Body image concerns 5 years post bmx - feeling vulnerable

Rhody, just a thought. Have you tried showering together yet? I always find that is a big help in feeling close. We're naked together, it's warm, we can touch. He can see all my cancer scars, my chest and my leg. We can face them together. We can start whatever we want to in the shower, or not. He can feel that he's helping me. If you haven't tried that yet, why not give it a whirl?

It's a tough one Martha, no question about it. Being dx with a life-threatening disease is a huge shock, and having to sacrifice a beloved body part to stop it can't help but make a person sad. It's probably harder because you both remember the way you were before the dx. In a way, it might be easier for me because I'd already had my leg surgery and breast surgery years before I met by current BF. I could tell him, "I sure hope you're OK with it, because that's the way I am."

BTW, my favorite natural remedy is good wine. It always makes me feel good inside. But it only makes me look younger when he drinks it. Hope these help.

another thought is a bath with candles and romantic music if you have a tub big enough for two. Sometimes my hubby and I do that (we have a big bath tub) and it doesn't always lead to sex, but it does lead to feeling closer. I also have him rub my legs and feet. In addition to helping me post chemo, for some reason it gets him amorous, and because I lay on my stomach (if you can lay on your stomach, I only had a lumpectomy) the scars aren't as prominent. Not to be too kinky, but oiling up his chest and then having him rub his chest all over my back is also a winner! I get lubrication in an area where I can't reach, and we get body closeness.

Candles hide a lot of scars and skin issues!

I am glad I found this discussion. I am 1 year post double mastectomy on Friday. I had planned on implants, but my body rejected the extenders and after a month of fevers, numerous antibiotics and another hospital stay, they were removed. However, the extra skin remained, and I am scheduled for that to be removed on Sept 2nd.

Due to other life circumstances, I didn't get the chance to mourn the loss of my breasts until recently, and am very sad about how I look and feel. My husband is extremely supportive and says it doesn't bother him, that he would rather have me alive, than have breasts. From his point of view, it hasn't affected our physical intimacy, but it affects me. I loved my breasts for bringing both of us pleasure and for feeding my babies. I was so busy being happy they were gone, I never considered the aftermath of emotions

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts here. I just recently had a UMX and after much inner turmoil, ended up having reconstruction with a DIEP flap. For a long time, I didn't think the flap reconstruction would be possible (long story), but was dead set against having an implant. Ultimately, I wasn't sure how I would feel long-term without reconstruction, especially being just 40, and since the flap reconstruction turned out to be an option, I went with it.

Now I get way ahead of myself and wonder what I will do if I have a recurrence or develop cancer in my other breast, and I am pretty sure I won't do reconstruction again. I don't regret my decision, but the way I see it, it is a once in a lifetime thing. I have a scar from hip to hip and a ridiculous, Harry Potter zig-zag scar all way across my reconstructed breast, and sometimes I'm filled with a really weird feeling boarding on self-loathing that I did all of this self-mutilation just for a feelingless lump of tissue on my chest?! Even with recon, I'm not sure how I'll feel about getting into a swimsuit or being intimate. As someone else said, I don't think there is a way to escape all the body image issues that come with a mastectomy.

My best to all of you.

Dear 39andhip:

I am fifteen years out from having my right breast removed and I still feel the shame and jealousy (yes, jealousy) of seeing another woman with two breasts. I recently found this blog and what a godsend it is! I wish I had the opportunity to know of it years ago.

It is only recently, the last year or so , that I have been considering reconstruction ---all the years I have been wearing a form. I did have two attempts at a recon back then but they failed miserably and had terrible infections both times. I was advised by family members to leave it alone and be grateful for my life, which I am. So, I saw a surgeon recently, I think she is very accomplished and recons are her forte but after seeing and reading some of the postings here, I am deciding against having it now. Your post especially made a great deal of sense to me---why should I mutilate the rest of my body in the hopes of having a mound of flesh that once was? You are a very brave and courageous woman to have had all you had done.

I must admit that I also fear the possibility of infection again ---mine was systemic and I was almost a gonner during the last one. Why I would even consider this surgery now really has baffled some of my family and friends. My husband, dear soul, has not once ever turned away from me and been totally supportive. He, actually, is the only one that is on board with me if I should get the recon done. Everyone else thinks I should leave well enough alone. Perhaps they are right.

Thank you for giving me a perspective on how and why I would consider doing more harm to myself than (maybe) good. God bless and take care.

It's been a year since the skin revisions. After the surgery, I had another issue with infection caused from the surgery. The healing took longer than I expected, and while the plastic surgeon did a great job on one side, the breast that had had radiation did not heal as neatly. For the most part, I ignore the fact that I am flat-chested, and am not as emotionally torn as I was last year. Time is the great healer. At least I am healthy and alive.

Some of you gals are so refreshingly honest. I caught the word"jealousy". I thougt only I had problems with envy!

Hi

So Monday the 14th I had my BMX , today was the day I could shower and hubby helped me. He then noticed I wouldn't look in the mirror . Every time I pass a mirror ( completely dressed) I can see the loss and want to cry. On Monday , my post op appt, I don't even want to undress for the banadages and drain removal .... I chose no recon but never realized the emotional wreck I would be. Don't get me wrong I'm glad to be alive to be a mother to my 4 kids but feel like I'm going thru the motions. Does it ever get easier?

Nulyte,

I had UMX on August 24th and like u, chose no reconstruction. I couldn't look for over a week after I had surgery...my

Husband helped me in the shower for a week or so...he held me while I wept (even before looking, I felt devastated) ...then went I did take a peek a week or so after, I cried some more. I cried every time I got undressed to shower for a few weeks.

It is still emotional. But it isn't as bad...so it does get better! I am hopefully for myself thst it will keep getting better and hope the same for u.

Even the other day, my friend said to be patient with myself because it is so new.

I feel the need to share this, I had DIEP reconstruction 2 months after surgery I got the all clear to swim again. Well I went to the pool and in the shower beside me this woman was upset that I was using her hook to hang my bag. I quickly apologised and moved my bag she took one look at my scars and gasp. This 250+ lady had the gaul to gasp at my scars. You know what I would rather look the way I do than to weigh 250.

I had my BMX in July. No recon. I've felt good about how I look, lumps, bumps and all, from day 1. I would like to have the extra tissue removed, aka dog ears, but I'm feeling stronger and more confident each day.

Who knows how I'll feel tomorrow, next week, or next year... But today I'm feeling great. Happy and confident!

I've lost 47 pounds and hope to lose more. I am fat and flat!