Advice for a Daughter

Hello all,

My mom was diagnosed this week with stage IV breast cancer, mets to liver and bone. She apparently had a breast mass that she ignored for several months, unknown to all of us. Recently, she started developing symptoms of ascites and that is when she went to the doctor. We are all kind of reeling and unsure of what to do next. She is scheduled to have a port placed today, and if she gets the ok after her heart scan, will likely start chemo on Friday. Her prognosis with chemo was "months, not years". I am trying to be hopeful and also realistic. Has anyone dealt with a similar beginning to their stage IV story?

I don't have much information at this point about the specifics of her type of cancer, or the meds that they will use for chemo. My parents chose to go to the appointments alone and I'm getting a lot of information secondhand. We have no family history of any kind of cancer, so this has truly blindsided us. I'm four hours away from my family, and planning on being with my parents as much as I can through this. My mom is everything to me.

If you all would be so kind, I'd really like some tips on how to handle this and what to expect. My mom is very uncomfortable with the ascites, but they don't want to drain it at this point. Should we seek a second opinion about that? Any tips on helping her to be more comfortable? She has lost a lot of weight, and was already tiny to begin with. I'm trying to find ways to pack a lot of protein and calories into small meals for her, any advice you have would be so appreciated. What about supporting someone through chemo? Just any and all practical bits of advice on how to support her and what to expect would be great.

Thanks for listening, and thanks in advance for any advice you can give me.

cami, so to hear of your mom dealing with mbc. Not sure how doctors arrive at months, not years, for survival. Many doctors will not give such a timeline. Some of us have been dealing with mbc for years, I am 6+ with the disease. Not sure why I am having an exceptional response, but I am not alone.

Please share with us what type mbc your mom is dealing with when you find out. I am dealing er+ bc with metasteses to the bone in hip, rib, scapula. Nothing in my organs at this time. Of course when I was diagnosed, I had no idea how I would respond to treatment. Who can say how your mom will respond. That is why I am not sure why her docs are giving her a specifc timeline before she even has any type treatment.

Cliche as it is, take this one day at time. Please check out the chemo section on this forum for a tremendous amount of info. Start a thread there, if you like, to get support for yourself and your mom. You may find a bit of stability in the situation once your mom's treatment begins. She is fortunate to have such a loving, caring daughter in you. Best wishes to you both.

Hi Cami,

I am newly diagnosed with stage IV and was not given any information on life expectancy, but instead given treatment options to treat the disease with the goal of gaining "control". With that being said, I had a very dear friend live with very aggressive stage IV for 19 years, so I experienced life with cancer through her and there are many on this site who have lived with the disease for a long time. My attitude and question is; "How do I get 20+ years?" A couple of things I am doing differently that have already proven to be effective for me is I changed my diet to only clean eating, which means no sugars, carbs and low fats, so fruits, veggies, and very lean proteins, also 3 veggie smoothies a day. I also believe in the power of exercise. We are also scheduled to go to MD Anderson in Houston, Tx. My oncologist has the same attitude as I do and together we are doing everything we can to gain control, so I can live as many years as possible. I personally would run and find a doc who views breast cancer as a disease and be asking "how do we gain control?"

I am so sorry you are here, but you will meet some pretty amazing people who have been living with this disease for years.

As time goes on and the more you learn about your moms diagnoses the more you and your family can advocate for her, but with her. Every week that goes by things will settle down and it will all be easier for you to comprehend.

Take care.