You know you're a cancer patient when....

*black humour*

YKWYACPW Your dad is being recovered from a surgery to remove his prostate in a room with me, mum, my sister and SIL (who all have been through BC of various stages).

The Dr looks grim and says while the operation was a total success, they did discover throat cancer when they were inserting the camera. We ask, is this a prostate met or is a new primary?

A new primary, says the Doc and looks mortified as we sit about high-fiving that it's not metastatic.

(Dad is now cleared of both cancers and is finding his new normal after chemo and radio)

Good news on your Dad's health Doris. I'm sure that was not a reaction that the surgeon was used to seeing!

When you bust a gut laughing at the Overdue Notice the hospital sent you about your annual mammogram - the very same jokers who performed your BMX.

Hi Beatmon - Yeah, I even got an email prompting me to sign in specifically to get the notice, so it wasted my time as well. I did find it amusing myself because I have that kind of sense of humor, but I wrote them because it might really bother some people and that's not cool. I'm more annoyed by being treated like just another medical record number in a huge impersonal system. Really, you can't make the effort to treat me like an individual and make sure I actually have breasts before you scold me for my tardiness? I don't like that place anyway.

NativeMainer---You and I must somehow be distantly related! This is totally something I would do....much to the dismay of my family and friends. They think I'm crazy to waste time on things like this but I'm a big believer in the "right" thing and it makes me crazy when companies can't be bothered to take care of their customers. So I'm one of those who will sit on hold with the phone company for hours just so the agent can't help another customer. They usually have quotas to fill so that tactic tends to get results! Let's hear it for the little guy!!

I remember after my single (right) mastectomy, I was told that "poor old lefty" would continue to be checked annnually, so when I got a reminder after 1 year, I happily went along.

I realised that something was wrong when the nurse asked if I had had any problems with my breasts in the last year. I opened the front of my gown and said "You do realise I've only got one, don't you?" The look on her face was priceless, She stammered a bit and ran off to talk to her supervisor. (I don't think the poor girl had seen a mastectomy scar before!)

She came back and explained that this was a screening appointment, not a surveillance appointment. If I wanted lefty checked, I would have to go back to my doctor and request a surveillance scan. New Zealand has a government funded breast screening mammogram service, aimed at catching early stage breast cancer. There is a different fund (also from government) which covers scans for existing patients (like me). So I was in the right place (the only mammo machine in Taranaki) for the right procedure, but the cost was coming from the wrong fund! Both are completely free to patients, but the bureaucracy is such the they couldn't possibly do the wrong scan on the wrong piece of paper.

The just-as-silly sequel to this is that my doctor declared that the chances of lefty having cancer is minimal, and why should we go looking for more trouble, besides, it probably wouldn't change my treatment. So lefty had not been mammo'ed since the initial diagnosis 2 1/2 years ago, and I'm just hoping that if anything appears, it will show up in my 3 monthly CT's.

YKYACP When you make jokes to put the doctors at ease. On a follow-up for early-stage, the female doctor had a male resident with her (ugh, ok, I have to help train these guys). First the female doc did a breast exam, apologizing for her cold hands, then stepped aside for the resident to have a turn. As he began the exam, I raised my eyebrows at my female doc and said, "HIS hands are WARM." Then we relaxed and laughed. I do my part.

Help! I'm caught in a loop!

1. Liver pain is increasing, so take morphine, along with the compulsory laxatives

2. After a few days, the laxatives are not working, causing constipation pain.

3. Stop the morphine, take more laxatives. Now have 2 lots of pain.

4. All the laxatives kick in at once, now have diarrhea. Stop the laxatives.

5. Take more morphine to stop the diarrhea and the pain.

Return to step 1.

I have been round and round this cycle twice now. Evidently I have to change the painkillers or the laxatives, because I can't find the balance point between the 2.

Anyone else relate to this cycle?

…when the word “cancer” no longer strikes terror into your heart because you know the drill.

…when you realize you can’t fix one thing without breaking something else, and you can’t fix that without either breaking yet another thing or re-breaking the first thing.

Hi NativeMariner, Hello, it's been a long time. Would you mind cutting and pasting you "recipe on constipation" to the constipation thread. There are many recipes there, but more the merrier or rather more pooping. Or I could C&P your whole post with name date and time, if that's simpler

Chi your statement should be immortalized.

I too am still receiving notices(2009 BMX) and questions about getting mammo's. Depending on my mood is how I respond. Just as you did Suems with the open shirt.

LOL solfeo!

Nm Thanks,

Hi everyone else. That was very rude of me to not say helllooooooooooo to everyone else. Solfeo, Shetland, Bluebird Hellooooooooooooooo

Solfeo and NativeMariner,

I am a Uniboober, (single mastectomy), and at the beginning got a fairly large prosthesis to match Poor Old Leftie, But when she started to shrink and head South, (ain't old age a bitch!) I had to trade in Silicon Sally for a 2-sizes-smaller Silicon Sal. I looked ridiculous with one big and perky, and one small and saggy,so I really had no choice.

It would be great to get rid of Leftie and get a matched "set", but my docs say they can't remove a healthy breast!

Suems

Knitted Knockers Charities is a non-profit that exists to provide free patterns for knitters and crocheters to be able to make knockers and help mastectomy patients get freeKnitted Knockers made by volunteers.

Knitted knockers website:

http://www.knittedknockers.info/

Maybe one of the volunteers could make you a knocker the same as your uni.

Change the design............