Easily overwhelmed after being matriarch and juggler-in-chief

Oh my goodness, YES we've been through it! Bless your heart, you are typically the support for everyone else. Let me ask you this: if you had a very dear friend, who was going through this, what would you advise her to do? soldier on? I'd bet not. You'd ask her how you could help, you'd rally the troops around her, you'd move heaven and earth to make sure she could just take care of herself (for a change). Wouldn't you?

So here is your challenge (and a challenge it will be): it is time to say yes to those who want to help (and I know there have been folks asking). When I was going through treatment, I complained to my therapist that everyone was asking me what they could do to help. (lol) She asked me what I told them. I said I didn't really want to bother anyone, so I didn't tell them really anything (I'm fine, but thanks). She encouraged me to make a list of things that would be helpful, some small, some larger, whatever would be helpful. And the next time someone asked, to pull out my list and say, "well, now that you've asked . . ." and let them pick something that they felt they would like to do from my list. It felt awkward at first, but it got easier and let me tell you, it felt good to people who cared about me to be able to do something to support me. It let them in. I know how good it feels to be able to help people I care about, and it seemed to feel as good for them to be able to help me. And if you get comfortable saying, "yes, thanks, here's what you can do", then you can graduate to actually asking people who didn't volunteer.

So I would recommend a therapist (having had one and actually being one myself), but not everyone enjoys the same types of support. I also worked with a nurse navigator that was amazingly helpful. Stay away from Red Bull (there is scientific evidence that even one can increase your risk of having a cardiovascular event) and start prioritizing yourself. You deserve it after all the time and energy you've devoted to others AND it is what you need to heal. You need to learn to slow down a bit, delegate a bit more, and put yourself first. (please take this with the support and well wishes it is intended to convey) ((hugs))

LisaCharlene, Good for you!! Make a list and see how great others get to feel when they can finally help you for a change Set up your support system and take some time for good self-care. Mani/Pedi? massage? spa day? hair done? bubble bath? whatever sounds good!

I am doing well, thanks! Beautiful spring weather and a nice long hike on Saturday (the Japanese call it Forrest bathing?) and a home 'spa' pedi Sunday night - hits the spot for me!

I definitely feel more vulnerable now, almost 2yrs post-diagnosis. I have always been the keeper and decision-maker of all things healthcare, because I'm a nurse. Well, maybe I don't wanna do that any more. Maybe, after a 40yr career, maybe I don't wanna BE a nurse anymore. I'm 60yrs old and I'm ready to move on to the next phase, ya know?

Thankfully, my DH is thoroughly supportive. He is disabled and he really gets my feelings. So, we're at least on the same page. When my anxiety is on high alert, he helps ground me. If that doesn't work, there's Mr Xanax, LOL.

Thank you for your supportive words, MT woman.

Just posting seems to have helped a little, as did lunch with my girlfriend. I've looked at your helpful link. I've also had 2 nights without pain, (for some inexplicable reason), which was wonderul. I see the Doc on the 31st and will get a prescriptionfor the antidepressant with the fewest side effects. Hug right back at you.

I can't believe it's August already. Pretty smoky here in the Okanagan, and hot! I started low dose Effexor and Clonidine in June. There have been zero side effects, after all my fears, except even worse constipation. Hot flushes have been cut in half but I do have these facial heat waves that leave me dripping. Not giving up coffee yet though! In 6 months I will have to decide whether to switch from Tamoxifen to an AI.

Husband's fronto-temporal degeneration is much worse, but I just found a very helpful forum. He tried the new chemotherapy protocol for 2 cycles, then quit. The main side effect (unstoppable diarrhea) was making him sicker. I certainly had to agree with his decision. All his tumours are growing and he now has lymph node involvement, but he still looks so well that they almost laughed us out of ER when I had to take him for IV fluids due to dehydration. Why don't they listen to us caregivers???

My moods have stabilized and I haven't had a crying jag for 3 months. and I am able to tolerate his bizarre behaviour pretty well. The latest is stealth. This formerly noisy man now creeps up on me without a sound and scares the heck out of me. His speech and "executive" abilities are diminishing daily, yet he manages to kibbitz with friends. Probably because it doesn't involve any thinking and intelligent speech. For everything else he relies on or defers people to me.