Radiation to start soon and I'm a mess.

Patti, So sorry you're going through this on top of BC. Can I ask if the therapist that you saw (that you weren't comfortable with) actually ASKED you to go back into your childhood and talk about your parents? The reason I ask this is that I AM a therapist and would NEVER think that this was an appropriate topic to start with in someone struggling with BC (unless they themselves brought it up and wanted to work on that). Therapists are not one-size-fits-all, and are not for even for everyone. That being said, I have not only provided therapy to others (so I am biased on this) but also have been in therapy off and on over the years. I found being in therapy very helpful when I was going through treatment. Overwhelming anxiety can be common, and having somewhere you can 'dump out' what worries you the most (in a safe and completely confidential environment) as well as help you figure out ways to deal with it can be super helpful. So I encourage you to think about another therapist (but remember, I'm biased). However, there are some things that you can do for yourself that can be very effective in helping reduce your feelings of anxiety (and anger? at being betrayed). Some examples: warm bath, massage, yoga, aroma therapy (oils or candles with lavender), nice walk, soothing music, meditation/breathing, binge-watching tv/movies (for distraction), animal therapy (play with and pet your own or someone else's), chamomile tea, hot/tub or sauna.

Again, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this right now, but since it seems to come from a relationship place and not so much a I-have-cancer place (" This has nothing to do with the radiation treatment. I like and trust my doctors and want to move forward with it."), I would recommend therapy to help you sort out what is going on for you and how it is affecting you. Sending you bright light and hugs!

I've found therapy to be very helpful at various times in my life, but it is important to find a therapist you are comfortable with. Just because one wasn't a good fit for you, doesn't mean another won't be. Freudian therapy, where you explore your childhood in depth, is not very popular these days, so I wouldn't worry much about any other therapist, counselor, or psychologist wanting to go there. It does sound like this therapist gave you good advice about focusing on your treatment and getting well and going back to work thru this betrayal when you are stronger and have less pressing things happening in your life.

That said, I also found Xanax to be very helpful in getting thru my active treatment of surgery and rads. I relied on it heavily for a few months, but then had no trouble cutting back-I have used it for years to travel since most modes of travel, especially flying, cause me a great deal of anxiety-to my pre-BC levels of Xanax use. Sometimes a little chemical help is just what we need.

I asked for a prescription for Sonata to help me sleep. Turns out I didn't use it more than 3 or 4 times in that year. I also had Xanax that I took when I had scans - MRI or PET/CT. Don't rule out a mild drugs for awhile. You're really up against a wall here.

But I also agree that therapy can be good. I just never had the energy or the trust to find someone.

Do you have a nurse navigator? These are RNs who guide you through your journey and can give advice or refer you as to what to do. Support group works for many. Meds are a must for me. I had depression and anxiety going in and had to bump it up with meds to get through active txs.

Second. Therapists are different. You want to get a cognitive behavioural therapist. They are the ones that teach you how to change your thoughts and cope with stresses. The one you saw sounds like a psychotherapist. They love digging in your past. They are good if you want to try and understand why you are the way you are. So I'd call different therapists and find out what type they are. Or you can buy cognitive behavioral therapy self help books. Those are just as good if you don't mind not having direct communication. I've been in a psych ward before for debilitating depression and anxiety, suicidal a couple times (before cancer) and the therapy we got was cognitive behavioural- coping skils to deal with the world once we are released.

So for the quickest I'd explore the self help cognitive behavioural books and start practicing the techniques. Also things like meditation, yoga---relaxation stuff helps.

Good luck!

Hopeful - I LOVE the calendar idea. People think I'm nuts for scheduling doc appointments 6-9 months out, but it does just what you said. It's not on my calendar today or this month and I don't have to worry because it's scheduled down the road.

I absolutely have the appointments made as I walk out the door from the last one. That way I can cross it off my worry list.....until the week before anyway.......and I try to keep that week super busy. I also have 'breast exam' written on my calendar for the 1st of every month; otherwise I'd be poking around 'looking for' lumps 24 hours a day

I'm glad to know you're doing better (except for the NyQuil episode!). I suspect that once you do your radiation simulation and start your treatments it will help, too. Did they advise you that there will (probably) be a wait between the simulation and the start of treatments? I think in my case they said 2 weeks but it turned out to be much less. Once I had the date on the calendar I just wanted to get started, because the sooner I started the sooner it would be over with!

If you do have some down time in between, I hope you can use it to pamper yourself a bit, even if in small ways. Hang in there!

Artista - I'm at a major medical center and I did not have a nurse navigator either. There are places that still don't have that marvelous invention.

Patti - You'll just have to ask lots of questions from all the docs & nurses. Good luck. Do report back.