Just Diagnosed, but living alone...

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IHGJAnn49
IHGJAnn49 Member Posts: 426
edited August 2016 in Just Diagnosed

I see my surgeon on the 24th of August, and know there will be surgery, but i live alone and have no family to help afterward... anyone else with this problem?

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  • ElaineTherese
    ElaineTherese Member Posts: 3,328
    edited August 2016

    Hi!

    What kind of surgery are you getting? I needed very little help after my lumpectomy and ALND (went back to work the next day!), but a mastectomy or bilateral mastectomy may require more assistance. At the very least, you'll need to find someone to drive you home from the hospital....

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  • Miles
    Miles Member Posts: 62
    edited August 2016

    Hello, I also live alone and have no family near by. I received my diagnoses this past weekend. The biggest thing that has gotten me through the pas few days is receiving posts here. I don't know how I will make it through the process but I do know that there are many amazingly strong women who have gone before us. I am living moment to moment. I am trusting that because I am willing the way will show it's self.

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  • Reckless
    Reckless Member Posts: 112
    edited August 2016

    I live alone and have no family. A friend picked me up from the hospital after my BMX and reconstruction surgeries. I also hired somebody privately to stay with me the first 2 nights after BMX and to cook and clean for several weeks. I definitely recommend doing this, or ask friends to help out

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  • IHGJAnn49
    IHGJAnn49 Member Posts: 426
    edited August 2016

    I will find out Wednesday, the 24th what surgery and treatment plan... right now just waiting and quietly going nuts...Thanks for the encouragement... this site is invaluable..

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  • Denise-G
    Denise-G Member Posts: 1,777
    edited August 2016

    Myself, my mom, and sister were all diagnosed with breast cancer within 3 years. We had family support, but we all live alone.

    I had a UMX with 14 nodes removed - I needed help for about 5 nights.

    My mom had a Lumpectomy with no nodes. She SAILED through it - in fact, she went to a Casino the next day. I don't recommend it, but she was 80 at the time, and I couldn't stop her!

    My sister had a Lumpectomy and lots of nodes removed. She was okay to stay by herself after one night.

    Often, if you live alone, your insurance will pay for visiting nurses.

    You will figure this out...if you need rides, call your local American Cancer Center. In many areas, they offer transportation.

    Sending my best to you!

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  • Positivepower11
    Positivepower11 Member Posts: 101
    edited August 2016

    Dear IHG and Miles we are all here for you, praying and sending you positive vibrations. In this site you will find many other single women in different forum ( just last month there was a similar thread for chemo) who have gone through the journey alone. If you were emotionally alone it would be tougher but with lots of support on the forum it is manageable.  I suggest contacting ACS or a charity as you will need someone to drive you.

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  • Miles
    Miles Member Posts: 62
    edited August 2016

    Thank you so much for your support and sugestions. I have found that my brain is a bit foggy with all of the emotions and information. I will defently make some phone calls.

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  • IHGJAnn49
    IHGJAnn49 Member Posts: 426
    edited August 2016

    My sister had a mastectomy and my brother had a lumpectomy, so we all had about the same diagnosis.. they are both doing fine and they tell me not to worry.. it's hard not to when it's you getting the diagnosis and they're several states away.. but I'm believing for a miracle and with the support here, I'll do ok


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  • Wicked
    Wicked Member Posts: 141
    edited August 2016

    I had a two lumpectomies, one in each breast, with no nodes. Surgery started at 10:20, by 12:15, I was completely fine! Seriously. Walked the dogs that night,etc.

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  • Oakmoss
    Oakmoss Member Posts: 28
    edited August 2016

    Hi, I was just diagnosed on July 11th and am scheduled for surgery on September 7th. There was a bit of a delay because something showed up on my throat in a scan, and my doctors insisted I have a tonsillectomy first. I feel I am coping with things pretty well, but I also live alone, haven't had immediate family since I was very young, and am already greatly limited by a serious chronic illness. Other relatives, who might possibly help, are nowhere nearby. Part of the reason I asked if I could try lumpectomy and radiation (and possibly chemo, depending on the results of the sentinel node biopsy) was that I hoped for less traumatic surgery, since I will have to take care of myself. I've registered with ACS and should be eligible for Medicaid soon -- I have been told both can help with getting me to appointments.

    I'm very glad to have found this site!

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited August 2016

    Welcome, Oakmoss! We're glad you've joined us, and hope you find this to be a supportive and informative place!

    The Mods

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  • radgal
    radgal Member Posts: 100
    edited August 2016

    If you and Miles are willing, post in your profile what city you're in. Maybe some of us are closer than you think! : )

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  • Oakmoss
    Oakmoss Member Posts: 28
    edited August 2016

    Thanks so much for the welcome. I'm having a bit of trouble organizing the information in my signature...please bear with me! The chronic illness I have has probably shaved a good 50 pts off my IQ, and I'm a little overwhelmed by even simple things right now. The IDC is on the left and DCIS is on the right. I've read that bilateral presentation like this is rather rare.

    I am looking around for a local support group, I think that would be helpful. My friends are trying, keeping in touch by phone, but I don't want to lean too heavily on them and in my experience, peer support is very important.

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  • keepsake
    keepsake Member Posts: 59
    edited June 2017

    IHGJAnn49, Miles, and Oakmoss,

    Hope you don't mind that I just sent you each a PM with some practical suggestions for finding help going through treatment

    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you positivity and hugs.

    keepsake

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  • IHGJAnn49
    IHGJAnn49 Member Posts: 426
    edited August 2016

    Spokane, Wa.


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  • Oakmoss
    Oakmoss Member Posts: 28
    edited August 2016

    Keepsake, thanks so much for the good advice. As I mentioned in the PM, I'm already registered with the ACS, just nervous about whether or not someone will show up. Like most people (I presume), I don't like the helpless feeling of being unable to do something for myself. I am hopeful about navigating all this, it just feels a little daunting at times.

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  • NineTwelve
    NineTwelve Member Posts: 569
    edited August 2016

    hi Ann, Oakmoss, Miles, and anyone else I missed on this thread. I live alone and so far all the support I've needed I have been able to find. I am not even a particularly social person and don't have tons of friends to call on, but so far I have not felt that I can't do this. I think, as "loners" we have learned to develop inner resources that help get us through hard times.

    But I made a deal with myself, even though it goes against my grain: If anyone offers to help, say thank you, and think of something they can do for me. Seriously. Accept all offers of help. Even if it's just a casual coworker saying, I'm going to the store, need anything? - Sure, here's a couple of dollars, could you get me a coffee when you pass the Starbucks?

    As a consequence, I have found myself being more generous with my time and money when I see someone struggling.

    I had to start small, but I learned slowly how to be soft and gracious and see the good and the helpful, people I hadn't noticed before my illness. Also, I've learned to leave my expectations and insecurities out of it; when I ask for help. If I ask and the answer is no, then I do not waste time or use up my energy with feelings of hurt or resentment. That time, the answer was no. It must sometimes be no. But it will still be okay. I have taken public transportation to a scan, I have gotten rides to treatment from volunteer drivers at my cancer center, I have had rides from friends, coworkers, and once from the friend of a friend.

    I have found myself appreciating, in new ways, the fabric of social contacts in my life, the places where one thread (one person) intersects with another, all connected by our human need for the support and cooperation of other humans. That doesn't mean l'm not a "lone wolf" anymore. It just means, that even wolves come from packs, and they work more efficiently in groups.

    oh - and the person who was having trouble getting their diagnosis in their signature - me, too. The interface has changed a bit, and you can't preview it before you submit and you have to answer a bunch of questions before you're even sure that you're in the right place (is Zometa a targeted therapy? a hormonal? Neither. Well, I'll just have to add it in a note. Oh, great now the formatting is off.)

    sorry, but welcome to this board. It will be your rock and your solace.

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  • Miles
    Miles Member Posts: 62
    edited August 2016

    Thank you. You advise is appriciated so much. The comment about having it be ok if someone says no reminded me of something I was taught years ago. It goes like this:

    • Ask for what you Want.
    • Notice what you Get and
    • Celebrate the No's because that means that the person that you are asking is practicing self care.

    This helped me say and accept the No's in life.

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  • IHGJAnn49
    IHGJAnn49 Member Posts: 426
    edited August 2016

    I appreciate all the advice and help.. it's been great.. sometimes it gets overwhelming... i saw my dr. today and will be having a lumpectomy with sentinel node biopsy.. they gave me the stress chart before and didn't know what i had... told them to take it to 8 after.. it's another week of waiting for the surgery... and i so want it over with right now...

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  • Artista928
    Artista928 Member Posts: 2,753
    edited August 2016

    Went through this thing alone as well. After bmx last year my bro could only stay a few days after. But before that I planned as if I was going to be alone and have to manage myself. I made a list of must haves in supplies and stocked up so I didn't have to worry about how to go to the store for awhile. Food, basic medical supplies, meds, kleenex, paper towel, etc. There's great lists on the sx board as well as on the chemo board. I arranged my place to where everything I needed was waist level. I bought a few duster dresses that snapped all the way down which comes in very handy even now a year later. For every appt I have to show my TEs for checks, I just pop open the snaps. I'm in no mood to deal with things going over my head even now. Soft, comfy and completely open front. Hopefully you have a good nurse navigator or support team at the place you go to. I had joined a bc support group before sx and so I made some friends before sx that said to let them know if I need help, which was nice. But it was totally doable for me. Bro left and I've gone through chemo and rads as well as infection and issues all by myself. There are resources available. In CA we have drivers for survivors. I used them to take me to and from the early appts when it was advised not to drive. There's a service of maids who volunteer to come out to your place and clean for free. Check the cancer society sites. Lots of us don't have friends/fam on hand to help us with our daily stuff but there are ways to do it yourself and to line up support in case you need it.

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  • Miles
    Miles Member Posts: 62
    edited August 2016

    "... I made a deal with myself, even though it goes against my grain: If anyone offers to help, say thank you, and think of something they can do for me. Seriously. Accept all offers of help...

    I have found myself appreciating, in new ways, the fabric of social contacts in my life, the places where one thread (one person) intersects with another, ... That doesn't mean l'm not a "lone wolf" anymore. It just means, that even wolves come from packs, and they work more efficiently in groups." - NineTwelve

    Because of this advice and the advice from all the Amazing women in this thread; I have had a network of people begin to rise up to assist me. People I haven't spoken with in 10 years are showing up and pitching in. I had to be willing to reach out and basically say I am going through this... and when they offered to help.... I came up with something they could do. I've come to find out that when several little things are being done to help out; it makes a BIG difference. All of this support has shown up because I was willing to eat some humble pie and say "Yes, would you be willing to..."

    I have the support of breastcancer.org and I now how a support team surrounding me that I have discovered through "..the fabric of social contacts in my life, the places where one thread (one person) intersects with another,..." I didn't even know that I had social contacts, turns out I was wrong. There are people who not only know my name but care about me and are willing to do what they can to lighten the load.

    I hope that any of you who are currently all alone continue to reach out. It is scary to be alone and dealing with Breast Cancer. <3


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  • NineTwelve
    NineTwelve Member Posts: 569
    edited August 2016

    Miles: So glad you came back to tell us about reaching out. As a shy person (IRL), it inspires me so much when others come out of their shells and make contact. It might seem obvious, but compassionate people really do want to be given something helpful to do. It was a surprise to me at first (a nice one.)

    I love this: Celebrate the no's, because that means the person you are asking is practicing self-care.

    Ann49, I hope your lumpectomy procedure goes smoothly, and that you have everything you need.

    All of you solitaires: Please keep posting here and let us know how you're doing.

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  • IHGJAnn49
    IHGJAnn49 Member Posts: 426
    edited August 2016

    We'll do that! I may have mentioned this before, but if not... I've learned over the years that it's a blessing to give, but it's giving a blessing to those who want to give by being able to receive what they offer.. more blessed to give then receive... but it goes both ways.. by receiving, we allow them to have the blessing too. so never feel bad about being on the receiving end..

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