Mom just passed from cancer and now I have it.

I don't have any words of wisdom or anything of comfort except to say I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved mother and for the situation you find yourself in now, especially when you could use your mom's love and support. I wish I could help. Do you have any other family you can count on? I hope so. You will need a strong support system.

I wish you well.

Amy

Natstar ~

You asked if anyone has gone through anything similar. I'm not in your exact situation, but this summer I have been going through more than just treatment for breast cancer, and grief has formed a giant, oppressive black cloud that won't leave me alone. I would like to stop crying! My therapist keeps reminding me that I am grieving (horrible death of a family member, having cancer, etc) and that all my uncomfortable (her word) feelings are appropriate & probably necessary and inevitable. Nooooo! I want it all to stop; I want to wake up in a different world, without cancer, violent death, trolls, etc. I can understand the feelings you mention -- being overwhelmed, angry, defeated and bitter. It may be no comfort at all, but this seems completely normal under the circumstances. Everyone tells me that this will pass, that I will not always feel this bad. Sometimes I know this to be true. When I've gone through times of 'unbearable' emotional pain, I thought I could not make it, yet I did. I did bear it. I eventually stopped drowning in it. I try to think about that now to encourage myself. Meanwhile I am a walking zombie. I sleep a lot & watch Doctor Who. Really. What a life. . . .

As farmerlucy said, you are not alone. & there are places on this forum to rant and rave or laugh or ask questions or just be distracted.

Please accept my condolences.

Nastar: It really sucks that your mom passed AND you have just been Dx'd with BC. You have my deepest sympathies. These are two deep blows (plus ending a relationship to boot), so go ahead and BE angry! Your anger will strengthen you.

We are all here for you. Like farmerlucy, I have also marked this thread to my favorite topics so I can check in on you from time to time. Others have offered excellent advice, so I won't repeat that. However, I must emphasize living ONE DAY at a time. Trying to plan too far into the future will just lead to more anxiety and/or depression.

I was just Dx'd w/Stage IV BC right from the gate this past April with extensive mets in my spine, liver, pancreas, bladder, kidneys, adrenals and other bones. No history of BC in my family, but my mom also died from metastatic soft-tissue sarcoma when I was in high school. There is nothing I can say to make your situation better other than to say I'm sorry for all the crap you're now dealing with. You can take comfort in the fact that you had your mom for as long as you did. I was a mere teenager when mine passed, and it grieves me to know that I won't be here for my daughter, who is only 22 years old right now.

The first several months are going to be very hard emotionally and psychologically. Allow yourself to grieve and pound your fists as much as you need to. Everyone handles grief and devastating Dx's in their own way.

You will find compassion, loving arms, and maybe a laugh or two on these boards. Try to hang in there as best as you can.

Sending warm (((hugs))) and prayers your way.

Lita

Eggroll, sorry for your loss. CURE magazine (the cancer magazine) said that cancer is basically a crap shoot. We all know people who smoked and died in their 70s/80s (like my dad who smoked and drank and NEVER got cancer, living to 85, but my mom, who never smoked or drank DID, and she died at 48...go figure).

People have told me that I probably staved off cancer by maybe 10 or 15 years because I ate well (part-time vegetarian), didn't drink much until I was in my 30s, and tried to keep my weight down until menopause kicked in. Then bingo, I get Stage IV cancer right from the gate at age 57 (RO said it was probably already there when I was 56). We can't blame ourselves. I think it's the environment...all the pollutants and toxins we breathe in or ingest that can cause our cells to mutate into cancer as they divide. We're starting to see more and more people getting cancer at younger and younger ages, particularly lung, colon and skin cancers. It's becoming an epidemic. But we also have to realize that years ago, most people died from injuries, illnesses we didn't have vaccinations for (whooping cough, measles, small pox, etc.) and plain old childbirth in their 20s and 30s. Making it to 50, let alone 60, was rare for most people a hundred or more years ago.

Should that placate us? Hell no!!! I'm still angry, and we all should be pissed. It's not fair. I have older friends who drink quarts of diet soda every day, pick up fast food at least a couple times a week and hardly exercise, and they're still going strong. So why me? Why any of us on these boards? I don't have an answer. All I can offer is my sympathy and support.

Lita

I understand how you are feeling. My husband died from lymphoma in January last year after two continual years of treatment and relapses. It was horrific. My father died from bladder cancer in May last year after two years of continual treatment and relapses. I am left with two boys aged 9 and 11 to raise on my own. I was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer in April of this year. I was already struggling with PTSD from my husband and fathers illnesses and now I get this on my plate as well. I am managing pretty well considering and am having a lot better time of it with side effects than my husband did.

The main thing I am doing that helps is differentiating my cancer experience from theirs by making sure I am in completely different hospital systems than my husband and father were in. If I am having a problem I want to know it really is a problem not a panic attack or meltdown from a ptsd trigger from a horrible hospital, surgery or chemo memory.

I also know I cannot do this on my own and have enlisted an army of friends, relatives and school parents to take my boys to after school activities, cook meals and drive me to appointments. I really need all hands on deck to get through.

I try really hard to focus on today and know that each step of the way is dependent on many things so go into each step knowing that what was intended for today may not work out and that's ok. Worry about tomorrow when it happens. A calm mind is the most important thing for me.

((((Hugs)))) to you sweetie!

My mother passed away from metastatic breast cancer in 2000. She was diagnosed at 42, died at 56. I understand the horrible loss. It's heartbreaking. It's been 16 years and I still miss my mom every single day.
Then, in November of 2015, at the age of 41, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. God, did I need my mom, want my mom. It was just as horrible as losing her the first time. I needed her advice, her support, her love. It was incredibly painful walking this "journey" without her.....BUT....she did teach me how to get through this without even knowing it. I learned by watching her.

It's totally normal to feel defeated! You've been dealt a crushing blow.....the loss of your mom, the loss of a relationship, and now cancer. That's quite a bit on your plate!
My advice would be to go easy on yourself. Give yourself time to feel, to grieve, to scream, cry, throw things....whatever.
No matter what it may feel like, you are NOT alone. These message boards and the ladies here are incredible. The support, advice, encouragement, and friendship you will find here will be a great help. Come here often! I can't tell you how much this place helped me. I know it can do the same for you!

I'm so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my prayers.

eggroll: Kauai should be fabulous this time of year...not too hot. They have wonderful snorkeling over there. My DH, who is Hawaiian and Chinese, and I went to Hanalei Bay in 2012 - geez, can't believe it's been 4 yrs already. We drove to the canyon, but it was too foggy/cloudy and we couldn't see a thing (. Have a great trip!