My moms breast cancer?

brad, I'm chiming on to say that my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1912, at age 24. Back then they didn't have mammograms or ultrasounds. She had mastectomy only. No hormone suppressant, no follow-up. She lived to be 90 and died of dementia.

Yes, Brad, "dying" is a possibility even when breast cancer is caught at it's most earliest. It's something probably all of us think about - a diagnosis of breast cancer, even early stage, forces us to face our mortality. That is really scary. So your mother's reaction is normal, and has some basis in fact.

Some of this has already been said by others, but let me give you a few facts about breast cancer. I don't want to scare you, but it's also important that you understand that while your mother's prognosis appears to be excellent (from what you've said about her diagnosis and treatment plan), like all of us, she's not without risk. It's these very real risks that are driving her concerns. Over time, we all learn to adjust and accept these risks as being part of life, but if your mother is not there yet, that's okay. It takes time. So, some of those facts:

- Having annual mammograms does nothing to prevent breast cancer. The purpose of a mammogram is to catch and diagnose breast cancer, hopefully while it's early stage, therefore improving the odds of long-term survival, and possibly reducing the amount of treatment needed.

- Catching breast cancer early doesn't mean that the cancer might not be aggressive and that it might not have started to spread. Everyone diagnosed with invasive breast cancer, even very early stage, is at risk of either a localized (in the breast area) or a distant (metastatic) recurrence. The risk is greater for those with more advanced breast cancers or with particularly aggressive breast cancers, but even those with small, early stage, non-aggressive breast cancer face some level of risk.

- While the risk of a localized recurrence is usually very low (1% - 2%) after a mastectomy, it still can happen. So proper screening remains important.

- There is no date by which the risk of recurrence disappears. Most recurrences happen with the first 5 years or 10 years, but some women develop a localized or metastatic recurrence years after that. It doesn't happen often, but it can happen. So again, proper screening and vigilance remains important.

- The good news is that while we all face some level of risk, in the end most women diagnosed with early stage breast cancer never will develop a localized or metastatic recurrence. Most women are diagnosed only one time and most of us survive our diagnosis and live long full lives, eventually dying of something completely unrelated to the breast cancer diagnosis.

- However because we all face some level of risk, it's normal for anyone who's been diagnosed to worry about every little symptom. It happens to all of us and it usually takes some time - one year, two years - before the anxiety starts to fade. At some point we all learn to put aside the fear (although it probably never completely goes away) so that it doesn't affect out day-to-day lives. It becomes, as wallan indicated, just one of those facts of life.

Brad, it sounds as though your mother had an early stage, non-aggressive cancer (given that she didn't require chemo or rads). That's good news and it means that she probably won't ever have to deal with this again. Her odds are good. The problem that she lives with however is that there is always that bit of uncertainty. That's real. No matter how good the odds, none of us can ever know which side of the odds we'll land on. Because your mother's fear of recurrence and even her fear of dying does have a (small) basis in fact, there is nothing you can do to eliminate her fear. She has to learn to live with it, and over time her fear will fade. The best you can do is be patient, understand why she has these fears (it's not irrational),support her, and give her the time she needs.

brad, your statement, "I will never know what women go through with this diagnosis, because I'm a guy" is not really a true statement. Although rare, men can and do get BC. I hope you never have to deal with it. I hope the comments you received have been helpful. Best wishes to you both!

brad - you need to back off and just listen to whatever your Mom chooses to share. Try to respond with "uh huh" or "oh". If you want to educate yourself, you're welcome to read all of the many threads on this site. In addition to the male/female difference, there is obviously a generational difference - so it would be very unusual if you really did understand. Not meaning to be harsh - just a fact. None of us - no matter when diagnosed - will ever be "cured". We can be NED (no evidence of disease), but breast cancer does not have a cure and can come back at any time. I'll only know I'm cured if I die of something else.

Your Mom has a hard road to travel. It's good she has you for support, but it's a little early for you to be telling her how to feel. All of us worry for a long time that even a hang nail might be the cancer coming back. As time goes on it will get easier.

Brad you seem to be searching for evidence that your mom is going to be the one to never get cancer again. You are never going to get that evidence so you have to change your focus to finding a way to adapting to that information (which we all have to do). In your efforts to find proof your mom may feel pressure to reassure you when she has fears herself. Maybe there is a family support system at your mom's cancer centre. Might be worth checking.

Speaking for myself only if I was expressing worry and someone told me that cancer was "in my rear view mirror" I would think they weren't empathizing with my current state or trying to minimize my (legitimate) right now today feelings. I would rather hear "I hear you. It is scary" and a nod. On the good days and moments I wouldn't mind hearing "nice to have a worry free day/moment huh". I think being heard goes a long way as far as 'support' goes.

Hi bradt93...I'm sorry about your mom's BC diagnosis. We all know how she feels. I think you are a great example of how this disease not only affects the person who has but also the entire family. I agree that you are looking for a guarantee that your mom will not have a recurrence. Unfortunately there are no guarantees. I'm a little confused as to why she is having mammograms if she had a BMX. However it sounds like she has a really good chance of being ok. Hopefully the longer she goes with NED the less she will worry about having a recurrence. She is very lucky to have such a loving and sensitive son. Good luck to both of you.

Brad, this is new territory for both you and your mother. My mother was a 38 year bc survivor - she passed at age 88 with colon cancer. My daughter is an 18 year bc survivor (she was only 32 when diganosed), and I am a 6 year bc survivor. For us, and unfortunately for a lot of survivors, with every new twinge, every new ache, every change in our health, our first thought is "cancer". The fear lessons with time but it is still our first thought - this is because we are fully aware of what can or may happen - we are still both "positive" in our feelings, but we still make sure we have yearly mammograms and see our doctors at least once a year. Just listen when your mother wants to talk and suggest she make a note of any questions to ask her doctor(s) at her next appointment. Listening is the most important thing you can do. My son cringes, but he still listens....

bradt93, sometimes imaging centers have review protocols that need to be followed and summer means some staff may be on vacation. Waiting is awful, but try not to read too much into the delay. Good luck and I hope she hears good news soon!