Stage IV ( oct 2014) seeking local support Royal Oak, MI

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May66
May66 Member Posts: 8
edited August 2016 in Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY

Hi everyone.

It has taken me a while to get on here.

But lately am so lonely and feel broken.

My initial dx was breast, lymph node , bones , liver . No surgeries I was told, bec it has spread already.

Currently on femara, and Ibrance. Really depressed and scared.

Friends that know about my illness are one handful . No real family to speak of. Everyone is out of state . DH has had it with me ( I think )

Is anyone here local near me. I need support . Someone local near me?

I need someone to speak to and cry to.

Am scared and lonely ..

Best wishes to all of you

X

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  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 3,761
    edited August 2016

    Oh May I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. Your DX is scary to be sure but there are a lot of Stage IV ladies on this forum, many who have had the same DX for years so there is hope.

    I don't live in Michigan. I live in Tennessee. I'm sure there are some support groups there. I'm a member of one through my church. I also had a patient advocate from the women's health center where I had my biopsy. Maybe your doctors or the nurses can direct you to organizations or agencies that can help in some way.

    My family lives in town for the most part although I mostly confided in and relied on a friend who is a nurse and had had breast cancer. Support is so important just having someone to talk to other than your DH. Mine was supportive but didn't really understand what it did to me emotionally.

    I bet there are some ladies on the Stage IV forum who live in your neck of the woods. Reach out to them. They truly know how you feel.

    I relied on this website from the getgo. It was my lifeline. Still is because we all know there are no guarantees.

    Keep the faith and keep us posted.

    Diane


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  • May66
    May66 Member Posts: 8
    edited August 2016

    Diane: thank you so much for your reply .

    So true about the support , although I feel I can confide in a few select people, it is still hard . I feel like a burden . And DH bless his heart, cannot begin to understand .

    I finally realized after 2 years almost, that I can no longer do it by myself .

    Hopefully, it's not bc the disease is winning, but bec am human, and it's OK to put pride aside sometimes .

    Please let's stay connected . I want to be here for you also.

    Thanks for the inspiration and ideas on where to reach out to .

    God bless .


    Xoxo

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  • Kandy
    Kandy Member Posts: 1,461
    edited August 2016

    May, I'm so sorry you are having a hard time. You are right, you can't do it alone. I encourage you to reach out to her doctors and let them know how you are feeling. They should be able to connect you with some support groups. Also if you are not currently taking an antidepressant, you might want to consider it. I think most of us stage 4 ladies are currently taking something to help level us out. Our situation is scary and depressing. Please stay connected with us cause we truly do understand. I don't expect any of my friends or family to understand how I really feel. They can't, thank goodness cause the only way you understand is if you are there. I try to concentrate on enjoying the moment and stop worrying about tomorrow. Worrying gets you no where, just wasted energy. But with that said, I also struggle with trying to accomplish it sometimes. Living in cancerland is like being on a roller coaster. Constantly going up and down. Wishing you nothing but the best.

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  • May66
    May66 Member Posts: 8
    edited August 2016

    Kandy,

    Thank you for your words , you are so kind .

    I tried on anti- depressant ( Effexor) did not like it and stopped after that . I never liked taking meds and with everything going on, I figured one less.

    I have declined support in the past, bc of fear, of hearing what is going to happen to me and hearing it from others, I thought it would be ovewhelming and depress me even more . I was trying to pretend I am ok and dealing with it, and not have it take over my life . Sadly, it has become the forefront lately .

    Every morning I open my eyes, I am disappointed I woke up , and have such a hard time starting the day.

    It feels like nothing matters !!! Or what's the point , I am a goner anyway ...

    loneliness is a whole other issue ... Why is this so isolating ?

    I will be sure to get on here always from now on.. And I will take the time to write the details of my dx and treatments for all to see.

    Hugs to you !!! Thank you and I wish you a beautiful day Kandy

    xoxo

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  • Kandy
    Kandy Member Posts: 1,461
    edited August 2016

    May, sending you a virtual hug. I do understand about hating to take meds. I used to be the same way. But now I have found meds help me to feel better and to be able to live each day to the fullest. Please reconsider an antidepressant, they make you get over the hump of not wanting to get out of bed and the hopeless feeling. I do take Effexor but if that didn't work for you, maybe try another one. There are many different ones out there and maybe something else would suit you better. Try to think that no one knows how long you have. Don't you want to enjoy each day to the fullest that you can. Try to do something that you really enjoy and savor the moment. Set small goals that you want to see and do and accomplish them and set more. Just try to learn to live in the moment. I do know it's hard, but consider some of my suggestions. It makes what time you have so much more enjoyable. You could live for years, it would be a shame for that time to be wasted. Hang in there. We are all here to help pick you up.

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  • steelrose
    steelrose Member Posts: 3,798
    edited August 2016

    Hi May...

    I'm so sorry that you're struggling right now. I've been stage iv for six and a half years, and in the beginning I felt like I could tackle it all. I only told a handful of people too, and really thought I could tough it out! This website was my lifeline then, and still is to a certain extent. But I realize now that I need help. I should have reached out years ago I think. The isolation is scary, I hate it. And although my partner is supportive, he travels for work all the time and I'm left alone with my thoughts. No one can truly understand what this is like unless they are going through it themselves.

    I'm not in MI, I'm in CA. But you've received good advice here, and we're all here for you! Maybe there's a local support group for stage iv? I've never been to one myself, but I have seen a counselor and just voicing my fears helped so much.

    Sending you love...

    Rose.


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  • SonnyB
    SonnyB Member Posts: 732
    edited August 2016

    May, I am in the Detroit area. Not quite the same path - extensive bone (only mets at dx, 4 1/2 years ago. I would be happy to talk or get together with you. PM me and we can figure out how to connect. Sonya

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  • Shutterbug73
    Shutterbug73 Member Posts: 791
    edited August 2016

    Hi May (and Sonny) - I'm not too far away -- in the Ann Arbor area. I work during the week, but if anyone is interested in getting together on a weekend I would love to meet up.


    May - I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. Is there a counselor or social worker at your treatment center that you can talk to? Maybe a support group? I personally found meditation to be very helpful, especially in the beginning. I also suggest finding little things to celebrate and look forward to - a movie, an art class, a walk in a park, ice cream, a glass of wine...whatever appeals to you. Try to see every day as a celebration that you are still alive.
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  • Sydneyluv
    Sydneyluv Member Posts: 26
    edited August 2016

    Hi May,

    So sorry about your difficulties. This is a lonely and frightening time. There is a Gilda's Club on Rochester Rd in Royal Oak. They have all kinds of groups and services for people with cancer. 248/577-0800. Give them a call and see what they have going on. I'm sure there is something that will interest you. Good luck to you. If you are being treated at Beaumont, they also have services for those of us with breat cancer. And stick around here. This is the best health website on the Internet!

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  • Fitztwins
    Fitztwins Member Posts: 7,969
    edited August 2016

    Not on the east side of the state, but in Grand Rapids area. not sure where you are going. Karmanos? Excellent hospital.

    Once we get over the shock and fear of mets, living with cancer in the background is definitely doable. One day at a time, and before you know it, it will be in the background after some successful scans. (which I qualify anything that is major! stable, slight growth or regression).

    If fear and anxiety is taking over you ability to enjoy life PLEASE tell your doctor. I could not survive this without my anxiety meds.


    Janis

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  • LindaE54
    LindaE54 Member Posts: 2,054
    edited August 2016

    May, I'm sorry for what you're going through. I live even further away, near Montreal. But I just had to chime in. What you are going through sounds very familiar to a lot us stage IV gals. It's been 2 years and 9 months since I was dx'd. It's a lonely disease and this website has been a lifeline to me. I also had the help of a psychologist which truly was a blessing. As others have said, I'm also on an anti-depressant. It can be trial and error until one finds the right med. But I would definitely not be able to go without it. I encourage you to rant, confide all you want here. It's OK. Nobody gets it like we do. We are all here for you! PM me if you need someone to "listen". Sending you love and hugs.

    Linda

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