Recurrence

I don't have any answers for you but know that others will be along soon to offer input. hope you are well.

3 boys....I hope you are still doing well and waiting...and waiting for it to never come back. I had that same feeling and mine came back after 3.5 years. Light at the end of the tunnel (if you can imagine with lymph nodes 10/14) is that the dummies didn't do rads on me first time. No signs/clear scans everywhere else. Radiation, more chemo, hysterectomy with ooph and arimdex hopefully puts and end to this. Hopefully. Now my left armpit is so screwed up I can't tell what's scar tissue, capsular contracture and what is more "bad stuff". So attivan and lots of exercise and vacation planning keeps me positive. Love my 7 year old to pieces. Hope your boys are well and keep your days/thoughts full. hugs

I am also not a fatalist, but I do have this sort of subtle undercurrent of dread going on in the back of my head. I have two gene mutations which both cause BC and other cancers. My family history is really terrible ,something like 19 cancers in the first and second generations including both sides of the tree. My genetics counselor thinks I got a mutation from both lines. Lucky me.

So, while I am doing all I can to rid myself of this BC demon, I also understand how high my risk is. Just in my own family (parents & sibs), there are 5 of the 7 of us who have had cancer. I have two sisters who had uterine cancer, and one of those had breast cancer, too. My grandmother had both uterine and breast cancer, as well. At this point I have had chemo and a BMX, and I'm scheduled for a full hysterectomy next month. All in the name of fighting cancer. Foo.

Maybe I'm just down in the dumps. My cousin's wife just went into hospice this week with a very aggressive stage 4 BC. She's been fighting it only a year and she will not last another month. Knowing that her cancer was different from mine does not particularly comfort me.

I wouldn't say that I sit around worrying about recurrence. Maybe it's just because this is all still rather fresh for me--I was diagnosed July 2015. It's been a rough ride and it's not even close to being over, so breast cancer is pretty much right there in front of me most of the time. Perhaps, when I have 2-3 years behind me I'll be less inclined to think about it. But right now, those thoughts intrude several times a week. Not to the point that I can't work or enjoy my life. But the intrusive thoughts are there.

It's impossible not worry in the early days following a diagnosis - it's completely natural when we've already been so blindsided by a diagnosis that none of us (with rare exception) ever expected to receive. Yorkiemom gives wise advice - worrying doesn't change what will - or likely, will not - happen in the future...but that's always easier said than done, I know.

I worried like crazy the first year, but as time went by my worry lessened, and I actively started to chose to let go of my fear and move forward living my life. I spent too much energy on "what ifs" and not enough on "what is".

Four years later I had a local recurrence - surprise!! Even with all the worry I'd had, I still wasn't prepared for this new diagnosis. All that worry - it did me no good, it changed nothing, it was wasted energy. Surprisingly, I no longer worry about nor fear a recurrence - not local, not regional, not metastatic. It will happen, or it won't. I can't change that. All I can do is be present in this moment, live it and love it for all that it is. I like to think this local recurrence was a wake-up call to me to get out there and live today instead of worrying about tomorrow.

yes I have always felt this too! I am actually at peace with it. I am a glass half full kinda girl, and from the first day after the diagnosis I knew I would be fighting this battle again.