Rosevalley - this is for you!

I think we need more happy dances.

May your marker and drain volume continue to go down.

I need to develop the cat-itude of living life to the fullest. Finding that sunny bit on the carpet and laying on it. Lounging in the dirt amid the flowers, swatting at bee half heartedly. Sleeping so soundly you twitch... purring until your sides vibrate because someone you love gave you undivided attention. Being present. My cat Percy is so 100% present and lives in the moment.. Buddhist in heart.

Our dishwasher has been making this awful smell when ever we run it.. like a burning electrical smell. It worries me. The machine is 15 years old, used almost once a day, now mostly every other day. Works well- but it's an alarming smell.. I guess dishwashers have a life expectancy of 8-12 years, so 15 is good. My DH wanted to have a plumber look at it but at that age why? Anyway we replaced it with the same Kitchenaide... sticker shock 600 on sale (150 off so they said) and a heafty sum to dispose and install. I was horrified at the cost of the machines. Most were 800 and up. Nothing lasts forever. Our dryer will be next as it is 16. Trusty old machine. I feel that way about my body. I know my markers are falling but I never feel good anymore. It was a lovely fall day, sunny 80 and I spent it inside. I was cold, my belly full and uncomfortable. It feels like a betrayal not to fight to the end, but I am tired. I wonder when I will just give up like the dishwasher... and start to smell bad.

I am comforted by the sound of crickets out my window. They are the sound of summer and that reassuring sound of childhood. The hum of life in insects and the world. When I was a child at my Great grandmother's we would catch fireflies and let them go in the bedroom watching them... loving their flickering light. My brother and I enchanted by having "stars" in the bedroom. Funny the things we remember from childhood. Life is sweet and trying to stay here enduring chemo, ascites and aching joints is hard. Much harder then I expected it to be. Blessings to you all and thank you for letting me vent.

Rose,

Please, please vent all you want. I wish I could "vent" so beautifully.

You remind me of my favorite firefly story.

In the summer of 1992, I drove overnight from Omaha to St. Louis. About 3 hours west of St. Louis, I got so tired that I pulled over in a rest area for a nap.

I had the radio on an all night classical music station. I parked facing an open field with hundreds of fireflies. As I sat there watching the fireflies, and listening to this classical music piece, I was amazed because it seemed that the fireflies were actually in perfect timing with the music.

Well, when the music stopped, the DJ said (in that soft public radio voice), "You've been listening to... Dance of the Fireflies".

I was suddenly wide awake and thinking, "Wow, I just WATCHED Dance of the Fireflies!!" It was one of the most surreal moments of my life.

Thanks for stirring up that wonderful memory for me.

Prayers for comfort and wonderful memories for you,

Louis

Secret message for you, Rosevalley, at peritoneal carcinomatosis.

Stephanie

I am so glad you had a good time in Astoria and CA! Glad the weather cooperated. It has been very nice weather.

Well our Catholic Health care stuck it to us yet again. I hope my oncologist can iron this out. She was supposed to get approval before sending for genetic testing and we sent in mostly for my daughters sake and to see how much risk I have that may have been passed on to her. Well our insurance denied the claim as "experimental, Investigational, lacks clinical usefulness and is not covered." So the 3,000.00 test bill will be slammed to our pocket. I swear this Providence Catholic Health Insurance lives in the dark ages if they think genetic testing does not benefit the daughters of breast cancer patients. They are F--- ing crazy in the medieval ages. The cheap stupid bastards.

I have a mind to take every drug under the sun to spend as much of their money as humanly possible and stick them with the bill. They have already cost me 3,000 in DWD meds and 3,000.00 in deductables (for just me and does not count other family members) and if we get another 3,000 bill for this testing. I will declare war. I will take every drug in the formulary and sign up in Jan for them again and keep spending $$$$$ as much as I possibly can. I have nothing to lose at this point and we have already had to hit retirement, credit cards and I HATE these people. They are unethical and shouldn't be in insurance. There is nothing Christian about them.

By the way this chemo seems to be working. Yay... more bottles showed up today. May it keep working and costing them money. Tumor markers back tomorrow. My brother sent me $ for my birthday so we went out for crepes after chemo. It was delicious. No nausea yay just fatigue and my labs look great.

So sorry you have this stress.

Hope your oncologist can sort it.

Rosevalley, congratulations on treating these early weeks of treatments. May they continue to kick cancer's butt and be kind to you.

re. genetic testing and your insurance company's refusal to pay, there are many ways to go about straightening this out!

The issue came up recently at www.smartpatients.com (free registration required).

In spite of an ovarian cancer diagnosis, a member's insurance company denied payment for her genetic testing, for the same reasons yours did - "EXPERMENTAL/INVESTIGATIONAL SERVICES ARE NOT COVERED: Experimental or investigational treatments, procedures, devices or drugs are those that…æ

Turns out, Myriad replied, "they wrote back that "the test that was denied by your insurance plans is for a newer test and we are not contracted with your insurance plan for" - so they adjusted my account to zero."

Too bad no one told her and she was dragged through the emotional dirt for months of thinking she'd have to pay out-of-pocket before the matter was clarified and resolved.

xxx

Here's some of what I found about the newer test:

Genetic testing in situations like yours isn't experimental or investigational, but standard medical practice...has been for years now.

This NYT article seems to address your plight:

New Genetic Tests for Breast Cancer Hold Promise

Two advances in tests for the genes that carry an added risk of breast cancer promise to make the process less expensive and more precise.www.nytimes.com

But, not all insurance companies are on board with paying for the new test.

Testing of the BRCA genes has generally been limited by medical guidelines to women who already have cancer or those with a family history of breast or ovarian cancers. Insurers generally have not paid for BRCA tests for other women, and some insurers are not paying at all for a newer type of screening known as a panel test that analyzes from 10 to 40 genes at once.

xxx

See this from the USA National Cancer Institute:

https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/causes-prevent...

In December 2013, the United States Preventive Services Task Force recommended that women who have family members with breast, ovarian, fallopian tube, or peritoneal cancer be evaluated to see if they have a family history that is associated with an increased risk of a harmful mutation in one of these genes.

Several screening tools are now available to help health care providers with this evaluation. These tools assess family history factors that are associated with an increased likelihood of having a harmful mutation in BRCA1 or BRCA2, including:

• Breast cancer diagnosed before age 50 years
• Cancer in both breasts in the same woman
• Both breast and ovarian cancers in either the same woman or the same family
• Multiple breast cancers

xxx

If you're peeved, that's fine, but if you want a resolution quickly, contact Myriad and ask whether your insurance company was charged for the newer type of screening. If so, ask them to please write it off!

If your insurance company refuses to pay for the usual type of cancer screening, then kick and scream. It's considered regular & necessary since you were diagnosed under age 50...and I think in both breasts too.

xxx

Sorry you're caught in another insurance snafu, my dear Rosevalley.

Wishing you peace and joy today and everyday!

love & light, Stephanie

I say, stay the course with this treatment, if it's helping you to feel better day-to-day and be able to eat without nausea and vomiting, dear Rosevalley.

TMs tell only part of the story, more important is how you feel day-to-day.

All treatment is palliative, not curative, at this stage in our cancer game. May it buy you quality and quantity of life both!

Absentee ballots should be mailed out today in my county. I'm going to live long enough to vote for Hillary! Just thrilled...don't even need to know the election outcome, because I know the good folk will prevail, no matter who wins the election.

Hugs of rainbow light, Rosevalley!

May loving kindness become the moral law of all lands, Stephanie

Thinking of you. Fall has arrived here.

A friend of mine and her husband, a retired biologist from a wildlife research center, live out in the country and have 25 acres of land. They have created a North Dakota version of the Garden of Eden. He plants and researches (just for fun) various species of plants, grasses and trees, and has groomed walking trails throughout his 'park'. A group of retired teacher friends and I go walking every Wednesday morning (a good excuse to catch up with each other), and this Wednesday they invited us out to walk at their place. Here's a little collage of pictures. Notice in the first one, he is giving us a map!

Big rainbow hug this morning, dear Rosevalley!

We finally had rain for the first time in many months...thanks for sending some our way!

It's a gray morning with cool temps - a big change after last week's highs in the 90s.

Am studying up for my final exam, er election. I've voted in every election since I first could in 1974. There are over a dozen proposals on California's ballot. Marijuana legalization isn't as clear as I'd wish...the local growers are mixed on whether to support it. California marijuana legalization faces unlikely foe: growers

Do I vote for the little guy growers? or the littler little guy, the users who also live as criminals? Hard to choose the moral high ground.

Warmest wishes and thanks for the rain and gray!

love you, Rosevalley, Stephanie

Rose, thinking of you this morning. May the increased dose cause the ascites fluid to go down even more. May you have relief with minimal SEs.

From my garden. Thesetwo guys always put a smile on my face. Hope the same for you. Hugs