My Dear Brother

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Anonymous
Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
edited May 2017 in Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY

Hi all. Some of you may recognize me from other threads here and there.

It's become clear to us all that my brother has reached a point where it's very unlikely for him to pull out of it. He's stopped all treatment, other than the faslodex shot he already had. I don't think scans or doctors appointments are necessary anymore. He's on palliative/hospice care. Lately we've noticed he is becoming more confused and he even told my mom that he saw a ghost standing next to her. Anyone looking at him can't mistake his symptoms, that he may not be here much longer. I had a hard time deciding whether I should post. Everything is happening so fast. We hold his hand, comfort him, and we try not to talk a lot because he's so breathless. My sister, mom, and I are holding it together as best we can. Oh my poor mom. No one should ever have to see their child go through this. My heart is breaking. I will update you all if anything changes. Love to all.

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  • Iwrite
    Iwrite Member Posts: 870
    edited February 2017

    Loving-is-living- Sending prayers for you and your family. Being there for your brother means the world to him right now Supporting your Mom is a gift you can give in the days ahead. It's heartbreaking. Thinking of you. ((()))

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  • Southernsurvivor
    Southernsurvivor Member Posts: 632
    edited February 2017

    Loving-is-Living,

    I'm so, so sorry to hear about your brother. I know you have been and are such a wonderful support to him. I'm glad your Mom, you and your sister have each other to lean on in this terribly difficult time - it truly is something no loved one should have to endure. Know we are here to listen and support as best we can.

    Praying for you and all of your family right now and sending you virtual hugs.
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  • zarovka
    zarovka Member Posts: 3,607
    edited February 2017

    Loving-is-living - I assure you having a family that is supportive and understanding has made all of this much easier for your brother. He needs you more then ever for this last, difficult, phase.

    >Z<

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  • Kandy
    Kandy Member Posts: 1,461
    edited February 2017

    Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2017

    Thank you all for the love, support, and prayers. It was a rough night for us. We called most family members, and he got to see them and speak a little with each of them. His speech has gotten more slurred and some of the things he is saying don't make any sense, but we just go along with it. Home care has been completely unhelpful. I spoke with an after hours nurse last night and she was terrible. She said "Well why don't you just take him to the hospital?" Isn't the point of home care to keep him OUT of the hospital! I was furious I almost hung up on her. But I am trying to get someone from home care in today to help keep him comfortable and to make sure we're not doing anything wrong. We are thankful that he is not in much pain, but his breathing is agitating him, a lot. I have heard about liquid morphine, but we are scared it may make him go sooner. He doesn't have any of those meds at home. We are doing our best but we don't know if it's enough. This morning my sister said that she saw my mom sleeping next to him on the bed. It broke my heart.

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  • Shutterbug73
    Shutterbug73 Member Posts: 791
    edited February 2017

    Loving-is-Living, I am so sorry about your brother. Please know that you and your brother and family are in my thoughts.

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  • Bestbird
    Bestbird Member Posts: 2,818
    edited February 2017

    I am sorry to hear about your brother's situation, and the difficulty you and your family are going through. I hope your brother is being kept as comfortable as possible, and he will feel more peaceful with his loved ones near him. Remember that you are making a difference.

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  • 50sgirl
    50sgirl Member Posts: 2,527
    edited February 2017

    Loving-Is-Living, I am sorry to hear about your brother. You have been there for him through every step, and I know that means a lot to him. Are the home care nurses part of a hospice program? I know that hospice programs vary, but their purpose is to help your brother and you and your family members through these difficult times and challenges. That includes easing his symptoms and pain as well as providing guidance and support to all of you. If you are not receiving the help that you need and deserve, please call your brother's cancer center or MO's office to ask for information about or a referral to hospice resources. Voice your concerns about the services you are receiving and let them know your expectations. If they recommended the services you are using, it is important for them to know that they are not meeting your needs. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Lynne

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2017

    Lynne, it was originally palliative care, but he's been transferred to hospice care as of this morning. A nurse is supposed to come out soon. It doesn't help that today is a rainy, cold day.

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  • AmyQ
    AmyQ Member Posts: 2,182
    edited February 2017

    Loving is Living,

    I too am so sorry for your brother and for you and your precious mother. It must break her heart to watch her child pass like this. I am sorry.

    Amy

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  • DivineMrsM
    DivineMrsM Member Posts: 9,620
    edited February 2017

    So sorry for what you are going thru with your brother, LIL. I hope that hospice will be more kind and gentle with helping all of you at this time than home health. Really, the lady from there should have suggested hospice and not ask why you just didn't take your brother to the hospital. I never understand how someone in the medical field can act so callous when others are suffering emotionally. My prayers are with you and your brother at this time.


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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2017

    My dear, loving brother passed away this evening. I appreciate all the support from you all. I love you all.

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  • Heidihill
    Heidihill Member Posts: 5,476
    edited February 2017

    I am so sorry for you and your mom. May your brother rest in peace and may you and your mom find courage and comfort in the days ahead. 

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  • Kandy
    Kandy Member Posts: 1,461
    edited February 2017

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. May his memories stay alive in your heart forever.

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  • 50sgirl
    50sgirl Member Posts: 2,527
    edited February 2017

    My prayers go out to you and your loved ones. I know this is a very difficult time for you. Remember all the good times you shared with your brother, all the love you had for each other, and all goodness and sunshine he brought into the world. He is at peace now. You remain in my thoughts

    Lynne

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  • LindaE54
    LindaE54 Member Posts: 2,054
    edited February 2017

    I'm so sorry LIL. My deepest condolences to you, your Mom and all your family and friends. You took such good care of your brother.

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  • DivineMrsM
    DivineMrsM Member Posts: 9,620
    edited March 2017

    Loving, my deepest condolences to you on the loss of your brother. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family at this difficult time.


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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited March 2017

    Thank you for the kind words of comfort. Today we realized that we no longer have fear, because we know that there is nothing more to be afraid of. The cancer is gone, even though it took him with it. We are rallying around my mom and making sure she feels all the love she needs right now.

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  • JWoo
    JWoo Member Posts: 1,171
    edited March 2017

    Sincere condolences to your family and all of his loved ones

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  • keetmom
    keetmom Member Posts: 432
    edited March 2017

    Sorry for your loss

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  • Southernsurvivor
    Southernsurvivor Member Posts: 632
    edited March 2017
    LIL - sending my prayers and condolences to you and your family today. So very sorry for your loss.
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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited March 2017

    We laid my brother to rest yesterday. It was such a beautiful service. Close family members released balloons, and when we looked up to look at the balloons, they were all right next to the crescent moon that was out during daytime. It was so meaningful to us. We see signs from him all over. We know he is looking out for us still. Like the song we played at his funeral, "Just give it time, we'll both be fine, when I'm gone".

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited May 2017

    It has been 2 months since my brother's passing, and it's still as hard to believe as day 1. I feel like he's gone on a faraway trip and is coming back any day now. I heard a song, "Jealous of the Angels" on youtube and I cried the whole way through. It's a beautiful, touching song. Words just aren't enough to say how much I miss him. Knowing that he's in a better place and not suffering anymore doesn't make me miss him any less. How I wish things were different, but all we can do is go on with life and try to find happiness again. It's what he wanted. He told us not to cry for him, but we can't help it. I know time will heal, but our hearts will always have a place for him.

    I send my love to you all. xo

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  • JFL
    JFL Member Posts: 1,947
    edited May 2017

    Thinking of you LiL. Such as terrible disease. Your brother was lucky to have such a caring sister.

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  • Heidihill
    Heidihill Member Posts: 5,476
    edited May 2017

    Your love for him speaks volumes about him and you. That was a beautiful funeral.

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