curve is steep and reading about women who've had similar diagnosis but selected different treatment options will help you develop a good list of questions so you can ask more targeted questions. You will most likely be meeting with several different types of specialists (and maybe more than one of each if you want second opinions), so having an idea of what each one could do for you, and what type of info you want from them (in addition to their expert opinion about your specific risk profile and the treatment associated risk reduction) is important. If someone hasn't mentioned it yet, it is a good thing to start a binder with all of your written reports, pathology etc, to take with you. Get copies of your images on CD. Your pathology report will give you the histology and margin info. If you have questions, post the language here and we will help you.

We are "in your pocket" tomorrow. Let us know how it goes. Being afraid is ok. YOU CAN DO THIS!